I'd like to hear from BS or WS about their "confrontations" --reactions to discovery..

THe stories that goes something like.."She burned all of my clothes in the back yard", or " He posted pictures of me and the other man all over my office " ...stories of desperate revenge done by you or done to you.

<small>[ October 27, 2003, 02:20 PM: Message edited by: SheWill ]</small>

SheWill

How about starting with your story first???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

Well, I'm a little ashamed of my reaction..but here goes. This is for the "first" incident that I got confirmation on. After hearing a voice mail and just asking him casually if he talke don the phone to ANYONE that day, he of course denied it. I did some research and found out where she lived. I went to her house and told her to come outside. I was in horrific shock when I saw her "plus size" figure and "cold sores" on her lips. I was hoping she'd be drop dead gorgeous and buff like a sports model.
Asked her what was up..she said "IT" was over. I'm like what exactly is "IT"? She said well we kissed, talked , I'm sorry.
I'm like uh, I think I'd better go before I lose it on you. I need to gain my composure. ( I have worked many years on self-control..for those of you that read my other post about hitting.) Well then I drove around for a little bit..Made some calls to arrange child-care for my kids
When evening came. I confronted my hub again to give him a chance to fess up. I'm big onhonesty so this would have gained him SOME leeway with me. Of course he lied. As I started telling him what she and the vasrious voice mails had confirmed,I just lost it... I got a bat and started swinging at him, the computer, I don't even remember what else. I was going to leave the house to gain my composure again but felt overwhelmed with hurt and anger and threatened him with a knife...tried to punch him in the face over and over. I'm 5 feet he's 6 feet...this didn't work too effectively. ALot of the night was a blur..Unfortunately so many months later the "feelings" are Oh too fresh!..
Is everyone as Psycho as me?

Come on People, entertain and & enlighten me!!!
Please!

okay, I'll play.

When my H confessed to me, I really didn't react, I cried asked the why's and how come but and called her the next night to get some answers that my H was not very straightforward with, she of course volunteered to answer any question I asked. H moves out for a few weeks. I go into Plan B and he's begging me to let him come home. I give in, and two or three weeks later I found out they're still seeing each other. I told him to leave, I went on a rampage didn't sleep all night was going on pure adrenaline. Next morning, I got up to drive my daughter work and go in to see her (OW), I got my daughter a summer job in the same company as me, H and OW go figure. Anyway, I saw her threw my wedding ring in her face after I slapped her. Told if she wanted my H she could have him. Called her H to tell him about the A (yes, we were all friends at one time) she left her H for mine. Funny thing is, her H won't take her back she's alone and miserable. So, what goes around does finally come around.

She did not expect me to do anything I did. And I don't regret it one bit to this day. It was the nail in the coffin, that ended the game.

Couldn't resist. My H was gone all night and I noticed neighbor was too. We had a wedding to go to at 1:00 Saturday. He came home at 12:30 and said "Are you ready to go to the wedding?". Then I walked outside and saw his truck was filled with camping gear. He said he had gone camping to get some space (with 2 aleeping bags), D-Day #2 - H said he would break up with OW - they went to a motel to do it. D-day #3 - H said this time I'm really breaking up with her- they went to motel to do it. D-day #4 H said she was no longer in the picture. That night I caught her in bed with him at my step-daughters place. His excuse "she came to the door". There were 5 more d-days, but this is getting boring. Next.......

O.k. I was just oblivious. WS came home after weeks of pick, pick, picking on everything I did. Finally I said "What gives here?". I get the "I'm not happy and its all because of you" speach. I go running to my best girlfriend, maid of honor at my wedding,Godmother to my children, who has been telling me for months get rid of him..............Three weeks later my family and best girlfriends family go on vacation together. WS is being really nice to best friend, taking her side, catering to her, goes on long walks with her. Best friends husband and I decide to go on walk too, guess what??? Best friends husband heard the same thing I heard just a few days before me. It took me awhile even after that to realize that best friend could do that to me and she was OW.
Best friend and H are now divorced. Best friend is still working with WS at the job I got her. Best friend tells all who will listen that she has WS wrapped around her finger and has no remorse for what she has been involved in, Ws of course says not true, he wants to work on M, but he believes is it just something that happened.

km4

Believer, and Km4 what did you do?

Well I had a gut feeling based on some intangible
things and how she had withdrawn.

I placed a voice activated recorder behind the drivers seat in her car.

