Is it normal for sex to become more frequent with a spouse during an affair, or does sex with the spouse usually stop all together.

Less frequent or no sex is more common than more frequent, but either is possible.

My desire for sex with my W went up dramatically during my affair.

The OW told me she was having much more sex with her H also.

We were happy for each other - how warped is that?

Don't ask me to explain it. My theory about it would not go over well in these forums.

Low

My WW sex drive greatly increased. I just wondered if it was her way of saying, (She isn't having sex with anyone else) or if she was feeling guilty.

During my XWS affair we hardly had sex, if any at all.

When we did, he was having problems to "reach the peak".

His excuse at that time was: Well I think "my friend" is outta practice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

But I have heard from other situations that the sex increased drastically.

A fellow I know that was left by his wife having an affair told me that she was "practicing" new sexual things with him while she was having an affair.
It was as if she wanted to "make sure" that she would be presenting herself as very "experienced" to OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So I guess it depends.


Low: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Don't ask me to explain it. My theory about it would not go over well in these forums.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well now you have gotten me curious. Please........... We are used to alot in this forum, believe me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
bb

For my WW and I, sex went and has stayed at zero. While we weren't prolific before A (maybe once a week), there has been nothing since DDay and the months of EA/PA before that were down to once per month. She did however buy a vibrator "to explore her sexuality" and started doing other stuff unusual for her: change of dress, thong underwear, haircut, etc. She's slightly prudish so all this was a big change but now obviously not for me. EA still ongoing. Plan A floundering among 2 other family crises.

No. In our case, SF didn't increase after the A started, but it increased dramatically after I found out about it. My theory for why SF might increase during A is that WS feels better about himself/herself in general or wants to throw BS off the track.

Ok, bb, but remember you asked for it!

During the affair, both the OW and myself were feeling wonderful about ourselves - we were awash in having our needs met by our spouses AND each other. We were both having the classic split-self affair. We liked who we were when we were together and wanted it to continue 'on the side' indefinitely. We'd both gotten to the point in our marriages where we'd decided that there were things our spouses were just incapable of giving us - but that wasn't their fault and we still loved them. We NEVER entertained thoughts of running away together.

That "high" bled into every part of our lives. We both started enjoying our jobs and found our family lives to be less draining. We were recharging each other's emotional batteries.

In fact, we rationalized to ourselves that this "halo" effect was a very positive byproduct of our relationship and just more proof that we were good for each other.

My wife has admitted to me that she liked the man she saw during that time. I was upbeat, attentive, and sexy. After the fact, she absolutely hates the reason for it.

I hope you're not too disgusted. It's the truth.

Low

LO don't worry about any negative impact your insights might have. The vast majority of us BS's know that you are not glorifying your affair by sharing with us what your thoughts and feelings were at the time of your affair. Thanks for sharing.