The best thing to do would be to go to the bookstore link
here and order Surviving an Affair. And then keep in mind that Plan A has been revised a bit since the book was written in '98.
Here are some other links you will find helpful:
Harley on Plans A&B Johnh39's links I have a bunch of stuff on Plan A in
my thread somewhere in this area. Very much of what I write here at JFO is Plan A directed - so you can search on my member # and see if there is anything that interests you.
This is pretty much what I tell people comprises a good PlA:
Plan AGenerally I have people do PlA in this order of importance and as much as possible simultaneously :
Eliminate love busters... demands, disrespect, losing temper, dishonesty (this includes withholding info particularly about how you feel), independent/annoying behaviors.
Confront with what you know, how you know it and how you feel about the things she is doing - really just being honest, but it seems I need to say this part explicitly.
Expose the affair/relationship/friendship to friends, family, church, coworkers and anyone else that might have some influence to encourage her to stop what she is doing and recommit to the marriage.
Meet needs as allowed. Often you won't be able to meet the intimate needs such as affection that is overt. You can create an atmosphere that is calm and caring but probably not romantic. However the needs of DS, FC, FS... all of these are needs that you are usually allowed to continue to meet, and the ones that are missed the most when Plan B is implemented.
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Plan A is all about the straying spouse. It is a strategy to end the affair and to negotiate a return to the marriage. It must have a time limit and it is not a lifestyle choice for restoring your marriage. For that you need a Plan for Recovery - but we'll talk about that when you get there.
All the best,
C