I caught her leaving the OM a voice message about missing him and loving him. Then she was talking to herself as if speaking to him saying how it was hard not to be able to see him this week because she hadn't seen him last week and wouldn't be able to see him next week (Thanksgiving).

Well I didn't get a chance to listen to the tape until after she went to sleep that night because I was with her that afternoon and beyond after I removed the recorder.

So somewhere around midnight I had played it enough times that my heart couldn't deny what my ears were hearing.

I snapped the light on and confronted her. Yelled probably all the way until the sun rose. She kept swearing they were just friends and I kept saying bull.

That following night I grabbed some things and stayed the night at a local hotel set on moving out the next day.

An A crossed my mind from January - June of this year, but I thought "nah, we're too close and best friends for that to happen". Suspected so much that I checked H's work voice mail a couple of times...just never hit on anything.

6/20/03 d-day - walked into H's office unexpectedly around noon. Heard him typing on his computer as I walked up. He froze when I walked in the doorway. His face turned bright red and he looked like he could cry. Asked him what was wrong and it took a few minutes before he finally answered "nothing". I asked him if he was sending an email that he shouldn't be sending or something. He just sat there and stared at me. I knew at the moment that he was involved in an A. In fact, I felt like there were three people in his office and if I looked under his desk, I would find a women.

I left, went home for lunch (H had to run some errands), checked his voice mail and sure enough, heard 5 voice mail messages from OW. First one confirmed them having sex on 6/4 & 6/5. I thought I would die.

I was still listening to the messages when H came home. I held the phone up to his ear and said "listen to this". I asked him who it was and who was he f******. He said he had no idea who it was or what the messages were. I lost it then. Said bull****, she's saying your name.

I quickly saved the 5 voice mail messages to my voice mail. Ran back to work and got on his computer. He showed up and I said "you might as well show me the emails you have and the one you were sending when I walked in". He did and I freaked out even more. They were in the middle of planning another hotel day.

Spent the next three days yelling, screaming, crying, throwing up, feeling hysterical. Alternated between telling him to find a place to live and then back to don't leave me. It was sad.

I can still repeat those voice mail messages word-for-word at 4 months later. It was the most traumatic thing I've ever been through.

In fact, just thinking about that moment again is causing me to shake all over and I'm near tears. It's unbelieveble how much it hurts.

sss

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> There were 5 more d-days, but this is getting boring. Next....... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope you left him......otherwise I dont get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

D-Day #1,
For a month, contant fighting. He'd stay downstairs until late hours of the night falling asleep on the couch & using excuses one after another as to why he didn't want to forfill my SN & why he didn't want to keep me up watching TV in our room.
Got into a big fight & I asked him to leave the home for a little while. He had been gone a week, before the neighbor next door come up and asked me if he was my H. She then told me about the girl catty corner from our home & how she had been coming over talking about how they had slept together in Feb & she wasn't sure if the baby she was carring was his.

I immediatly (after putting my kids down for a afternoon nap) called the house where I knew he had been staying & told him it was an emergency & I needed to talk w/ him right away.

He gets in the house..wondering and asking "whats wrong"? I asked him about her and he looked at me with this expression on his face like he needed to fix things and fast..and denied it. Making me out to be crazy for asking him. I was sooo pissed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I swiftly stood from the couch where I was sitting & shaken (he was standing up in front of me) & I reached around and slapped him dead in the face as hard as my body allowed.

Truth came out then... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I grabbed some of his belongings as he is crying "you made me do it" and threw them all out of the windows onto the lawn where everyone could see. (including her if he dumb ***** was watching!) and yelled for the neighborhood to hear..."you can have this worthless [censored]! Here's his s**t! Come & get it..he's a worthless piece of s**t anyways!"
embarrasing the hell out of him as he is walking as fast as he can around the block and away from my home.

2nd D-Day...(4 mo's later) I had suspected he was fooling around again. I had heard from a friend some sexual comments he was making & flurting around with various girls. So, I wrote him a letter telling him he had a day to come clean or I was ending this M for good.
He avoided me for 2 days b/c he had lied for sooo long about so much he didn't know which one I was referring to & figured I'd get mad enough to tell.
Once again...I had to flip off the wall, yelling loudly & hestericly...finally blurting out a few things & he in anger spit out is lousey confession. "yeah i said that" ...more to it..he had been sleeping around for our entire relationship...
Threw him out again! Not as much drama the second time..had a lot more values developed from this site. Stood up for myself & have kept him out ever since! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Finding Clarity___Be strong my dear...

