I just recently joined another board divorce busters. I was telling them how I was needing to tell family about their possible being a EA but they tell me not to unless I am sure. My H spends alot of time at her shop but she is not there sometimes. They tell me third hand info can be damaging. I want to do the right thing and not push him away. I feel she was a friend and that sometimes we do have friends that we love and that his emotions are mixed up. But at the same time he is telling me how he has never loved me and wants a divorce no matter what. I am really torn H sister Thinks I should only tell the basics and that they do not need to know the details she said it will make parents feel like I am trying to make them take my side. All I know is that I am hurting over his words and I know why he's saying them but I'm torn about telling family after all it's their son wont they beleive what he has to say. I dont want to hurt anyone and I don't want to be put on the bad books regarding my H.

Well...first off, I would say pick a marital recovery method and stick to it. Don't mix and match. That is like being on the Atkins diet and the water diet all at once.

Secondly, I would guess there is an emotional or physical affair going on...the odds are good when a spouse suddenly wants to rush out the door and expresses those sort of sentiments. But there are certainly exceptions to that, and if there is no affair then running around acusing him of one is certainly a major lovebuster you don't need right now.

If you decide to go with MB, I would say get right into Plan A, try to keep him in the ghouse, and keep your eyes peeled for further signs of an affair.

Thanks for the post mike.

You are right I need to pick a remedy and work at it. I failed to tell you that my H has told me that he was in love with the other woman and me and that he felt like having sex with her. I have already been told by cerri and takola to tell family but I'm not sure I need to tell them all the detatils yet. I am confused. As for couselling yes I need to get some good couselling like harley. I went to one today in our area and she told me that maybe my husband wasn't being truthful and that maybe he did marry me when he shouldnt have , what a buch of c--p.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by commited4life:
<strong>I failed to tell you that my H has told me that he was in love with the other woman and me and that he felt like having sex with her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay...important data point.

Prior to answering I looked back on your recent posts but there weren't any....maybe because of the site upgrade.

Anyway, if he has told you he wants to leave and is in love with this woman, then you know the situation. I would go along with cerri and say reveal that info to his family (exactly what he said, no embellishment).

Then, get going on Plan A. What ENs do you think he gets met by the OW? Do you know what his top ENs are? can you identify your LBs and stop them cold, immediately?

Do you think the OW would be any help here? Is she married? Do you know if the feeling is mutual, or is your H just smitten?

Thanks mike i do agree with you but at the same time I feel I'm changing my mind because H sister believes that I should not go into details. I'm stuck. Yes I have been doing other principles of plan A. I changed my name from feeling lonely to commited4life I was worried H was reading posts. I have three post just down the bottom of the board in the just found out board topic starter is commited4life. You will get a great deal of info on my situation there. Have other people had problems with H reading I feel that If mine knew i was planning Plan A all my attempts would fail because does not want it work and especially if I am taking advice from this board. I know he can find my posts if he lookes hard enough I just did that to put him off track. What do you think of the other cousellor i seen?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by commited4life:
<strong>What do you think of the other cousellor i seen? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She sounds more like a divorce counselor than a marriage counselor.