</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MAND:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong>MAND
So sorry about your situation. Big hug {{{{MAND}}}}
Please give more info on the "last affair" How long have you been in recovery? Did he acknowledge his behavior and was he remorseful? Did he come clean or did he have to catch him in numerous lies?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for the hug. The last affair started last March.He was in his chat room and a guy was giving this girl a hard time so she asked my husband to interveine which he did.My husband(mark)told this guy that she was his girlfriend and to stop "hitting" on her and to leave her alone.From that point Mark and this lady started having private chats outside the chat room she's 28 and he's 41.Apparently they would talk for hours and hours on the computer and on the phone whenever they could which was most of the day.He started leaving the house when I got home and not comming home until A.M. hours.He'd park his car somewhere and talk to her on his cell then come home and crawl into bed with me.This went on for months.I had to have surgery on my leg and I couldn't walk very good.I knew he was so engrossed in his computer and because of the distance he was putting between us I didn't think he would help me so I stayed at a friends house with my 3 children for 2 days.The second day I was there he called told me that he liked being at the house by himself and if I could move in with my friend.I was devistated.I asked him what was going on and why he wanted this to happen and thats when he told me that he was in love with this other woman.I didn't know what to do.He said he loved me but he wasn't in love with me.I didn't have a clue,he chats with people all the time and has for the past year or two but I didn't realize that he was getting involved with someone.He always has so many windows on his desktop,I can't tell who he's talking to and I don't "spy".Anyway after about a week I went back home and moved everything out of our bedroom and slept on the floor in my daughters room.He made arraingments to fly out to Ohio to meet this lady and he was gone for a week.I was heartbroken.I drove him to the airport he hugged me and told me he loved me then he was gone.All I kept thinking about was he's going to make love to her that night.I was numb,I still cry about it now.He called me a few times from there and he talked about the places he was seeing.He talked to me like I was his best friend but with the I love you's.I slept in our bed while he was gone which hurt.I don't understand how he could do this.He came home and acted "normal"all hugs and kisses and happy to be home and I got all caught up in it and was all over him and I can see now how he played her down.The affair continued and then he told me he was going back to Ohio again except this time he'd be gone for two weeks and again I went though the same emotions.He was gone again.
When he came back he was talking to me about how he wanted to be able to fly out there at least once a month to see her.By this time I was thinking divorce anyway eventhough it broke my heart.We've been together for 20+ years.So I just listened to his plans.Two days later she called and told him not to call anymore or chat or e-mail her.Apparently she went back to her husband so Mark said.Her family continued to talk to Mark via computer or phone.He was pretty tore up.I even held him while he cried.I don't know if he hears from them now its been about two months since the break-up.Since then he's gotten involved with 2 other women in the chat room,but he doesn't know I know.I have my little tape recorder and I got a few conversations.I'm alot stronger now than I was a few months ago.Neither one of those women turned into anything.I don't understand on my tapes, he talks so different to them and he lies through his teeth.He's unemployed but he tells these people he's a teacher and he can buy anything he wants or fly wherever whenever.I don't understand it.He told one lady he won the lottery last year...not.My financial situation has hindered me.I don't have the money to move out.I'm supporting five of us the best I can.I am expecting a claim from a car accident and I'm scared.I constantly wonder if that's why he won't move out besides being unemployed.I'm trying to be strong but its hard sometimes because I've given this man every inch of my soul and I don't understand how he can chew me up and spit me out.I asked him once "what isn't he getting in our marriage".He thought about it for about five minutes and he said"you give me everything,support,love, sex whenever" he said the problems he's having has nothing to do with me,and there's nothing wrong with me.I don't understand and I can't figure it out then.Now I have my suspicions again.I've heard it all before and he's starting to become distant again.We bearly talk when I get home cause he's on the computer all the time chatting with people.I know I have to take care of myself and the children cause they see it also and sometimes hear his conversations when I'm not home which disturbes me.I may have to have surgery on my neck due to the car accident last July and I'm worried about that.I can't let him know how much $$$ I'm going to receive,I don't even know yet for sure.All I know is my children aren't going to sleep on anyone elses floors again, that's for sure.It was hard on them, eventhough their 8,10 and 15 they don't understand.Unfortunatly I am looking at my options,moving out or buying him out of our home we have now.He hasn't worked but maybe a month the whole time we've lived in this home but if we were to get a divorce he would want me to buy him out.He mentioned that one day when he was involved with Ohio. Funny but sad.I can't even comprehend his way of thinking at times.Our relationship now is great and has been, we're very affectionate, we don't fight or argue we laugh at programs we watch,when we do it's like everything is "normal".And then the next day he's talking to another woman and I'm his X and he's taking care of the kids.??????? I don't know where to go from here but I'm glad I know what I know at least I don't completely feel I'm living in a fog like I was before. Thank you for your time and interest in my situation.Take care! Mand