SheWill, what did I do next? I promptly fell apart.... I didn't tell anyone for along time. But when I finally did tell a few people, those tht had been through it also all gave me the same advice. WORK ON YOURSELF!! I did, I went to counseling, I went back to school to become a teacher at 39 so I could be financially independent. But it's taken until very recently after 16 months to finally say to him this is what I want and if you can't do it then I don't need you in my life. I wish I'd been able to say that at the beginning but that was a big part of the problem, I had closed my eyes to the problems in our marriage his as well as mine and had fallen into a black hole were I no longer existed, I was not me but a shell of me.

The sad part is he needs me more then I need him but he doesn't see that.

I've found out recently that this is something she planned, she was planning on leaving her husband of 25 years and she set a trap on my WS who had all the security she wanted. Of course he had to be willing and he was in a very difficult place in life and she was able to poison him against me. She has no remorse for it and even though they have both agreed to NC except regarding work, she still tries everything in the book. My WS says it was something that just happened and that neither one of them was looking for it. I know we are not in recovery even though he says he wants to "try" to fall back in love with me,until he can see her in all her truth and glory. I beginning to doubt that will happen.
KM4

Here's a small part of my horror story.
I get STD.
Confronted H.
H denies cheating at first and finally makes up a story, with scary details about picking up a woman in a bar one night.
Yes he made up the story! Unbelievable!
Why?
Because he did not want to admit that the only one he could have gotten the STD from, was a woman he had a sexual relationship with for several years.
I had always supected it, confronted him many times but he had always convinced me that he loved me and would never do such a thing. Yada yada yada.
He thought I would accept a quickie pick up better than a long term affair.
Well I was destroyed by quickie pick up story.
Lost 20 pounds, needed medication for depression.

He decides to tell the truth about long term affair, I guess because it had been over for 4 years, and we had been really happy together.
I tell him I am leaving him. His behaviour is disgusting and shameful.
H finally tells me he made up story.
Now I am really depressed, disgusted, ashamed, and in unbelievable pain.

Finally he admits to long term affair.
Long term affair gets longer every few months.
I would say it took about 10 or 11 months to get the truth.
So I have really had multiple d-days and through all of this I have committed every love buster imaginable. I beat him up verbally, slapped him, threw things, cried and let him know just how painful it was and what a horrible person he was.
He responded in all the right ways saying he deserved all of the abuse, that he had always loved me and told the OW that right from the start. I think he now understands how important honesty is to our relationship and I know
he realizes now just how much he loves me.
It has been a year since it all started and things are getting better.
On a positive note, I think we can make it.
I can't believe he did this and neither can he.
And I sure wish the internet MB had been around years ago.

My (cheating) wife gets ENGAGED to her boss while we're still married. Wait, I'm not done yet. She tells me this and asks me if I'll come to their wedding.
Her other Affair she had 2 years prior she said to me 'You weren't being a good husband, so I concocted this story to scare you into being a better husband to me.' Yeah right - and she sat me down in front of her boss at the time as well as the pastor of our church... Would YOU lie to a preacher?
Go figure. At any rate, I'm so glad all this CRAP with her is over with for good, she's out of my life permanently, and the Lord found a wonderful Christian woman who is everything my former wife could only dream of...
What? Me Worry? NOT.

The Saturday night that my H left our home to go on a business trip for seven days outside of the US...he "forgot" and left his email account open...being the nosy person I am...I looked...and died. He was having an affair with a co-worker who I thought was also a very dear friend of mine.

I called him at the airport and told him he needed to come home...I would not explain (am sure he guessed)...he agreed...came home leaving baggage at airport as already checked. (we returned later to claim)

While waiting for him to arrive home, I received several calls from him asking me why he had to come home, I wouldn't answer, just that he had to come home...I also received one from "my friend"/his OW...he later admitted he called her to see if she could discovery what was going on...I held my cool...and did NOT tell her or say anything to her in anger.

When my H arrived home, I was sitting outside on our lovely back deck, the site of many a discussion. I confronted him...he attempted to lie like the dog he was. He tried the it's nothing, just friends...when I told him I'd read some of his emails to and from her...he said it had gotten too emotional, but no sex...I informed him I had read the email about the hotel room...he then broke down and begged me to not leave.

As for me...I was a trembling wreck! I couldn't stop shaking and I was sooooo cold (it was July). I wasn't particularly angry (YET), just in shock, afraid, and hurting so badly I knew what was meant by "heart breaking".

So both our reactions were fairly normal...me in pain and shock...and him trying to lie his @$$ off!