Four months ago my Wife walked out, No fights,no arguments(in 16 yrs). She left 4 teenagers, a home and a loving husband. Lots of questions, no understanding. I later spoke to her an asked why, she said she didn't love me anymore. She said I was always working and never home. In defense, four months pryor she wanted to quit her job. I said she could if thats what she really wanted, but I would then have to work more even pick up a second job to make up the short fall. She quit the same day, and I later got a second job. We still fell into a bankruptcy. She took off with the man next door, and now lives with him. She says its over wants a divorce. She doesn't speake to the kids( 6 weeks )and when she did she was mean, bitter an called them names. She has turned into a completely different person. I have sent the kids to counciling and that has helped. They are still angry with her. She never gave any indication that she was unhappy. It was like we got hit with a 2X4 in the back of the head. She doesn't want to try to work it out, just throw it all away. She has caused us all so much pain, suffering and hardship in everyway. For someone to do this to their family is so selfish. We pray for her every nite. I will not speak bad of her to anyone, but people including the children see my fustration. I put her on a pedestal our whole marriage always tring to encourge her. She offen was moody and I would never know what mood she would be in when I got home. Although I have forgiven her for what she has done and I still wear the band I am increasingly becoming more angry with her actions. Even though she is gone, she is still causing us more financial hardship and pain with her actitivies. I believe the marriage is over at this point. Her being with this OM for 4 months and no communication with us in nearly two. Does anyone know the end to this story?

Michael,

My thoughts go out to you. I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this. Keep your head high and you will get through this. You have come to a great place and you will get much support here...

I don't think anyone knows the ending to your story. But just remember affairs almost always end. If you can hold out until it ends, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.

It sounds as if you truly love your W. If this is the case and you want your marriage to continue, you have come to the right place. If you haven't read the concepts here, I'd suggest you do so. Also, get some good books. The first one I suggest is Surviving an Affair by Harley. He has some other books and another great one is His Needs/Her Needs. A couple other books by different authors is Divorce Busters by Michelle Werner Davis and Torn Asunder. I don't remember the author of that book. Reading and learning about affairs and emotional needs may help you understand the addiction of an affair and you will be much better equipped to handle things.

My W left me about 3 1/2 months ago. She said some pretty horrific things. She didn't love me, she hasn't loved me, our marriage was all a big lie, etc. This is all fog talk. Sure there were bad times and I take responsibility for my part of her leaving. But, she is the one that made the final decision to have the affair. I did a very short plan A and I'm now in plan B. Eventually she will see that OM cannot meet all of her needs. Whether or not she comes back is up to her...

In the meantime I've been working on me and my family. I know its hard, but you have to start planning a life without your wife. Get yourself together, do things you've wanted to do, spend time with family and friends. Make yourself strong, so if and when she comes back you will be strong enough to go through reconiliation or you will be ready to move on. Don't give up hope, just know that only about 3 percent of affairs actually lead to marriage and those that do lead to marriage rarely succeed.

And also, your story may seem horrible and it is but it is very similar to many others. Don't feel you are the exception to the rule. Affairs seem to follow a very predictable pattern and yours seems very close to many here. Learn as much as possible, get on some meds if you need to, work on yourself, and keep posting. I'm by far no expert on these matters, but if you continue to post, other more qualified members with give you some great advice. Keep your head up, you will get through this......

Too soon to tell what the 'end of the story' is going to be.

It sounds like your W may be suffering from some type of MLC(mid life crisis) and is using the affair as a way to get away from what she beleives is the cause of her unhappiness, you and the kids.

Her lack of contact with you and your kids may turn out to be a blessing in disguise for she now has to depend 100% on the OM for all of her EN(emotional needs) and that is going to inject cold, hard reality into their fantasy. If she starts to love bust the OM, he could reach the point of kicking her out the door. I suggest that you hold off on filing for divorce for at least 6 more months and keep your eyes and ears open.

THANKS FOR THE ADVISE. YOU BOTH (LOST-WITHOUT-HER, TOOMUCHCOFFEE) recommend getting some reading on the subject and I will. I see the respect issue coming up with the children. They are still too immature too bite their tongue and not show any disrespect to their Mother. I know I will have a hard time about them being disrespectful. The opportunity hasn't come up yet, but it will. I'm not saying they should not have lost some respect for her, but hold YOUR HEAD high and don't disrespect your self by disrespecting her. Any Ideas?

Have you thought about getting them some professional counseling to help them constructively deal with the emotional upheaval?

If there is no reason to talk to your W, I wouldn't even try. I know it would be hard for you to do a plan A, but a plan B may not be a bad idea just so you don't lose what love you have left for your W. I may be wrong here and I hope someone will correct me if I am. I think you should work on you, work on building a strong family with your kids, act as if your W has already divorced you and just wait. I don't mean go out with other women, but go out with friends, family, your kids. Stay busy and learn what you can. There is no rush to divorce and it should be far from your mind right now. It is way too early to think about that. You have plenty of time, actually, that's what you have the most of. So, even though it may be hard, go on without her until she is ready to come back. If you were to divorce right now, what would you be doing? Well, do those things now. I know you wouldn't be looking for someone else this early, so do other things you've put off. Learn to dive, build a garage, take your kids camping. You don't have to spend alot of money to have fun. Just do. Forget about her for now. I know its hard, but its better than dwelling on it and being depressed all the time. I can tell you one thing, my house is alot cleaner than it ever was. I've done alot of repairs that needed fixing. I've spent some great quality time with my kids. And, I've gotten myself back in shape, lost 50lbs in 6 months, running 5 miles 3 days a week. I feel better about myself and I've gotten alot done, not to mention my closeness to my kids. Just some suggestions. Keep posting, we're here for you....