It is highly probably that your wife is divorcing you NOT because you had an affair, but because of what your marriage was like. When one partner decides they no longer want to be married, Plan A is usually the best approach the other partner can take. It is designed particulary for the purpose of seperating a spouse from a lover, but with very little imagination it can be modified to try to bring a spouse out of withdrawal, whatever the cause. So, first, click on the "Concepts" link on the top of this page, and read them through from beginning to end. By the time you are done, you should have a pretty good idea about what exactly your wife was missing. The article:
Why Women Leave Men should help you i that regard, too.
After you are done with that, read up on Plan A. Start with the link in TMCM's post, and then click on the link in my signature line, which is a page with several Plan A link that you should find helpful. They are very much oriented to ending a spouses affair, so some modification will be required, but reading them should help.
Another good resource is the Smalley book: "If Only He Knew". He discusses how men inadvertantly "close their wives spirit" (Harley would call this "causing your wife to withdraw"), and what to do about it with some good practical examples.
It is probable that not telling your wife for eight years was a significant contributer to her decision. Keeping that secret blocked your emotional intimacy, which contributed to your other marital problems, whatever they were. This is typical, and a warning for anyone else in your situation. Read my Sept 28 post about this near the bottom of
this page.
Then there is one other (though less likely) possibility - Is SHE having an affair? Even "just" an
Emotional Affair can be enough of a boost to a woman's confidence to survive single life that she is more willing to take the risk of divorce. If so, Plan A still applies, so read up.
<small>[ September 29, 2003, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>
