Help. I know that I am too sensitive sometimes & I read into things that aren't there, but listen to this. Went to 1st counseling session last week, came out with a plan to make a plan with H of how we can spend more time together. Felt good having a plan. However, that night he says he wants to wait til after th 1st, too busy now, his mom's in town for the week. We ended up leaving it at we'll try and make a plan for the plan when she leaves. So she came in Wed night. He went out that night for an hour or so before coming home from work because he wanted his birthday beer at the bar. Fine. Then Friday was his last day of school, so went out first with people from school, then went to his usual bar for a beer. Yesterday was his graduation, we met some friends for pizza and a few beers that afternoon. As we were leaving, he made arrangements to go out again that night for a few hours cuz he said people at the bar wanted to congratulate him.<BR>Now I don't want to fight with his mom here, but he says he doesn't have time to make a plan, but has time to leave the house (leaving me with M-I-L) to be with friends. Iunderstand that all were happy occasions for him, but couldn't he have postponed, saying his Mom, who he sees maybe once a year, was in town? He just always seems to have an excuse. And he has started making plans for us to do stuff, but it's with our friends, which is Okay, but my whole point was to concentrate on doing stuff alone, and I've told him that. But all that I'm getting out of this is that it's too much trouble to take 1/2 & make plans with me, but it's okay for spur of the moment things with friends. I am feeling highly insulted. Do I have a right to feel this way? Why isn't he making an effort? Why is this just "my problem"?

YES- YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT! YOUR FEELINGS ARE UNIQUELY YOURS AND IF HE IS TOO SELFISH NOT TO WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU- then i really dont know what to say.<BR>i assume he knows that You want to spend time with HIm , right?

Yes, I have told him on numerous occasions. It was my big issue on the Emotional Needs questionnaire, and the main reason I started counseling was to see if there was a way I was missing to convey this to him. But each time he says he understands, things may change for a little bit, but he always has something else going on that gets in the way. His excuse for waiting til after the 1st was that he has 2 weeks til he starts his new job, and just wants to relax. I told him that he made it sound like it was a chore to do stuff with me.<BR>I just feel so rejected. He says school was the big problem, but I can tell you right now that after the first of the year, he'll say he's too tired/busy with new job. Then after he settles in, summer will be here, and he'll be looking for a summer teaching job. Then in the fall he'll have his 1st teaching position...always something. I'm not taking any more excuses. I've been so understanding, but I can't be brushed to the side anymore. Glad he likes his career, but needs to set aside time for us too. Can you tell I'm feeling dejected today? Ugh.

Hmmm? A beer with friends is more important than a marriage? NOT!<P>No you're not over reacting. Sure he's making excuses. It's sometimes difficult to do things, even if you know they are right. Reapiring your marriage is gonna be difficult but if you don't get started, you're not gonna get into it.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

No, you are not over-reacting. Your H is acting very selfish. If there is a celebration, why doesn't he take you along? Doesn't he want you there to celebrate too? He is forgetting that he is married....he is NOT some single guy who can galavant all over the place..<P>He need to be aware that his actions are not doing anything good for your marital recovery.