I spent alot of time here last may under another name, found out my H who is bipolar was having an emotional affair (that is all he admitted) he begged that we work things out, go to counseling and really work on the marriage. We had a great time while my 6 yo son was out of town for a month (mine not his son) and we went to counseling 2 times. After a while the money and whatever were excuses not to to, after we lost the house and moved, I asked H to go back to couneling cause I just needed it he made excuses, I knew something was wrong I had a breakdown off of stopping my anitd's and I quite my job, he flipped out, he had also stopped and switched his meds, well finally after alot of turmoil for weeks he ended up in the hospital I was having a hard time being there for him as he wasnt for me. He was mad at that, he ended our marriage in counseling, I found out like 4 days later he had been communicating with another girl at work and that is who took him to the hospital to say the least I flipped! How can anyone work on a marriage when they constantly turn to the other sex for support, and a ego boost. I moved back to my parents from AZ to VA less then a week ago. We talked and thought that maybe if he could straighten himself out and I could go to CoDA and get my self esteem straight maybe there was hope but I am having a hard time when I talk and email him because I feel put off and it may just be me, but then I think is he with her ( he says they are just friends) she is also married and has a baby. He lost his job, he lives with his parents now, got a DUI a week before I moved out etc etc how does he have anything to offer her?? I need some advice on if I should totally back off let him come to be or what???

Tell her husband!

Trust me I was going to and the worse part is my H was friends with him, talked about him, and dag about 3 days before I found out he was telling me how he had changed jobs and this and that, but I can't track him down, and now I have moved away. I am sure if I had the money I could hire a PI. I have her email address at work too.

I know I should start on plan B already, he told me it was done and over, then before I left we talked about him coming to see me in VA once I get an apt and see how things are once we work on ourselves. But how can we do that when he is still talking and seeing other girls. I told him last night that as long as he is still seeing her and talking to her then I can't talk to him and he said it isn't like that and whatever. So I think I should stick to it but with us being so far away how will we ever recover??? He even mentioned in a phone conversation he feels like picking up and moving here. He isnt working, and this and that and I am the only one that ever really stood by him.

Read your story and pretend that it is not you but a best friend or sister....

What would be your first instinct to tell this person?