Hi My H and I have been married for 8yrs together for 10 and we are in BIG trouble. I come from a VERY broken home and he comes from a healthy family.
We are in love and have 2 great kids but at this current time we can't even be in the same room together.
About 3 months ago he got an Xbox and enjoys playing. At first I didn't mind if he spent a few hours playing it and I'd sit with him and watch. Now it's driving me insane. I started to get a little aggrivated and started complaining that he needed to find something else to do, like mow the lawn. I left for the day last week to see an friend(I haven't seen in over a year), he didn't care and was going to take care of the kids. When I got home the kids had free reign of the house and he had only come down a few times to feed them and stop them from fighting. At this point I snapped. I started thinking of ways I could get the tv to blow up without him knowing. I started complaining about everything. Now we are in a full on battle. The night before last we took the kids out to desert and we started arguing.
He told me I am way to controlling and I complain every time he does something that takes time away from me. I agree that sometimes when I haven't spent time with him or would like time with him I can't have it and i get irrate. But I feel that I should get as much time as I want unless it's important. I don't feel that fantacy football leagues and videogames and his friends are more important than i am. Oh yeah, he works graveyard and sleeps from 6am to 3pm and leaves at around 7:30.
Anyway, I started defending myself and told him I now don't care what he does with his time. I will just be a single mom living off of his income. Then he told me "You hold me back from anything. I would be more successful if you weren't so controlling." I almost stopped the car and started walking. That hurt. Is he holding a grudge against me because he didn't get to go to college and didn't get a promotion at his job? I'm at my wits end. I love him but I can't be burden to him either. I am ready and willing to take my kids and leave him for as long as it takes for him to get what he wants out of life. But then he tells me I'm being stupid and just looking for a guilt trip.
What do I do now??
I can live like this.

Hi and welcome to MB.

Get ahold of the book His Needs/Her Needs by Dr W. Harley.

In there you will find the different thinking patterns of male vs female. It also gives good guidelines on how to communicate once you learn what the differences are.

Your H is working, this is good but how he is spending his free time is selfish. Howz about you find something else to do besides his laundry? How long do you think he will like that?

L.

the issues that you're describing seem to be symptoms. the root causes for his behavior would seem to me to be what's really important. i can't see how you hope to save a marriage or make it better unless underlying motivations can be diagnosed and treated.

i would encourage your H to find a therapist and get some help for himself. if he has issues then for his own happiness as well as for yours and the childsren's, they should be addressed.

coach