I feel like I am dying today. I couldn't even go to work. The girls are still asleep and I feel like I am just falling apart. Divorce is so close to being totally over and I had wished all this time that he would see the light and want to try. I am completely heartbroken. I feel like just rolling in a ball and giving up on everything. I look at those girls and know that I can't give up, but I don't know why I keep trying. Everything seems to go his way. From money..to cars..to custody battles..I'm fighting but no one is hearing me. No one will listen...I'm so sick and tired of hearing "this will make you stronger" or "you'll be fine" or "you'll find someone else who will treat you right". I don't want someone else, I want my Kenny back. And I don't think I will ever be fine. My attorney says...Let's just get this thing over with...it will be best for you. Doesn't he understand that it won't be best for me....I love him....I miss him. I want my "perfect" life back. I am so miserable and so lonely and so deep down sad. Why can't he see what he is doing to me...to our family? He tells the girls how happy he is. He goes out every night, drinking and searching for that "new" person in his life. I am here....I want to scream that at him.....I was the one that loved you unconditionaly....I was the one that you loved, that he held each night, that you said you would fight for....How could he be so cruel and hateful? What did I do to him? I was faithful, just cooked, cleaned and was raising his children. I talked with him....touched him....said nice things......was there for him through his tough times....now he just walks out and he is happy. How can this be happening to me? I wished I could just run away.......<BR>Nancy

Mental, <P>I'm so sorry I can't offer any suggestions to ease your pain. <P>Hang in there, especially for the kids. The fat lady has not song yet. Maybe by some stroke of luck your H will see the light.<P>One thing I must say - you can't force him to love you. Keep that in mind.<P>I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck!

Oh, Mental, I am sorry.<P>I know how much this hurts. Just try to get through the day for those girls, ok?<P>Hugs and prayers for you.<P>lori

hello meantal, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. It is hard to hear people say positive things to you when you are so depressed. I can only say that time does heal and will be your friend thru all this trauma. <BR>It is okay to be sad and depressed. It is okay to stay in bed and cry. It is healing to be alone and feel the emotions you have stored inside. Feeling the emotions help us get past the pain. Look at it, feel it, give it some deep thought, and let it go. Once you have processed the pain, there is no reason to keep it any longer, and you can turn it away from you. <BR>You can do this mental. Give yourself some time and some space, use it to learn about your emotions. (((hugs)))

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nancy</B>}}}}}}}}}}... oh...<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nancy</B>}}}}}}}}}}... oh...<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nancy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I feel so bad for you today... more so than when I welcomed you here on the 24th of last month...<P>I wish I can give you back everything you've had... and everything you want...<P>It is not right to have to settle for less...<BR>Maybe time to increase dosage of Serzone... just temporarily?...<P>How far is your divorce on the way?...<BR>IF it still has a way to go... I'd recommend getting a new one... e-mail if you are interested in a new lawyer... reach me at imherczeg@yahoo.com .<P>I'm praying very hard for you today...<P>Reply on the faces of your daughters... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 21, 1999).]

My pre-trial hearing is one week away. And the D should be final in January. Yuk. I hate the word final. I wished I could take a pill and not have feelings for him anymore. I miss him so much and I wished I could just run away so I don't have to sign the papers. I don't want a divorce. How do you divorce someone you still love and someone that gave you so many wonderful years? Just knowing that I will never hold him or see him smile at me is sometimes overwhelming.<BR>Nancy

Nancy, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but having felt those same feelings before, I know there is not. I only know I would never have gotten through this without the grace of God and the wonderful people praying for us in the Bible Study forum. God is moving mightily in our marriage now and I am so greatful. My friend went through a similar situation to your and they divorced but I am happy to say they are now remarried. He realized the grass wasn't so green on the other side - wasn't as happy as he thought he would be - so there is hope. I realize you must be strong for your children because that is all that got me through many days. But when I finally found the stregnth within me from God to go on with or without my H, things began to change. We are now on the road to recovery. It is certainly a bumpy road, but we are still on there. I wish you the best. Blessings, J

I read someone elses post on a different topic. I think it was by Jamie-Lee. I liked it. It is just a piece of paper (the divorce). It doesn't mean that you can't keep trying. In my mind it was so final, but not always I guess. Thanks Jamie-Lee