Hi,

I just found out today that I am pregnant. I wish it were a happy occasion, but my WH and I are barely in recovery and the pain is still very real. I am not sure how I can maintain let alone deliver a healthy baby when I can barely take care of myself. Not to mention that this child was conceived during a feeble attempt of mine to meet my WH's emotional needs (sex). At the time a few hours before and after he was communicating with OW about how much he wanted to make love to her.

How can I look in the face of this child without it being a reminder of all the pain?

Please help. Recovery was hard enough before but now it is overwhelming!

Goodness B,
I couldn't even get past the title of your post before my heart reached out to you.
I guess I should read your post now.

Honey, BabyLove was conceived on one of the first times my H and I ever had sex.
We had been dating for about one month, putting off sex until we theoretically both knew that we would even attempt a future together.
After we did have sex, I had put a halt to the relationship.
Then I found out I was preg.
I was 39 yrs old. He was 43. He had just gone thru the D from h*ll. He was still flipping out over his feelings for his X, feelings for a present OW and drunkeness.

Jump forward in time

One week after we were married he told me that he had never loved me (remember my thread up in EN?)
had several more affairs
da da da
yada yada yada

to make a long ugly story short

BabyLove is the absolute love of the now family's life.

H and I are on the mend.

B.
Children are absolute miracles.
They have mysterious ways about them.
I figure BabyLove was concieved for a reason.
I love my H dearly, always have, always will.
BabyLove's existance has given my H reason to stay in this marraige and H's heart has become something it never was before.
BabyLove has been a positive education for my H, in true love.
In reality.

Hang in there B.
I am rooting for you and your family.
xo
H.

bh,

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, unbeknownst to me....my H was in bed with another woman. I was having trouble carrying that baby and had barely seen my husband. My first child was only a year old and I was alone in a new place...without any friends or family because we had just moved there. I was about two months pregnant when a woman called my house looking form my husband.

After a few more calls, she revealed to me that she had had an affair with my husband and was more than happy to give me the nauseating details.....including the fact that she was in bed with him when I found out about my child.

As you can imagine.....it tainted this pregnancy. I did NOT want to be pregnant. I am so ashamed to say that I thought of abortion and I prayed for God to end this pregnancy and not put me through the pain of carrying a child I felt I could not love. Like you, I couldn't imagine associating his birth with anything but the devastation of my H's affair. I feared like you that every time I looked at his face....it would trigger the awful memories. Sadly, all through my pregnancy...those thoughts continued. I could not wait to get the child from my body. It was a bitter pill.

The day my first son was born, I was indifferent to him. I remember thinking....oh....let the nurses care for him. The nurses were a bit concerned about him because he was very fussy that whole first day. When they brought him to my room.....I handled him minimally. I called the nursery at five or so and told them just to keep him....I wanted a good night sleep. I didn't want to nurse him or hold him. I did feel a little sorry for him....but I pushed that from my mind. I hadn't even decided on a name for him really.

Then, about 9PM, a friend of mine was visiting...and wanted the see the baby. I was feeling so good....that I decided to walk down there with her. When we arrived....my little son had kicked off his covers and was setting into a howl. At first it was comical, but then I tried to get someone's attention to cover him back up...afterall...he seemed cold. I tapped lightly on the glass. No reponse. I knocked...nothing. I began TO POUND on the glass and then the door to nursery.

I told the nurses "You bring me the baby at 10....you bring him at 2 as well....No...just bring the baby into my room he's staying with me!" I took that little baby boy and I held him so close that night. I nursed him until his little belly was full and finally at 4 feeling exhausted....I let the nurses take him. When my regular nurse brought him back she said "I don't know what you did to little bit...but we can't wake him up he's so content...what a difference!"

I named my son Parrish. His name means "from the churchyard" and I can only say that of all of my beautiful children...he is the one who has been the greatest blessing...with the kindest heart. He is the closest to my heart. He was the easiest most content baby, kindest youth and the most exceptional young man at 18 that any mother could have. I never EVER think of his beginnings when I think of him. Well maybe when I see a post like this LOL.

As he grew up, he was the one who cared for me and helped me. I cannot imagine my life without this child. During my pregnancy I thought God had abandoned me, and ignored my prayers...what I didn't know....was that God had blessed me and answered my prayers in a way more wonderful than I could know. My son is an accomplised jazz percussionist, is studying to be an engineer, and is loved and cherished by everyone. He still kisses me in front of his friends.

<small>[ September 27, 2003, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

I do not know exactly how you feel being pg and having a WS. But I do know your pain. My WS A is the second most painful thing in my life. The first was when I found out my 2nd child would be born with a birth defect. I was pg with a child who would probably not walk or talk and they told me would have very little brain. I fell deep into a depression and only wanted that baby out and I did not want to connect at all. Then I got to the point were I didn't want the baby out because then I would have to touch and hold him. When he was born I let everyone else hold him and all I said was how big is his head. But then something kicked in and as soon as I looked I fell. I never let go of him for two years, yes that was my part in this A, but thats another story lol. My son is now 4 and runs and rides a scooter and knows his ABC's you name it he can do it. The drs were wrong he is missing most of his brain but it doesn't effect him. So I say this A is the second most painful because I learned from my son's birth that miracles happen and that "without conflict there would be no reason to change" this A is a conflict that will change me for the better. And it will change you and make you better and know that you will love this child no matter what happens.
km4
me 39
WS 44
2 boys 11 and 4
OW was my best friend

Oh my sweet Lord, How we all need and deserve great big hugs and many prayers for having carried our darling babies while our husbands were in the arms of another woman.
The Good Lord must truly cherish us and trust in our ability to be wonderful and loving mothers.
Star*, darling.
KM, sweetheart.
BH, M'dear.
May we all be forever blessed.

xo
Hypatia

B,
How are you doing today?
I HAVE been thinking of you.

xo
H.

B dear,
Are you out there?
How are you doing today.
Want/need a hug?
I will share one w/ you if you would like.
You are in my prayer darling.
xo
H.