Today's thought is:<P>It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of <BR>getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the <BR>Universe – not one particular person – to be our source. <P>It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able to willing to meet our every <BR>request. We are responsible for asking for way we want and need. It's the <BR>other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond<BR>to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's<BR>controlling.<P>There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is <BR>freely given.<P>It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for<BR>meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful,<BR>maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we<BR>expected.<P>It is reasonable to have certain and well-defined expectations of our spouse,<BR>children, and friends.<P>If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take<BR>responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a <BR>boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to <BR>accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.<P>It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic<BR>about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust<BR>ourselves to know what's reasonable.<P>The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for<BR>identifying our needs, believing that they deserve to get met, and discover<BR>an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.<P>Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs<BR>met in relationships.<P>****<BR>Join Melody Beattie, author of Playing It By Heart, <BR>in our chat room this evening for a hosted on-line <BR>discussion from 8:00 to 9:00 pm central time.<P><BR>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *<BR>Today's meditation comes from the book<BR>The Language of Letting Go <BR>by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 <BR>available through our online bookstore at: <A HREF="http://www.hazelden.org/bookstore/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hazelden.org/bookstore/</A> <P>PASS IT ON:<BR>Today's Gift from Hazelden is an automated mailing provided FREE by<BR>the Hazelden Foundation. We encourage you to brighten somebody's day<BR>by forwarding today's message to others. Anyone can subscribe to <BR>this e-mail list by visiting the Hazelden website at <A HREF="http://www.hazelden.org" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hazelden.org</A> and clicking on the Thought for the Day icon.<P>TO SUBSCRIBE:<BR>Go to <A HREF="http://www.hazelden.org" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hazelden.org</A> and click on Thought for the <BR>Day. You can also register on our homepage to find out more about <BR>other helpful website features and services.<P>TO UNSUBSCRIBE: <BR>To unsubscribe from this service, click on the Reply icon of your <BR>e-mail system; change the subject to UNSUBSCRIBE and send it. In order <BR>for our system to process your request automatically, it is VERY <BR>IMPORTANT that you reply to this message from the e-mail address which <BR>receives our daily messages and that you change the subject to <BR>UNSUBSCRIBE before sending.<P>TO REPLY:<BR>Was today's thought especially meaningful to you? We're interested<BR>in your feedback. To contact us, DO NOT REPLY to this message or<BR>send e-mail to this sender by hitting the reply button on your e-mail<BR>program. Instead, please create a separate message and send it to <BR>webmaster@hazelden.org.<BR>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *<P><BR>

Thank you...<P>Your thoughts are appreciated...<BR>Whether your in Plan A, B or P... we have to uncerstand our spouses are human... with many failings... even are a "complete" recovery!<P>Great thoughts... great words...<P> <P>Jim