i've been married to my wife for 9 years and have one beautiful 5 year old daughter. the 1st 8 years were wonderful and the last one has been tense at best. She has talked about divorce and i want to try to work it out. Suddenly a light went off to today that she may be having an affair. in the last year she got her own credit card, her cell bill has doubled and no longer has detailed information, she works late and when i do laundry there is now thong underwear and were not having sex. i know these look like obvious signs but i still can't belive it. should i confront her and blow a chance of working this out or just ignore and hope it gets better

Yes the signs do point to her having an affair, but you won't get nowhere by ignoring them and hoping that it is just your imagination playing tricks on you. But unless you have solid evidence, the only thing you are going to get from her is angry outbursts, ultimatums, transferrence of guilt ('How could you possibly think that I would be capable of having an affair?'), etc. If you have a computer at home then I suggest that you install a spyware program on it to read all of her e-mails. Is this an invasion of privacy? not at all because when it comes to marriage there should be no privacy between spouses, especially if they have nothing to hide. If you have the funds, then consider hiring a private detective to follow her around town.

And last but definitely not least please read Dr Willard Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'His Needs Her Needs' and 'Love Busters' as well as all his articles on this website especially 'What Are Plan A And Plan B?'(click on the link above my signature line). Also read Dave Carder's 'Torn Asunder' and Michelle Weiner Davis's 'Divorce Remedy'.

Before you confront her with the truth, please avoid ALL love busters such as:

Angry Outbursts - Who wants to live with a time bomb?

Selfish Demands - Who wants to live with a dictator?

Disrespectful Judgements - Who wants to live with a critic?

Dishonesty - Who wants to live with a liar?

Independent Behavior - Who wants to live with a selfish jerk?

Annoying Habits - Who wants to live with a leakiy faucet?

All of these are toxic to ANY relationship and they will only make matters worse.

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Okay you have your suspicions now you need to confirm your suspicions.

Confronting without proof is not a good idea. She can lie she can deny or any number of things if all you have are "feelings" that things aren't right.

There are several website articles that address how to catch a cheating spouse. Follow their tips and if your feelings are right you will have your proof pretty soon.

Try not to go crazy should you find irrefutable proof....in other words don't act like I did...because that will not solve anything.

Keep in mind you are HIGHLY emotional already and should your fears be confirmed your state of mind will get even more emotional. If you are not sure how you will handle a confrontation once proof is found then try and think it thru. Look for ways to avoid going ballastic. No you don't have to act happy about. No you don't have to put up with the affair should it be happening continuing.

But you do need to avoid doing anything rash.

If there are dramatic changes in a spouses behavior that is a major RED FLAG. No sex?....also?........then there is an oversized RED FLAG hoisted onto a flag pole.