My H wrote me a letter, basically I'll paraphrase but you'll get the gist:
Letter from H:
He called the MC to see if he should give the apology letter he wrote to OW to her. He felt that was not the right thing to do but rather if he felt like he needed to write a letter he should give one to his wife. So here's what I get:
He's truly sorry for hurting me and Oson but know that Yson will always love him. Oson has seen us fight all his life but was not prepared for this. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions about him and I.
"You have hurt me but not as badly as I have hurt you and for hurting you I am sorry". He has no regret about OW and their relationship. He feels they are soulmates but now he has alienated his soulmate by hurting and lying to her. She was his strength for a long time, the strength that I never gave.
He goes on about me finding a soul mate with my ex-boss. He thinks we had an affair, not a PA, but now after reading SAA and other books, probably was an EA without me ever knowing it.
He goes on about my near one night stand and how that was like the night he and OW kissed only he took that kiss much further. The chemistry he developed over 7 years with her brought about that kiss and he acted on his feelings because there was nothing at home that ever felt like that and he pursued the hope of something better.
He says he felt guilty the next day and couldn't look at me when he got home. Over the next several months the guilt went away and that was when he started to feel a deep love for OW.
He's sorry for his actions that have hurt me but does not feel a connection to me any more. I will always be the mother of his children and he will always be there for the children if they will let him.
When he goes to MC in a couple of days he's going to ask him to refer him to another counselor. He feels that the MC doesn't want to help him but is on my side because I hired him. He admits to not listening to some of his advice n the past and now his actions have created a downward spiral in his life.
He says he will find the strength to recover but will not look to me for support, he cannot. "You are never going to trust me again and I cannot live like that anymore. You say you can love me more than you have in the past but everytime I got out of town or come home late you will wonder if I am doing it again."
He goes on about how I will be a good mother but please don't alienate the children from him.
He says he knows this doesn't seem like an apology letter but more of a letter to get his feelings out and maybe that is just as good for me right now. He will keep me in his prayers and pray for my eventual happiness and recovery. Without him in my life to ruin it anymore than he has already.
When he got home we did talk a little. I had a card and basically inside I told him thank you for the letter, I could trust him again but it would be something we would have to work at together, he hasn't ruined my life, that my life is better because he's in it and that together I believe we can make our family whole again. I asked him to consider a Retrovaille weekend (we did ME about 10 years ago).
He said he would consider it. I need some advice on this letter. I really want to read into it, but know I shouldn't. I see alot of contradictory statements and would like some more experienced advice.
Thanks!
Hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
