Well I guess this is a start, I bought Dr. Harley's His Needs, Her needs and my WS has taken it with him last night and tonight. He came home to see the baby, eat and take a shower and then left. I tried not to get upset, I just said o.k. he says he needs time to himself. I am not good on the patience part. I know we had problems in the marriage, then he went out and had an EA and even went to house yesterday to see if there were any places near her to rent.

But why are WS so confused, you would think they would come crawling back on their hands and knees begging forgiveness, but not mine. He focuses on all the negative, how unhappy he has been for the majority of 7 yrs, etc how he is afraid this won't work or it will work for a little while and then be back to the same old same old. I told him I can't guarantee anything, he could get in his car tomorrow and die in a crash. There is no guarantee but I told him if he is not 100% committed then we are guaranteed to fail.

Does anyone know where the 180 ways to avoid divorce link is? I think it would help and give me something to focus on, an action plan I guess.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sweet1213:
<strong> Does anyone know where the 180 ways to avoid divorce link is? I think it would help and give me something to focus on, an action plan I guess. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">http://www.divorcebusting.com/ . Word of warning ... it might not work for anyone, specially when WS i unhappy for that long 7 years (if it is real). You better off following Plan A/B. Have you read SAA ?

-rh-

Is this what you're looking for?

Michele Weiner Davis's (Divorce Busting) 180 degree list:
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg. plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in the marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I love you"
12 Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Dont sit around waiting on your spouse, get busy, do things, go to church, ro out with friends, etc.
15. When home with you spouse (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking you spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had a awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold- just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and , and more important, realize what she will be missing.
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she will want to be around with.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold.
21. Dont be over enthusiastic.
22. Never loose you cool.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes her feelings stronger)
24. Be patient.
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself ( exercise, sleep, laugh and focus on all the other parts of your life that is not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softley.
29. Know that if you can do a 180, you smallest consistent actions will be noticed much more that anywords you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do NOT BELEIVE ANY OF WHAT YOU HEAR AND LESS THAN 50 PERCENT OF WHAT YOU SEE, YOUR SPOUSE WILL SPEAK IN ABSOLUTE NEGATIVES BECAUSE SHE IS HURTING AND SCARED.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

Hope this helps.

"He focuses on all the negative, how unhappy he has been"

This is a common statement that many WS try to pass off. I think it is there way of trying to justify what they are doing. Funny thing is that my husband doesn't remember hardly anything of what he said or did when he was in the fog. I kept a journal (which I highly recommend) and have shared portions of it with my WH since he has move back home. He is shocked and very remorseful of things he said and did.

My husband and I have gone full circle and have been back together working hard on our marriage for almost 2 years now.

Please know that it can be awesome once again! Trust in God and read everything you can get your hands on.

Many Prayers,

Le

I think you need to read up on Plan A/Plan B. You have to be 100% dedicated to the plans for them to work -- no wishy/washy -- be strong!