me bs 56 yrs
her ws 42 yrs
togeter 22 yrs
married 17 yrs
d day sept 15
3 girls 14,15,16

I'm not sure what I am doing but i know i could use someone to talk to. i found this site the week after d day and know what went wrong with the marriage but need help fixing it. she loves me but is not in love anymore. we went to mc first time she said she wanted to fix marriage. after visit 2 she said she didn't. wanted to pursue relationship with om (mm) yesterday she moved in with sister to sort things out. I think i am in plan a as i am trying to not do any lb's and support her while trying to fill missing en's
I just need some support. thanks

"she loves me but isn't in love with me anymore."

there seems to be a lot of that going on around here. in fact it would be funny to hear it again if it weren't so tragic.

i always wonder if they (the WSs) realize what they sound like when they spout that drivel. if *they* could just come to understand that their shoddy little affairs are nothing more then cliches, then maybe they would just give them up out of embarrasment.

any way, soon the board will fill up and you'll get an official welcome and lot's of suggestions as to what books to read and ways to educate yourself. all of this will be helpful and very important.

i can't stess the importance of you educating yourself about this nasty little phenominum that you've some how been thrust into. knowledge will help you deal with the trip that your WW boked you on. so read learn and ask questions.

as for now, if it were me, i would try and take a step back for a moment and clear my head. i would see a doctor right away and possibly get some medication. you may need it.

also, i would avoid making any disrespectful judgements about her attitude or activites to her. you have no control over what she's doing right now. NONE! any attempt by you to censure her will be ineffective at best and taken by her as an attack on her person.

instead, just stay cool. 90% of what you're inclined to do at this moment...what you will say right now...will be wrong!...so remember...no one ever got into trouble by just keeping their mouth shut! what you can control is yourself! so read, learn and avoid making mistakes form the begining.

stay with us and up date the situation as often as you can. and get professional help! you will get lots of love and support here but this is just a message board...a board with some very knowledgable people but a board never the less. get a pro to help you out right away!

more later.
coach

Yep, Plan A is where you should be. Click on the link in my signature line. Read it all, but pay particular attention to the Plan A links. They will help you stay on track.

Have you got a copy of "Surviving an Affair"? If not, do so immediately. Also, get a professional involved. If we were pros, we wouldn't need our day jobs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Call Cerri/Penny, Jenn, or Steve Harley ASAP.

Here is a Cerri quote that I think has some important information for you:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The other thing is that you are listening to what she says and acting reactively. When your spouse is having an affair you cannot take what they say at face value. When it comes to you, the marriage and what they want/plan to do everything they say comes from the need to protect their addiction to the OP. It's not real and rational the way we would consider it. It's real and rational in their mindset, but they are literally under the influence. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ October 06, 2003, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

I've been reading. saa and hnhn. learning alot. also been trying to meet en but hard when she is away. I have been calling her every day just to see how her day is going and to see if she is all right, trying to talk to her as it seems as if this is one en i did not fulfill when we were together. got in argument about not giving the marriage a chance even though we had 22 years together. she can't see forest for trees.
suppose to go to counselor tomorrow, I did get anti-deppressant from DR but doesn't seem to help. is there a time when i don't think about this 24/7? wake up in middle of night constantly with this on my mind. does it ever quit. life sucks.

Dear Devastated_dad... stick with the anti-depressants. I'll take some weeks for them to kick in, but I assure you´- you will begin to feel better in a week or two. The anti-depressants will not make all of your sadness disappear though - prepare for a tough rollercoaster ride - but they WILL help you think in more constructive patterns... they will eventually help you manage to do the things you HAVE to do in order to survive - the basic things like sleep and eat.

Take care!