I am not really sure if I would be considered cheated on. I think so and it certainally feels that way. My husband of 8 yrs kissed ow at work. He called me the next morning and told me about it. He told me he didn't know why he did it but he was sorry. She has been transfered to another shift, so they don't work together any more. I am not sure where to go from here. I was hurt, then angry and now I just don't want to be in that place ever again. He thinks that he needs to just forget about it and move on. That if he dewells on it, it will take over. I think that there is something more going on with him for him to do this. I also feel like I am lost with no direction. I am over the hurt and the anger, for the most part. I just feel like if he doesn't know why he did this and why it happened then there is a very real chance it will happen again. He also acts likes nothing happened at home and I feel like he expects me just to get over it. Like he doesn't care what it did to me as long as his family is still ok. We have two kids and have been married for 8yrs. I told him our marriage was safe but I think now that may have been a mistake because now he thinks that its just over and he is safe. This is not over for me. I don't know maybe I am blowing this all out of wak. It was just a kiss. Please I really need some advice.

Yes you WERE cheated on for a sexually charged kiss is just as bad as sexual intercourse so it is unrealistic for both of you to think that this is just going to go away by itself. But in his defense, he did come clean and told you about it which showed honesty on his part (he could have kept it to himself and you would never have known about it). If you punish him for his honesty, then you are encouraging him to be dishonest in the future and that is a sure fire way for him to have a full blown affair. Honesty, is the enemy of affairs, and the more you two can be open and honest with each other (without the fear of being punished for it) the less likely ANY of you will have an affair (beleive it or not you too are vulnerable to have an affair of your own). The way you create an emotionally safe environment is for both of you to avoid ALL love busters such as angry outbursts(abuse), selfish demands(dictatorship), disrespectful judgements(criticism), dishonesty(lying or hiding the truth), independent behavior(selfishness), and annoying habits(leaky faucet).

I highly recommend that you read Dr Willard Harley's 'Surviving An Affair', 'Love Busters', and 'His Needs Her Needs' as well as Dave Carder's 'Torn Asunder'.

Click on the link in my signature line for information on how to recover from his affair.

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>