I am still waiting for the book SAA to come in but I keep wanting to ask questions about her. As far as I know it is an EA but I'm not sure.

for all you readers out there is it normal that they dont want to admit the truth that he has feelings for her. He told me he loved her back in August but now he tells me that he was confused and emotional. He keeps going back to the fact that I told him in anger 6 years ago that I wished I had never married him but I tell him it is because I was mad at the moment, so he claims he was emotional at that moment and that it does not mean anything. We'll I think It does and that It is alot different than what I said. I asked him if it isnt about her that he definatley wants a divorce then can you tell me right now that after its over and done that you will remain friends and not date her or be together but he cant give me an answer. Am I being unrealistic? I feel like it is a straightforward answer its either yes or no. By him not telling me I feel like its a yes.

I have not told family and friends yet I am waiting for the book so I can read how to go about it without shaming him or without petty.
He tells me I can tell them what I want but that he wont be telling them anything about what I have done or said. Am I correct that he is making me feel guilty? He tries to deny that he told me about this being our 3rd life together and that he has to end it to carry on a different path in life. So now he tells me to beleive what I want and tell people what I want, like I'm going to tell them lies or something.

Then he asks me if I appreciate what he's doing that he is staying here for a year while I go back to school and take a lpn course. I feel that he should do that for me Ive been at home for 7 years caring for our 3 children and I'm sure the courts would see that he cannot abandon his family without seeing that I get a career. I know why hes so willing to stay it makes him feel less guilty that if I have a career before he leaves things will be easier somehow for him.
I know its something I must do for myself and the kids, I hope I can get through this course with all that is going on.

I am sooooo sick of him telling me how he married me because he felt that he didn't want to dissapoint his family.

What's really hard right now is looking at him and wondering how he could have changed so much in this past year. I feel like I've married someone who is a quitter someone so cold that he can look me in the eyes and say he has never loved or cared.

any advice would be appreciated???

<small>[ October 20, 2003, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: commited4life ]</small>

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I feel for you and also identify. I wish I had some advice but my WH is still hiding the truth from me and I haven't been able to find away to encourage him to be honest and I have tried damn near everything.

I always end up finding things out on my own.

Hang in there. I am sure I am headed for divorce....I pray you never have to feel the pain of that reality!

Good Luck

Tell his family and friends. I was the other women and I can tell you he is playing you.
troubledcop911@yahoo.com

THANKS FOR THE POSTS

I told my Husband that his two sisters now know whats happening. I talked to him and I said that I was not going to ask any more question's about her anymore and that I still think our marriage can be saved but that I can't change his feeling for her, that it would be his choice. I could tell he had that look of pain or guilt in his eyes. Im not sure I was to say things like that. I pick the book SAA tommorow so I will be reading.

He told me "It tis what it tis" and that nothing can be saved. We talked about how he is never around the kids and he always tells me "its just the way I grew up" like father like son. I ask him what kind of lessons he is teaching our kids and that I hope our son does not grow up and feel that being is workaholic etc is what fathers do. He replied "I guess we'll find out"

Question#1 Is it normal that after you have told some family that your husband starts acting like he's not worried at all, he's treating the kids better and acting like his old self he's whistleing around the house and has now started to paint some doors in the house etc. I asked him if he is getting the house ready to sell and he replies maybe and then says , its about time I paing the doors. He is actually talking to me a little today just normal things about what he is doing in the house etc.

Question#2
We had been making love on and off about 3 weeks ago was the last time. I know he hadn't changed his mind but I was willing anyways he told me he would do it to satsisfy me. I tried to get him in there last night but he refused. He said it only gets my hopes up but also said that its great at the time but the next day he feels----and made the sound and arm movements of a plane doing a nose dive in the ground. I'm not sure what this means but could it mean that it messes with his emotions and that he has feelings for me, and this creates that feeling of confusion on his part and of course he is not at all ready to admit that to me he is still on the crusade of no feelings for me and that divorce will follow after I am done college.

Question#3

I am still haviing a hard time telling family and friends of an EA when I'm not really sure that is what it is. I simpy told family that we are having problems and that i want it to work out but he us unwilling at the moment. I left our the details of him being gone at night and that he tells me its over and wants a divorce.

<small>[ October 22, 2003, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: commited4life ]</small>

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