filly - Sorry all this happened to you. It's hard to believe some of the results of people choosing to have affairs. While all this is going on keep reading and posting here. You are the victim of two selfish people so hold your head up and start thinking about recovery. It's good that you will be getting counseling for PTSD, the sooner you get it, the better. Also counseling is available by phone on this site - kind of expensive, it can save your marriage. I didn't get it yet and has cost me thousands of dollars. Take good care of yourself and remember you did nothing to deserve any of this. Hugs from California.

Dear Filly!

Do not blame yourself in this. Peace of mind is probably unrealistic now, but have peace with yourself at least!

Has there been contact with OWH? Perhaps he can calm your fear?

filly,

No words of advice for you. Only my prayers for your full recovery (physical and marital) and for justice to prevail. From what you have posted of your husband, I believe you have great chances of a good marriage again.

Dobie

Filly... You are not a freak or a fool. I hope you are able to come to realize that, very soon! This situation was thrust upon you. It's amazing how the OP doesn't mind meddling in your M, but the second you tell their S you thinkg something is up you are considered the bad guy. Don't let this warped mentality break your resolve. You didn't deserve to have to deal with any of this.

I hope your H now realizes what he has caused, and does right by you.

Wow, thank you all for your kind words, especially you DD.

I am still hurting. My ribs are so sore, I can't sit, I can't laydown, I can't do anything because it hurts. The side of my face is purple and I guess my cheekbone will be ok, I hopefully will not need surgery on that. My father comes home tomorrow for the winter and he has told his housekeeper to do my house instead of his. Thank goodness. I am on some pretty strong pain killers right now, well to me they are strong and they make me sleepy, I am so numb. I feel so void of any feelings except fear. I think I am sad to.

You bet I am going to press every freaken charge I can against her. Her husband calls me everyday. He is filing for divorce. HA HA. He will get their child no problem, but,and I know this sounds strange, but I feel bad for the other kids. I guess she always had been a bit of a scraper, been in quite a few bar fights and what not, what a gal!! I never stood a chance against her. It was a pool que she beat me with. The police found it in her car. I have copies of all the reports. She blames me for this. SHe tried calling our house from the jail that night I guess, but you have to call collect (wierd huh? Never heard of that) my son would not accept it because it was coming from the jail and he had no idea what was happening at the time.

I don't know what will happen to her and I don't care. I know I talk 'tuff', but I am not at all. She kicked my but big time. I would never even know how to begin to defend myself. That will come next. I sometimes think, wow, I should learn how to protect myself. But I probably would still shrink away in fear. I don't know.

I can't even look at my husband right now. My feelings for him are just nothing right now, its like the only people I care about right now are my kids. That is it. I feel so 'out of it'. I went with my brother today to the Chev dealer so he could get some parts for his truck, I stayed in the truck, but people would look at me, I heard one man say "thats her" then the men he was talking to all turned to look at me. I looked down so they could not see my face. I think they felt embarassed then as they all just turned away and went about their business. I hate the pity I see in people. I feel like everyone is talking about me and pointing at me, and I hate it. I went home and cried. I look so ugly!! I look like, well like someone beat me with a stick. The colors are now that ugly greenish, purple and my lips are still cracked and cut up. I have two nasty black eyes, I walk funny because of the pain in my ribs. I noticed today that my lower back is also very sore, I guess I have a huge bruise there also, I think she kicked me there. The bruising on my thighs is not so bad. And less we forget, I am missing a tooth!! What a beauty I am!! I keep my mouth shut. Thats not hard,because if I move my lips to much the cuts crack and it hurts.

The worst part of all this was when they had to take pictures of all my 'battle wounds'. How humiliating. Then the police asked me why would she do this to you? I told them about her and the [censored]. That was just awful.

I am so tired. I will try to check back with all you nice people tomorrow. Thank you so much for listening to me and letting me talk. You don't know how much this helps, well maybe you do.

filly - I don't think any of us ever thought anything like this would ever happen. I've been thinking about it all day. It really goes to show what awful things can happen when one person decides to cheat. I'm sure your H is miserable, and he deserves to be given his choices. But I'm sure he never wanted anything like this. We pay terrible prices for our choices and it's very, very sad. Hang in there, we're all thinking about you.

Filly, I've got a book recommendation for you and your husband. It's "Wild at Heart", by John Eldridge. It is not a book about affairs, but it mentions, in passing, that most men the author has counseled have affairs for the adventure. This is a very non-Harley perspective. I mention it because our marriage counselor, who used to work with Harley, says approx 40% of men don't actually have affairs because of "unmet emotional needs" like Harley says. "Wild at Heart" is a book that explains men. Everyone who is a man, who is married to a man, or who has a son should read this book. You've got a lot to forgive. Understanding your H better will help with that.

Despite that, I still think EVERYONE who is recovering from an affair should read Harley's "Surviving an Affair" with their spouse, if for no other reason than because it is a great tool to use to improve your marriage (providing you actually do the questionnaires) - and right now it sounds to me like you don't really have a marriage, you have a mess.

Man, when you describe what she did to you it gets my blood boiling. I can't believe she just attacked you like that! Was your H standing right there? Did anyone try to help you? I don't know that you could have fought back, unless you just happened to have a stick in your hand too. I'm happy to hear you plan to prosecute to the full extent of the law. I've heard of women like her, they are very proud of themselves when they beat up on someone. They think they are teaching you a lesson, now you teach her one!! She's nothing but a bully!

As far as people talking, time will pass and your story will be old news. Do your best to hold your head up high and go about your business. Don't let her cripple your lifestyle, that's what she would have wanted to happen.

Maybe you can get out and take you some self defense classes, so you can regain some confidence.

We miss you filly.

Please get well and take care of yourself.

We will wait as long as it takes.

You are beautiful - no matter what you see in the mirror - its inside that counts.

You will make it through all of this - with or without "[censored]" and will be a different, stronger, better person - I know.

LYA - DD

Filly,
I too have been following your posts. I am speechless. My prayers are with you. It's scary, I'm sure your H had no idea what kind of woman he was dealing with (not defendin him). With great sadness I must admit to confronting the OW. The A or Getting F'd as I refer to it was confimed by my SO ten minutes before I saw her. I completely lost it. I told him, "I'm going to jail today". I thank god she would not get out of her car. I am soo ashamed of my actions, I am not a violent person. We had our first counseling session last night. My thoughts are with you.
Believe

filly,

If you get the time, let us know you're OK. I know that a number of us here are very concerned for you. Also, check into your local laws to see if you can carry pepper spray. Could be useful in stopping another attack and I believe it's a smart thing for all women to carry.

God Bless.

Dobie

I am feeling better. My fingers are still in this splint like thing, my ribs don't hurt as bad. My face is healing and I start with the oral surgeon next week. I still look like hell, but not as bad as last week. I can sleep now. I also had my first visit to the Dr. for post traumatic stress. Interesting thing, she had me shut my eyes and tell her everything I could remember, then everynow and then she would ask me questions, like what do you feel right now as you see that again? When you have your 'terrors' (that is when I get so scared, I can't hardly move) what was it that you think brought that about? were you sitting? standing? noises? I don't know why any of that matters. I don't know why that all was so important to her, but oh well. She told me this could take a while or I could be ok in a month, you just never know. Because it is all so relatively 'fresh', she feels that we should just take our time and see what rolls out on this. I am fortunate that I know who and why this happend. I was not chosen by random and so we will just visit for an hour every week just to see how I am doing and we will go from there. She feels that I need to heal my wounds and get some rest, she prescribed me MORE pills, these for sleep. Sleeping pills freak me out. I am starting to sleep more any way, and more comfortably also.

I feel numb, like I am just existing. I try to eat, I shower, then I sit and stare at the walls. Sometimes I sleep, I try to read but can't concentrate on anything. I don't FEEL anything. I take the pain killers so I can laydown with no pain. To many pills. Now they gave me some anti depresants, and anti inflamtory thing for my back. I also was on some antibiodies for my broken tooth and some infection they think I may have, before they start my dental work. I just don't FEEL, I don't care. I look in the mirror and see this face and it is not me. I look kind of the same, but not. I am alone amongst my family. I am lost inside and don't know how to get out or even if I want to. I feel like I am living in a vacumn. Sometimes I cry so long and hard that I can't stop it, even if I try. Then other times I just feel so removed from my life. I feel this downward fall happening inside and I feel powerless to stop it.


PLEASE HELP ME!! I AM SO SCARED, I have thoughts of really scary, frightening things. I am not sure what is happening to me. I have nightmares and they are so violent. I never had them before.What is wrong with me?

filly,

It sounds like your therapist may be helping you figure out exactly what "triggers" are causing you the panic so that the two of you can work together on them. And from my own experience, talking about something like that often eases the pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> PLEASE HELP ME!! I AM SO SCARED, I have thoughts of really scary, frightening things. I am not sure what is happening to me. I have nightmares and they are so violent. I never had them before.What is wrong with me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds to me like the PTSD, even though I don't have any training. I had a bit of it myself after D-Day. You have the double whammy of an A and the attack, both of which can cause it. At your next appointment, ask your therapist about classic signs of PTSD and you'll probably find that you have many of them. There are some that you should be aware of, such as hearing things that aren't there, nightmares, flashbacks, confusion, withdrawal, etc. These are normal for someone who has been thru what you have. You may also ask your therapist if there are any books that can help you understand what is happening to you.

Hang in there, lady. We're rooting for you. Let your H be there for you as much as you can. You probably don't even want to deal with him right now, but you'll make more progress if you can work together as a team.

Dobie