Last night we each individually met with the MC and I came away with a lot of info.

WW knows that M and A cannot continue to coexist. This was a huge revelation for me because she was starting to look like a cake-eater (staying home when she feels like it, playing with the dog on her schedule, having meals cooked for her, ENs being met (I hope).) If I had all that I'd eat cake too.

WW is totally disoriented "in the fog" wants to do what she wants to do and "find herself". WW has the weight of the world on her shoulders and doesn't know who to trust: parents, me, God, friends, OM... As a result, she is testing out new lifestyles: out late partying, new clothes, etc. From my perspective, all this new "stuff" is a distraction and escape from the reality of situation. MC suggested if she wants to "find herself" she should do that during a well structured marital separation in the absence of both OM and H. She has said though that she doesn't know if she can give up A (obvious addiction there), but can also see what a good life we have/had. I have serious doubts about her ability to go more than a single day without OM meeting her ENs (conversation, admiration)

WW wants the freedom to make her own mistakes. Even under the counsel of good advice, she wants to make "her own decisions" about good/bad decisions even if others see those decisions as mistakes irregardless of impact on others. She wants to be reckless and rebellious without responsibility. I made the mistake of trying to illustrate why that kind of lifestyle wasn't "fair" with carefully constructed examples that she agreed with. Probably didn't do any good since this is a matter of the heart not mind.

I know that this is classic fog talk, probably the definition of it but it still kills me watching W flush her life (and mine) down the toilet.

MC said "God doesn't make mistakes, we make mistakes" in reference to our M and the vows that we shared. I pass this on to others because it is keeping me going with Plan A and my belief in M and WW. Prayers for patience and guidance and for the deep loneliness I feel are deeply appreciated. Any suggestions for the loneliness part?

The loneliness,,that is a real hard part, isn't it. But you can put that time to good use.

Start by taking care of yourself. This discovery stuff takes a toll on your health. Try working out again to increase your strength and rid yourself of stress. Because the search feature is down and I can't check your past posts I'm assuming by your post that your W is still at home. How about some walks? Together if she is willing or by yourself if necessary. Good time for some talks, not necessarily about your relationship but just building up deposits in the bank.

Use this time to educate yourself. Have you read all the areas of this web site? Checked out any of the suggested books? I always felt most hopeful when I was doing something, anything to understand what we were going through and possible solutions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep up the good Plan A and keep posting. You can do this.

My cure for loneliness - make yourself exercise, swim, walk, run, join a bible study or church group, work on house, yard, detail car, volunteer, read, fish, hunt, do things with buddies, you get the idea. Stay very busy, it really helps you. Then in a month you will be proud of what you have accomplished, instead of just sitting around being miserable. Hang in there, sounds like you have a great understanding of the problem.