Here gpes...

This could be long I will try to make it short.

Nov 2001= D-Day 1 , WS having affair , reason given, I didnt pay attention to him and pushed him away. Truth be told, I never wanted to have sex. Once D-Day came and went I changed like you wouldnt beleive. I realized I loved this man, I made mistakes so I changed for me and for us. He had promised OW the world, she became pregnant, he couldnt leave me after all. So he stayed I cant really say he ever worked on US and he agrees. When I said NC he said NO, I felt bad for him as he always wanted children and she was pregnant with his 1st child, so I allowed her to come over whenever she wanted (I KNOW, BELIEVE ME I KNOW) that soon changed.
April 2002- OC was born
Sept 2002- OW pregnant again , she has an abortion because he blows up and tells her she is trying to trap him, I look at these two and laugh, I tell my WS thats it ,I cant do this anymore. He promises he will stop the affair he will change, I stay again.

Dec 2002- We are having a baby
Jan 2002-current= WS starts going out everyweekend and staying out till 5-6 am says he is with friends. A couple of times I went looking for him I found him with OW, he said she is stalking him and follows him around. She says nothing.

June 2003- WS starts saying *ILYBINILWY..
*We should seperate and start over
*I am frustrated at the situation I put myself in
but he would never admit to having continued affair. I beleive him to be a serial cheater as his phone bill reflects multiple womens numbers all times of the day.

August 2003- Baby Boy is born.. during delivery he is on the cell phone with her the entire time, he is leaving the room in and out in and out, thank god family was there or I would have been alone. Day after DS is born he spends the night with her, his story to me is he was exhausted so he came home and slept.

October 2003- WS way of telling me he is cheating " I am tired of leading 2 seperate lives" his behaviors change even more, 0 affection,0 friendship,0 converstaion,0 helping with baby.. ZILCH , NADA, he comes home and sleeps thats about it.

November 1,2003= I decide enough is enough and pack his stuff , he picks it up and leaves.

Now here is my issue. This is where I am stuck. I didnt do a plan B letter, I am not sure I plan A'd very well. Seems just for my fear of being alone, I enabled him to continue this behavior. I still love this man, I have cried daily since he has been gone. He feels he doesnt want a relationship at this point in life, he says he has no feelings for me, but yet he misses me, baby and home. He wants to come and go as he pleases and have no questions asked, then he says we can date and start all over again. Just last night I realized I cant do this, this hurts more than I thought, It may seem pitiful but I take the scraps he gives me so a 45 min conversation makes me feel good. But I feel like he wont realize what he had here if he can come whenever he pleases or talk to me. I dont know what to do anymore, I am just rambling now. I am leaning towards Plan B, I know he wont like that cause he said he cant lose me as a friend in the least. His family and friends know about the affair but this has been going on so long, they just turn their heads. Can anyone give me something...anything.. even a slap on my darn head.. Why wasnt I enough? Why cant I just let him go? I have been praying for god to show me what the right thing to do is, and all I keep coming to is Plan B. If you got this far thanks for reading.
Jessica

You need to be in Plan B and here is why:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am leaning towards Plan B, I know he wont like that cause he said he cant lose me as a friend in the least. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He likes the current situation too much. He has no motivation to end it or make any choices. You are continually being hurt.

No WS likes Plan B. That's pretty much the point, along with keeping you from further hurt.

What is keeping you from Plan B?

I bumped a conversation in Plan B thread for you. I know you are not yet in Plan B, but this thread also applies to you.

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

Takola's right. He's a fencesitting cakeeater. You need to go into PlB. Now!! Don't take his scraps. When you do, you are actually giving to him in return, even if you dont' realize it. PlB, period. No contact with him until he is ready to do right thing, or you are D'ed. BTW, if you can get Cerri's help, do it.

MTD

jessicafl27,
Praise be to God, you are still with us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . After your last post on the Prayer Request Forum, over a month ago, we were worried (you had mentioned suicidal thoughts), and no one heard from you again.
Come back and visit us so you can let all your brothers and sisters in Christ know that you are well.
God's Grace be upon you.
TTSMM

Why wasnt I enough?

You have to go to Plan B because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! You've had enough of his crap and scraps. If he wants you let him DO something about it. Of course he wants you as a friend at least. He can rely on you to always be there. And this will go on as long as you let it. Especially if he is a serial aldulterer, why would he need you? Because you're the one letting him get away with it. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT. Go to Plan B and show him what he'll be missing. Make him miss you and suffer enough to DO something about it. You may think I'm being harsh on you, I am because I care. I've been where you are with a wishwashy H. It's time for him to wake up and grow up.

Here's how Carolkh handled her situation when it looked like her H's cakeeating and fencesitting would go on indefinitely.

If you need to vent or help, you've come to the right place.

All very good advice. You do need to be in PlB.

And it's not about you not being good enough. People are unhappy in their marriages, it's a sad but true fact of life. There are ethical ways of dealing with that - but infidelity is not one of them. The fact that he chose to have an affair is about him and his values and choices.

C

cerri, would you check out my thread on General Questions entitled "To have a date with WH or not?".

I'm thinking about Thanksgiving coming up ... and how to proceed from here. Think I need your advice now.

Thanks in advance.