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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39 |
<small>[ October 13, 2003, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: A_mess ]</small>
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 12 |
Okay A_mess, first of all, it is my opinion that if you are going to have an open marriage you are opening yourself up for pain. She most likely lied to you because she told you it would hurt her if you did the same.
I don't know the specifics of your "RULES" but I think that they weren't written in stone.
I think it was cruel of you to tell her you aren't attracted to her because of weight gain (the attitude part was okay.
When you stopped supporting her and someone else did she went to him. He most likely didn't insult her beauty. You are married and vows are supposed to be sacred. If neither of you wanted to respect them in the first place then you shouldn't have made them. You and your wife should reconsider your places in your marriage and respect each others opinions. I think that if you can't agree on keeping your sex life and selfs to each other than you need to seek therapy.
I hope you keep posting and things get better!!
Good Luck!
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950 |
I suggest that you seek a pro-marriage professional like Steve Harley/ Jennifer Harley (from Marriage Builders Counseling Center ) Chalmers/ Penny Tupy (our resident MB coach here at the Just Found Out forum and founder of www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com ) to help the two of you formulate a marital recovery plan that incorporates The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage . And read Dr Willard Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'His Needs Her Needs', and 'Love Busters', as well as Dave Carder's 'Torn Asunder' and Michelle Weiner Davis's 'Divorce Remedy'. In the meantime read all of the articles on this website to help you get an idea of how it is possible to save your marriage if BOTH of you apply the principles in them.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39 |
<small>[ October 13, 2003, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: A_mess ]</small>
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Get ahold of the book His Needs/Her Needs by Dr W. Harley. Read it with your W, take the Emotional Needs questionnaire.
Then have a frank discussion about each of the top 5 ENs.
Let us know how that goes.
take care,
L.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 39 |
<small>[ October 04, 2003, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: A_mess ]</small>
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