Ok, Last April "03" I got a phone call and the caller asked for me and when I told him it was me he said "ask (your wife) about Mike" then hung up. My wife was right there so I told her what the caller said and she played like she had no idea. I "let it go". Well about a month later all seemed ok and I was walking through the living room and she was on the couch crying, I asked what was wrong and she sat me down and said "I screwed up". I asked her what she ment and she told me that she had cheated with someone from work about a year ago, his name is Mike. She told me there has not been anything going on sence like last may "02" but after that call obviosly she felt I needed to know. Hear is the worst part, she was pregnant at the time of the affair. She promises that it all happened while she was already pregnant and it was over in a couple months. I have to be honest I had a hard time believing her but I was doing ok with it till about a week ago, after it was supposidly over for over a year and a half the phone rang and she answered and did not say anything for about a minute. Then she hung up with a funny look on her face, after about 5 min she picked up the phone and said look at this(the caller ID) and it was his name and number. On Monday she came home and told me that he left her a message that his daughter had accidently hit the memory dial and it was an accident. Well I have obvious questions about all this. I would love to hear others opinions on this. Thanks

Did you ask your W if the child is biologically yours? I ask because if it isn't she needs to confirm this otherwise it is going to be more devastating ,not only to you but for your child as well, if the truth comes out many years later.

Hello,

I would have to agree with Too Much Coffeeman.
She was lying and cheating on you while she was pregnant so why would she not be lying and telling you it was your child. I would think it is very important for you to have a test to check whether the child is yours. It would seem unusual for your wife to be pregnant with your child and then continue in a sexual affair. I think it is far more likely that she became pregnant from the OM. If the test proves positive for the OM then you may wish to contact an attorney to understand the legal obligations of the OM. I am very sorry for your pain. The phone calls indicate that the affair still may be continuing.

Now that you have his phone number I would contact him and find out what he has to say about the affair. Tell him either he talks to you or you will talk to his wife and inform her about his extracurricular activities.

I disagree 100% with yosh. Yes, call him. but only to tell him he has 24 hours to tell his wife about his affair, and that you will call her then to verify he has been truthful. Other than that, you should have no contact with this person. He will not tell you anything useful, and it was your wife that betrayed you, not him, so your wife is the person who you need to deal with.

Thanks for the reply's so far. As for the A**H*** that she cheated with he has children from a previous marrage. I have called him and left a message that he was not for any reason to call my home again and if he felt he needed to contact me for any reason to do it by mail. I am in a difficult position in that I can without a test lucky for me tell the my baby is mine, she not only looks identical but also has other things that assure me, not to mention I don't want to bring her into it in any way shape or form. I realize that if I am wrong that it will hurt more but you have to trust me that I am sure. I am not totaly stupid, I mean I realize that there was probly more to this whole thing than I am being told and I realize that it is possible that it might still be going on. I find it hard to talk to her about it because I refuse to talk about it in front of my daughter and when she is not around to be honest I just don't have the energy to discuss it. When I do I actually for some reason feel guilty that I am bringing it up. I am not sure how to handle the whole thing, I believe that she loves me but I don't think she has respect for me. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Thanks

First off, I highly doubt his daughter "accidentally" hit the memory dial.

Secondly why should your number be on THEIR memory dial?

Thirdly why is he trying to contact your W?

I wouldn't concern myself with contacting the OM. He will disregard you and it may only add to fuel to his fire. He now knows that you are aware of the situation, he has the choice of informing his W on his terms or yours.

If I were in that situation, I would verify that it was my child. We aren't saying you are stupid, but being the BS we are constantly lied to and are never sure what the truth is. But then again that's just me.

You will eventually have to address this whole issue with her and talk about it. Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. You need to come up with a plan of action for dealing with OM in your M and fixing the M.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When I do I actually for some reason feel guilty that I am bringing it up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you bought "Surviving an Affair"? Read it together, and take the questionnaires. It's a good way to deal with the issues slowly and respectfully. You will learn a lot about each other, too, and ways to strengthen your marriage. I am serious when I say that 2 weeks after DDay, after reading about half of SAA, and taking the Emotional Needs Questionnaire, our marriage was better than it had ever been. Ever. Of course, I was still a wreck... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />