Well, my husband and I had a talk last night about our future. He has decided he wants to go back to college. But, we will have to give up a lot to do it. Which, I am ok with. We just have a lot of work to do to get there. Our goal is to have him start by this summer. In the mean time, we have to sell our car and our house. Our house needs a lot of work. We want to sell the car as we can't afford the $315.00 a month payments. We would buy back our old car from my brother-in-law. Then, we will move back a little closer to family. Not quite as close as I wanted to move to them. Then, I will have to find a full-time job with benefits so that we can have good insurance. Then, my husband will work part-time while he goes to school. He said if I was willing to do all this, he would make a committment to me. Well, I am willing to do all this. It is just that I felt like he was giving me an ultimatum. I am not supposed to do that to him but he just did it to me. I in turn told him that he needed to read the book "Surviving an Affair". I also told him that he needs to truly end the affair. He still says he has but I am not so sure. He also told me he is going to have to work a lot as we have a lot of bills to catch up on and pay off. That means he will be working with the other woman quite a bit then. Of course when we move in the summer, he will finally be away from her. He feels he had the affair because he felt like he was going nowhere in life. I do believe that he felt that way. He said he needs to feel like he has some direction in his life. He needs to feel like he is doing something productive. Well, I believe that too. I think that he thinks he has pinpointed the reason he had the affair. I still wish he would get counseling. I told him that if he did cheat on me again that I would leave. It is so screwed up! I have other posts that explain my situation. I don't want to try and explain it all again! It is such a mess! I am willing to work on my marriage and make our lives better. I just want my husband to be willing also! I need his support just as much as he needs mine! BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!! Woozy

Be careful girl. I don't like the smell of this.

I agree with Nonplused. Something smells fishy here, but I can't put my finger on it. Reminds me of the days leading up to discovery of W's affair. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what.<P>I'd be REAL careful.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

I agree here...something just dosen't sound right. I think him asking you to do thid and then he will commit dont sound right. too conditional.<P>I would go real slow and listen to your gut- just when you think things are ok you find out there not.<P>keep in touch

Excuse me Woozy;<P>Am I understanding this right? He had an affair and in order for him to stay with his marriage to you he wants YOU to work full time, support him going to school to make something of his life, so He can feel good about himself again. And what do you get?<BR>I agree with Nonplused and Lonestar, something doesn't sound right. BE CAREFUL.

Keep your eyes & mind wide open on this.....if something doesn't seem or feel right to you...then it probably isn't right. Trust your intuition. Don't make any hasty decisions and don't accept any ultimatums....

I agree with the others. Proceed with extreme caution. Make sure that <B>you</B> will not be in the position of being left with the financial bag. Protect yourself, financially.

Thanks for all the replies. I am still so lost right now. I just can't believe my husband hurt me like this. We have been married 11 years and it has been a good marriage for the most part. Until the last few months. At this point I don't feel like I can trust him at all. I just found out about the affair two and a half weeks ago. I guess what I am afraid of is that he says he wants to go back to school and all this. He does have a program he is looking into. It is for web design. It would be a two year course. I have looked at the web site that has all the information about it. It is a good school. My brother-in-law went there. When my husband finishes, he could make up to $60,000 a year. That is also according to the website. I know of course that depends on where he goes to work. I guess I just haven't been feeling right about it. Yes, I want him to do something to make himself happy BUT, I don't want to get left out in the cold. I guess I didn't expect to get the kind of responses I did either. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law would like my husband to come work where they are working. It would be working with computers and there is a lot of potential there. They would even pay for some schooling I believe. Not only that, they said they would put us up until we could find a place to live. This to me sounds like the better alternative. BUT, my husband wants to go to school. I am not sure we will solve anything by doing it this way. I am just afraid it may make it worse in the long run. What I am really afraid of is that we may get the house and the car sold and he may just up and decide to leave me then. I don't know what he is thinking anymore. He has never been a mean person in the past. This is so out of character for him. He has always been a caring person. I just don't get it anymore!! I guess the main reason I am willing to move is so that he won't have to work with the other woman. But, as I said before, if he doesn't work with me on solving this problem, it won't help. It will just happen again. He used to be such a positive, out-going person. Now he is down a lot and negative about his future. Of course, now that he is looking into this school thing, he seems to be much more positive. I think he has gone psycho on me or something. Well, my boys will be home from school soon. Woozy