about the whole discovery of my W EA/PAs, is that several very close friends of ours, AND her sister knew/suspected something was up. In fact, a group of the ladies were all together for her sister's bachelorette party, when she met up with one of these internet/chat/phone-sex guys, and ended up sleeping with him that night.

None of these people said a word !!
I have also recently found out that one of the ladies, who does my wife's nails, let my wife use her house/phone to contact one of her long-distance internet/phone-sex guys when she went their to get her nails done. She even listened in several times while they were "at it"

My wife and I babysat this womans children years ago, and provided HUGE emotional and even some financial support to her when HER marriage melted down last year. And THIS is the thanks I get ???

I know people don't want to get involved in other peoples 'problems' - but to go beyond that and be an active/encouraging particpant in the whole thing makes me sick.

Fraz,

Please go over on This Thread and tell them what you have said here.

That poster knows about an A, but doesn't want to tell anybody.

-AD

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Have you and your wife made a decision as to whether or not you want to rebuild the marriage? It sounds as though your wife is a serial cheater and it will be hard to know, or should I say guess, if your wife is capable of being faithful and honest.

While I agree that their silence was indeed a bad thing, please don't try to scapegoat them for your W's very bad behavior. Your W was the one that decided to engage in PA's with other men and should be held 100% responsible because it was she that broke her marital vows not them.

TMCM,

What the man is saying is that he was hurt by these people's behaviour.

He was betrayed not just by his W, but by everybody else in their circle of friends.

Where does that leave him? Alone, and with nobody to trust.

-AD

AD remember the old saying 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'? maybe these folks thought that if they told him about his W's infidelity that they would be ending his marriage for good. Besides it is so easy for us as BS's to transfer blame to the OP and others than to lay it where it rightfully belongs, with the WS. Unless these folks are close relatives that hid the affair from frazzled, then I would suggest that he not lose any sleep because of them.

I am in no way blaming these folks for what my wife did. We are indeed working on the marriage. She has been diagnosed with
OCD and several related disorders. 98% of all this stemmed from a lot of low self-esteem issues that she has kept burried for a lot of years.

She is responsibel for her actions, and is working very hard now to recover, build the trust, and try to work on saving US.

My disappointment is with people in general, especially the one woman I mentioned. She went through a hellish seperation with her husband and custody issues with the kids. Her husband was involved in cyber-cheating, so SHE of all people should know how destructive it is/can be. We helped this woman out a greta deal through all her mess , and you would THINK she would be sensative to not seeing it happen with another couple who were pretty close friennds. Then again, maybe somehow she sees it as "getting back at men", or her man anyway.

My sister-in-law REALLY disappoints me as well. Considering she used to plant ideas in my wife's head about common female freinds my wife and I had, and suspisions that I might be involved in some EA/PA with one of these women, which was ANYTHING but true.

No, I fully hold my wife accountable for her actions, and don't allow her diagnosis of OCD or anything else to be an "excuse" for what she has done.

Things have been going pretty well in recent weeks, I hope that continues. Just seems the more I get answers about certain things, the more dismayed I am about peoples indifference in general to infidelity, especially those involved in cyber-sex, phone sex, etc and seem to think there is NOTHING wrong with it whatsoever.

It is simly a sad commentary on where we are as a society, and how little people value something a sacred as a marriage vow these days !

frazzled the only way for evil to flourish is for good people to do absolutely nothing to stop it. We are so geared to the sins of commission that we forget that there are sins of omission.