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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4 |
I just found out that my husband had a one night stand with a woman he met at a club. Needless to say I was very hurt. He says that he felt that we were drifting apart and I did not care about him any more. I must admit that I became too comfortable with the marriage and stopped trying. But I want the marriage. What can I do??
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
Lots, and this is the best place on the Web to find out what. Start by ordering "Surviving an Affair". Then click on the link in my signature line and start learning
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,311
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,311 |
The easy place to start is to determine to not be apathetic to your M, start meeting your H's EN's, and start to change yourself into a woman he can't stand to not be around. We are here to support you. God bless!
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4 |
Well I must say we have started talking. I think that is a good sign. But still not sure where this will take us. I have started making changes but I want to make sure he is willing to make changes also. We are basically starting all over. We are currently "dating". Will keep you posted.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,311
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,311 |
At htis point you shouldn't burden yourself with worrying about your H's intent to change. That's up to him. I would encourage you to concentrate on changing yourself. He will notice your efforts, though he may not verbally acknowledge them. Win him over by your good conduct - make him feel like he is the apple of your eye. Great to hear of the dating game. Try greeting him at the door in a sexy outfit, a smile, and his favorite beverage. You'll probably have him eating out of your hand.
Yes, this goes against your feelings and emotions and will require sacrifice to pull it off. You can do it and God bless you!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 475
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 475 |
It all depends on how much you want your M. This site has all of the tools and resources you need to build things back up to an even better level then they were.
Try to focus on bettering yourself and not on changing him. I myself am tied up in thinking about what changes my WS needs to make when we should all realize we can't change anyone. Love is accepting each other for who we are, not who we aren't. And if you make changes in yourself for yourself, maybe your WS will want to change for himself.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4 |
Thank you all for the advice!!! We actually met again last night and he is coming back today I guess he will be here the weekend. We have a 14 yr old S. We talked again and he shared that he has slept w/ the OW again. He says to fill a void when he is lonely. For some reason I was not surprised. He told OW he was M and has a S but she did not care. H told her that he did not want a relationship. But I think she still wants him. So I know I have a possible fight. But I am going to contiune communicating w/ H. He is real PO b/c I asked him to leave. Yes, I know I threw him to the wolves. I regret it know. I am working on improving myself and I think he is seeing the change. Made some mistakes.Hopefully things will fall into place.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4 |
I forgot, when we meet we always seem to end up in bed. Is that good or bad?
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
Depends on if you enjoy it. If you don't enjoy it, it's bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Seriously, though, usually this is good, but it can be that you are just enabling him to be a fence sitter. It sort of depends on the situation. As part of Plan A, it is usually a good thing, in part because it is one more thing he will miss if you go to Plan B
<small>[ October 11, 2003, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>
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