I just recently found out that my wife who is a dispatcher had an affair with a police officer. After several days of fighting with her on this subject she finally came out and told me that she had the affair. I read and printed everything off of the site and asked her to read it but she refuses to. What should I do? She doesn't want to even discuss her affair with me, she wants me to forget all about it and move on with my life. How am I supposed to do that?

Welcome to MB ??Stumped??.

Remember that admitting to having an affair and reliving it by talking about it, is NOT something that most WS are proud of so if you want her to open up and talk to you about her affair you MUST create an emotionally safe environment where she can feel free to tell you what her innermost thoughts and feelings without the fear of being punished by you for doing so. But you won't achieve this if you are resorting to love busters (habits that destroy romantic love: angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, annoying habits, independent behavior and dishonesty) for they are the emotional toxic waste that will kill her love for you. You can start this emotionally safe environment by developing empathy for her, and validating her feelings (not the same as condoning the affair) so that she will start taking steps to share more and more of them with you.

Hello,

I would strongly suggest marriage counseling and make sure you both get tested for STD's. It is ridiculous for her not to discuss it with you. How could you ever trust her again if she refuses to discuss how it happened. If she refuses to show remorse or even to go to marriage counseling then I think you should see a lawyer to understand your legal options. How do you think she would be acting if the roles were reversed?

Her attitude toward you continues to be that of disrespect. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. If you ignore it then there is no reason why it will not happen again.
She betrayed you in the worst way and continues to do this by not discussing it with you. Why does she feel that you would accept such behavior without consequences? I wish you luck.

First, tell the OM's wife, if he is married - you would want to know in her position, wouldn't you? The path to recovery is not an easy path. "Just getting over it" and sweeping it under the rug do not work. Click on the link in my signature line for more info on what DOES work.