well, as my title suggests, I have found out that the OW is doing to 2 other families what she did to mine.......a MM collector...the dilemma (sp?), for me, is that had anyone ( there were 2-3) told me, about her and my H, I would have been happy to have been told...to know instead of suspecting....this OW is sleeping with the H of one of her own employees......<P>do I do nothing while my personal ethics and morals weighing 3 tons weigh heavily on me?<P>as a betrayed W, I would want to be told...but I FULLY understand that it is NOT my place...and this W may not want to know.....yet,<P>I am so torn....<P>this OW has been having 'affairs' with 3-4 other married men.....this is her problem....I know, I know,.....but I do know about the employee....and it's killing me inside that this poor woman is being be-friended and lied to by her boss...someone she trusts and confides in......<P>Dylan - rambling like crazy

Dylan<BR>Tough one. It's been a tough day for you.<BR>You know this for fact?<BR>There is an interesting bit in "Private Lies" on this topic.<BR>This is a difficult situation. Is there a possibility that you can tell the betrayer that you know, have been in the situation of betrayed and feel the betrayed has a right to know?<BR>That way you are giving the betrayer the opportunity to end the secret.<BR>You know the longer it goes on the more lies these women will have to recover from.<BR>Just a thought.<BR>

I agree. Telling the Betrayer may be the way to go.<P>I always swore that I wished someone had told me. I still do because a lot of people suspected and knew.<P>I know now that the woman that did my hair occassionally also did the OW hair and knew about the affair. A neighbor down the street that worked with my H tried to tell me through hints one time, but I missed them.<P>I have a similar dilemma. I am fairly sure my best friend is having an affair. Her H is also a dear friend. I haven't asked her if she is because I don't want to have to deal with whether or not to tell him.<P>I feel I am betraying him in a way. I also know that he suspects something is going on.<P>The betraying H is probably the best bet atleast for your first try.<P>

wasstubborn,<P>I won't go into details....but, yes, this is fact...verified by 2 diff. people....<P>I don't know the betrayer.....but I know where and how to find and get in touch with the W....as a betrayed W myself, and with the same OW, I feel that i, at least might be able to help....<P>I still wish someone had the guts to spill the beans..the affair would have been over before it was halfway through....one person who knew was our roomate...and lied to me outright..this from afriend i have known for 13 years.....H's affair started at the beginning of July...it would and could have been over by the end of the month..and more lies and hurt could have been avoided...exactly as you say....<P>this poor woman...at least, for me, if nothing else, I have a sense of peace knowing that this OW is a repeat cheater and liar and told me no truths about her not pursuing my H in her e-mails to me....<P>Essyboo, <P>((((((((((so many of these for you)))))))<P>I have read your posts.......<P>((((((((((more))))))))))))<P><BR>I understand.....i received her business card and was told to get my nails done.....for free.....well, of course, for free...she was having my husband...she was already paid...<P>as for your hairdresser, don't you wonder why some people just don't open their mouths??? I wonder if the employee whose husband the OW is 'doing' is one of the employees my H told me knew about he and the OW....<P>isn't it ironic?<P>regardless, I will do nothing during the holiday season.....I know for me, the summer season will now NEVER be the same......so, I refuse to do anything until after the holidays if ever at all....<P>but, my friends, I cannot say that I will not tell her.....because I KNOW I would have wanted to know,...as soon as anyone knew....<P>Dylan

I truly believe in the philosophy, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."<P>I also believe that if you see somebody being hurt, or in a position to be hurt, you should take action in order to prevent somebody from happening. As in: if you see a piano dropping from a building and you yell at the person standing directly underneath to get out of the way... It's the same way regarding an EMA, IMHO; the betrayed spouse is directly under a falling piano. Will you or won't you yell at them to get out of the way?<P>Personally I would confront the betrayer and give them the opportunity to come clean. Or confront the OW, tell her about what EMAs you know she is involved in, and tell her that you will inform the betrayed spouse if the betrayer does not do so. Then this "serial OW" is forced to become directly responsible for telling the betrayers she's involved with that an outside party is aware of their activities, and that the betrayers must disclose or the outside party (you) will take it upon themselves to do so. Or confront both the OW and the betrayer and inform them that disclosure has to take place.<P>I would allow a time frame of 72 hours maximum for the betrayer to confess to their spouse. Then, no matter what, even if disclosure of some sort had taken place, I would take my information to the betrayed spouse and tell them EVERYTHING I knew.<P>I hope you have proof of some sort of the EMA, otherwise you could find yourself in the middle of a very nasty situation indeed.<P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<P>

I would tell the other W(s). I know for sure that I would have wanted to been told. Be ready for a W not to react the way you would. But I think that almost all W's would want to know, even if they do not react the same at the time of discovery.<P>Knowing how it feels, I now would not hesitate to tell someone that they are being cheated on. Yes, it could possibly ruin a friendship, for a while, but I could not have the knowledge on my conscience(sp).<P>I wish you the best of luck!

thank you all for your help in this matter.....<P>I think I have to think about this until after the holidays.....<P>maybe a telephone call would do the trick..<P>Dylan