I have been married for 7 months today. This last saturday, I discovered my husband has been cheating on me with a friend of ours. She is not a good friend of mine, but she new we were married. She wasn't someone that he picked up and told her he wasn't married. I have moved out and I am staying with a friend. In the meantime, he has moved in with her. We have no children together, but my husband has 4 children from a previous marriage, and she has 2. I feel such hurt and anger and betrayel. He will call me and tell me he misses me. He will ask if we are a dead issue, but yet he is not willing to move out of her house. He says he needs someone to get the kids off to school (he has to be at work by 5:30 am.) He drinks a lot, but blamed all that on me. Says he will be drinking a lot less now. He told me that she treats him the way I should have from the beginning. If I was so bad to him, why did he marry me? We have had our share of problems being a blended family, but I always thought we worked those out and came out stronger because of it. Our problems really started a few months ago (the time the affair started) and I tried to work on myself. I have been reading this website during that time and tried to work on myself to be a better wife. I tried to get him to go to counseling, but he insisted he didn't need it, I did. He told me, "I am not going, you can't make me." I just need help picking up the pieces.

Bumping in hopes that someone whose brain isn't mush today can answer.

I'm not a good one to answer, because in this situation my advice would be like the psychic's in Minority Report: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!

No kids involved that are yours? RUN! He's being an a** and you are letting him.

Read up on this board and see how you are suppose to be treated. He needs you more than you need him so he should be crawling at your feet.

He's also using the OW.

I'm going to venture to say he is not worth it and I don't say that to people that much.

If he really wanted you the most, he would find another way to get the kids off to school and he wouldn't be living w/this woman and he wouldn't be speaking to you like that.

Tell him to go to AA and call you when he gets a grip on life. These are his issues, not yours and you cannot help him. He can only help himself when he is ready to face up to what he has become.

Thank you, SoDisappointed for your advice. I am in counseling right now to help me get over the hurt and betrayel I feel. I do not have a desire to get back with him. Although I do miss him, I am also relieved not to have to deal with everything I have dealt with over the time we were together. I have no desire to seak out a new relationship, but I know one day it will come up. I just want to make myself stronger and able to trust again. This isn't the only relationship I have had where I have been cheated on. Kind of makes it hard to trust men. I know not all of them cheat, but the ones that find me seem to. It is hard not to blame myself. And all of the maybe ifs keep popping into my head. I hate him for doing this to me. I had to move some of my furniture in the rain last night, and that is all I could think was that I hated him for putting me in this situation. I know it isn't good to hate, and I know I have a lot of anger to deal with. I have had wonderful support from my friends and family. I have a son from a previous relationship who thinks of my husband as his daddy, and I am afraid that his heart will get broken in all of this. I don't think h will own up to his promise of being there for my son. My son has called him daddy from age 2, and he is almost 7 now.
Thank you again for your advice.

<small>[ October 04, 2003, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: in-love ]</small>