My wife of 25 years had to spend most of last summer out of state caring for a sick mother. When she got back, things didn't quite seem right. Putting 2 and 2 together, I finally asked her what happened. She said that she had run into her first love and that he was now gay. She admitted to going to dinner and a movie with him one night and going to his apartment for dinner another. She said nothing happened except they hugged and that he did try to give her a friendly kiss, but she refused.

I am jealous by nature which I know is not healthy. But I do believe her that nothing happened. Even though I don't like the idea of her with other men, there really is nothing wrong with her seeing an old boyfriend to catch up on old times. But the way they saw each other felt to much like dating and I do not appreciate them going to his apartment at all. And I don't care if you are gay or not, you just don't kiss another man's wife. My biggest concern is she tried to keep all this hidden from me. She said she kept it hidden because she knew I would overreact. I have tried to keep everything downplayed, but according to her I have blown the situation out of proportion.

We will be returning there for Thanksgiving and she has mentioned she would like for me to meet him. I am not comfortable in having any contact with him. Should I be concerned? Are there things I need to do to prevent this from becoming a real affair?

Thanks

Hello,

I am sorry but I do not buy her story. Of course I am little prejudiced on this subject since my ex wife was the one who ran off with another guy she worked with and always claimed he was gay also.

Look what you have here. First, she meets her old boyfriend and goes to dinner with him and back to his apartment. He tries to hug and kiss her but she knows it is wrong and says no? Here this gay guy (?) tries to kiss her and hug her in his apartment and she says no. Why is she at his apartment and why is a gay guy trying to kiss her? Second, she refuses to tell you and keeps it hidden from you because you will overreact? What kind of bull is this. If this was the truth then really why would you hide this? It simply does not make sense. I would be very suspicious. The fact that she wants you to meet him does not mean much. My ex did the same thing to me in order to throw me off. The bottom line is that the story does not sound right and the fact she deliberately kept it hidden from you sends up big red flags to me. The story just does not sound right to me. Now she still wants to go back and meet him again is another funny sign to me. I would be very suspicious. I wish you luck.

I knew there was something up in my M before finding out about my WW's A but I couldn't put my finger on it. I would trust your intuition.

I would highly doubt her story especially if you had to be the one to initiate the "what's wrong" question. When YOU have to be the one to dig and pry to find things out, you know they are hiding something.

She definitely crossed the marriage boundary by going to his apartment for dinner.

Jealousy is natural, after all she is your wife. Don't let that make you feel guilty. Wouldn't you do anything for your wife? It's not jealousy, it's called being married.

She kept it hidden because she knew you'd overreact. That is true of course, who wouldn't? But at the same time, she's dictating what to tell you and what not to tell you. You are mature enough to be able to handle things, she shouldn't have to try to "hide" things and protect you. If she's hiding this, what else may she be hiding?

The issue(s) needs to be addressed or they will just get more out of hand. Does she get really defensive about it?

Sorry to poke and pry and I don't want to make thigns worse but these are all valid issues you should think about.

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<small>[ October 08, 2003, 10:44 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

do what makes you comfortable. i would not want my wife in any man's apartment, dating him or having any kind of inappropriate relationship with him. by the way, does gay mean homosexuele or bi-sexuale? there is a difference after all!

come on! this is classic...she gives you a little bit of the truth hoping to satisfy you with it...while the real dirt lays uncovered. if it were me, i would ask that she agree to have no contact with him of any type, ever again. and if she doesn't agree, you have a problem.

coach