Our daughter blew this quote out the other night at dinner. Husbands 1st response was what have I been telling her. I haven't told her anything I guess she picks up on his feelings since she has been over there before.

what do we do? tell them? Husband is not leaving for at least a year while I go back to college.
I am waiting for SAA to come in and I have not told family yet. H denies having any feelings for the ow yet he can't tell me when he leaves me that he wont date her. to me it would be a straight yes or no answer either you have feelings or you don't. Any advice please???

please read my original post if you want further info on everything.

<small>[ October 21, 2003, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: commited4life ]</small>

Pay no attention to him - he's babbling. Get in Plan A immediately. Keep posting here, I think there is lots of hope for your marriage. Take care of yourself, and tell daughter that mommy and daddy will always be there for her. She is picking up on what is going on and is probably wondering where that leaves her.

Believer

thanks for the reply. You are right he is babbling but sometimes I feel this is so hopeless. I'm up against his beleiving in past lives and psychics who tell his I am the wrong soul mate etc etc. He has no love left for me and claims he married me because he did not want to let family down at the time. He said he had no feeling for me approx 7 years ago but always thought it would get better but he never told me how He felt about it. If you want to read my whole story it under the Just found out board under cerri and everyone else(updated)what should I do? I'm waiting for some books to come in so I can start to tell family maybe this will wake him up to what he is doing. Its so hard to tell what is truth and what is not only I do know that when a Ws has feeling for someone else it makes them think about their original marriage and try to justify why they feel this way by finding all the faults of the marriage and making them sound worse than what they were. I still cant beleive this is happening!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm up against his beleiving in past lives and psychics who tell his I am the wrong soul mate etc etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me get this straight....he takes advice from a "Chloe" type and thinks it's "gospel?"

Short of joint counseling, I don't see much hope. A "psychic" for crying out loud. Tell the "john" what he wants to hear and he'll think you are the wisest person around!

Time for you to begin to prepare for life as a single mother. Your husband is already gone and you just won't face that fact because it hurts. He is in fogland and until reality really reaches him, it is unlikely that you'll have much progress. Yes, it is sad, but the boundaries of marriage are quite clear and you need to enforce them for yourself. If he chooses not to, that is his problem and not yours.

So if you want to try a little more, then Counseling is mandatory, not just a nice thing. You both need to address the issues and be held accountable.

God bless.

ForeverHers
thanks for the advice. you are right I have been preparing myself for the life of a single parent. It has been feeling like that for some time. My husband is so much in the fog and feels that there is nothing left to try yet we haven't really tried at all. I want this marriage to work but at the same time I can't go on living with a husband who never spends time with me or the kids and he is always doing his own thing all the time.

He is tired of living in a loveless marrriage yet he never told me how he truly felt. Sometimes he would try but he would shut down or I truly never understood. I never felt emotionally close to him he has so much Independent behaviour that I always felt like he never wanted to spend time with me or the kids but he would come home at night and want loving etc and I was never very receptive. That in turn has made him feel I never have loved him. But he is unwilling to see that the harley books expain so much that was missing in our marriage.
His pranic healing and phycics over the past 2 yrs have made things worse. He feels divorce is the answer and won't even take into consideration how our children will feel.
He is staying for the next year while I go back to college. I rarely see him but I need to do this to make a life better for myself and the kids if he does indeed go ahead and leave.

IMHO, your H is babbling and you are buying it.

STOP THAT!

Sit your H down and admit there are issues, briefly say you love him but that his communication to you needs to make sense.

Let him know that when he can talk with you in a sensible manner, you will be willing to listen (of course you have to mean this).

Then step back and give him his space. Even if it takes him to the OW.

The fact that your daughter has verbalized your worst fears, makes it easier to give him the responsibility to clear up his head and makes things right. Also you can remind him that his current actions and communication are giving those around him (not just you) the message that he is acting a bit strange and as his W, you are concerned about that impression. Is that what he wants? If he wants to be known with those bad character trait, you need to leave him alone. If he says he wants help, the you need to take it to the next step and see how much is he willing to work with you or someone sane to get that help.

This c/b a turning point, don't miss it. Discuss this with your MC.

L.

thanks for the reply

You are right and I have been giving him space.
He needs time to think this through. I am trying to find an appropriate MC but he does not want to go. He said it will not make a differnce. I am trying to be patient and learn good skills at doing plan A