I have just confirmed that my husband has been going into chat rooms and have sex chats with other woman. He has found two that he communicates with regularly. I confronted him and he said that it has only happened this one time and it will never happen again. I know it has been going on for a while and I have found some of the emails in his email folder. It hurts more then you can believe that he is telling someone he doesn't even know online that they make him happy and that he loves them.

Dehoping -

Boy, I understand how very hard this must be for you. Take some deep breaths and start reading this site. There's a lot here that can help you, and a lot of help available in other places, too.

Some of the other places you can look for help are:

- Your family doctor. Get a thorough checkup and a prescription for sleeping pills and/or antidepressants. You may not think you need it yet, but consider it preventive medicine.

- Your parents and family. Talk to them. Even if you feel that this should be private, talk to them. The longer you keep a secret like this, the more it will burden you.

- His parents and family. Ditto.

- Your clergy, counsellors, therapists, mentors. Don't go it alone, here. If you don't have one of these folks, it's time to find one.

- God, if you're a believer.

Take care of yourself as much as you possibly can. Eat. Sleep. Exercise. Take LONG LONG walks and drives. Whatever you do, try your darndest to remember that there is a difference between HIS ACTIONS and YOUR FEELINGS. His actions will and have hurt you very badly. But your emotions are still yours, and you get to choose what to do about them.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I've dealt with the same issue in my marriage and I will tell you it was the most difficult issue I have faced so far in my life.

What you are hearing from your H is what we call FOGSPEAK here at MB. Spouses who betray you will lie and you have seen just that happen. He says it only happened one time, but you know better. WAT has written some quick start guidelines for betrayed spouses in your shoes. They are listed here --> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000940
He talks about how you may feel completely off guard when your spouse has an affair (even emotional online affairs).

There are some books available that might help you cope and think your feeling through. Here are some titles to consider:

Facing the Shadow : Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery by Patrick Carnes, PhD.

Cybersex Exposed : Simple Fantasy or Obsession? by Jennifer Schneider and Robert Weiss

An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall

Living with your Husband's Secret Wars by Marsha Means

You should also visit the Pure Intimacy website at http://www.pureintimacy.org/ and consider joining our discussion for people hurt because of their partner's online infidelity. The URL to join the discussion group is http://www.bustedyouonline.com/discussiongroup.htm

Best of luck to you. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.