Hello again, and thanks for the responses.

I hate to bring this up again, but does anyone out there with experience/knowledge of STD's have any idea if what I've had is common of an STD? Something showed up on my genitals about a year ago, and disappeared after a couple of weeks. I guess I was too scared at the time to get tested, but now, given what's happened, I think I need to know.

Thanks again to everyone.
hurt

If you had something appear and then disappear, go get tested. I went to nursing school, as well as know people that have had this occur, herpes, will come and go. Mainly in phases, but not predicatable. I had a coworker a while back that said, hers would surace when stressed....... better to check than be sorry. And not always, but most of the time std's if not noted, and precautions taken can harma developing child and or be passed...... go and both of you check. my prayers are with you that it was nothing. On that note, not to sem ude or discouraging, but you might consider paternity test, to put your ?'s to rest. While they weren't together at the time, are yousure. my husband lastweek told me in july he had an affair, they were together 1 time. wed, I found out it has been on going for over a year, and to max. the hurt, she is 4 months preg. Should kow by next month If its his or not, prenatal testing, great invention.

Hey christina -
I know what you're saying, that you just never know if a child is yours or not. But I'm quite confident (like 99.99% sure) that he's mine. The A ended in January of 2001, and we didn't get pregnant until the fall of 2002, and given that the OM lives like 5 states away, I'm sure it hasn't happened with him (and I seriously doubt it happened with anyone else). She has been good in assuring me and showing me through her actions that it hasn't happened again other than this one OM - so I'm confident the baby is mine.

I understand your pain - I'll be praying for you. I know you're going through a similar situaiton to me, although it sounds like yours just happened, whereas mine happened like two years ago. I feel for you.

Thanks again -
hurt

You can be sure about nothing until you get tested for Stds and get a DNA paternity test. Your wife has proven that she can be a very good liar and adultress. Even if the OM lives a few hundred miles away he could have visited your town and met your wife long after you thought the affair was over. If you don't care don't do it but if you do then it is worth a few hundred dollars for the test to make sure that you are not being treated like a fool.

Hello again -
It's now been over 2 weeks since I was hit with this new bomb, and it's been going OK. But I have a problem, related totally to the "new information." How do I deal with the pictures? And specifically, without getting too graphic, how do I deal with the pictures of OM and my wife, while having SF with my wife? I know, probably TMI and very gross, but the one time my wife and I had SF since she told me the news, "performance" was a major problem for me because I couldn't get pictures of the OM out of my head. Talk about ruining the moment. I'm trying not to get too graphic, but no matter what we "tried," I couldn't get the pictures of her and him out of my head.

Help ... please ...
hurt

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurtonceneveragain:
<strong>I know, probably TMI and very gross, but the one time my wife and I had SF since she told me the news, "performance" was a major problem for me because I couldn't get pictures of the OM out of my head.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, I think everyone has to go through the same thing so it's not TMI or too gross.

It'll start to pass eventually. It's only been two weeks so don't expect it to happen right away. At least you have the edge that those events are not still happening and they are "in the past" for your W. She may not think about them anymore - so while that doesn't make it easier you should at least be aware of that. I wouldn't try to be intimate if you're feeling down or worried to begin with.

I'm just guessing that maybe you're troubled by things about yourself that you can't change - you might think that those are what make a man a good lover - like looks, height, and other "stuff". Comparing yourself to OM won't help.

The things about you that make you a "good lover" are things you actually have control over.

cpx

I agree with cpx and want to remind you that the more you force yourself to have an erection the less the chances are that you'll have one. But do be honest with your W and let her know that the mental images you are having of her and the OM are spoiling SF for you, otherwise she might jump to the conclusion that you no longer find her desirable. Keep in mind that many FWW become sexually intimate with their OM not because they are dying to have sex with them but to reciprocate with them for the attention they are getting from them and FEAR that they will dump them if they don't. Don't beleive me? then check this from Sarie and Lisa103(new MB members and a FWW's):

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sarie:

"The fellow I had been seeing was not married and was kinda like yours in that he he was satisfied with lots of daily phone conversations as I decided not to meet with him for sex.
(He was always asking me to meet with him and I was always saying No.)

But he met an old classmate in Augutst and they ended up falling in love and are now living together.

Now, I wish I had met with him more often, I am sure he felt very rejected. I would have had sex with him everyday, if I had known he would no longer be a part of my life."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lisa103:

"Sally

I certainly do not have any answers. But I must say that last Wednesday when I actually contemplated suicide on my way home from work shook me like nothing else had. If my daughter had not have called my cell phone when she did I think I may have actually have done it. That is the epitome of selfisness!!! How did we ever allow something to so totally consume us that we don't care what it costs to have it!! How did we ever get to this point. I'm working on that answer. My OM caused me nothing but heartache and I have caused my husband even greater heartache. Sally, try to look at your situation from your husband's viewpoint. If your husband is like mine, they don't deserve this betrayal. And at what costs are we so determined to have our needs met! What concerns me about my A is that this man didn't love me or even profess to love me. I literally whored myself out to him every time I was with him. As my counselor said, I betrayed myself every single time, not to mention my husband. I'm praying for you Sally and know that you have a friend here that totally understands what you're going through."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For these women, sex with the OM was NOT the driving force of their affair and for the vast majority of FWW's it seldom is.

Hurt,
Your signature line says that FWW continues to LB. What is she doing and how do you feel about it? Keep in mind that many WS will actually push their BS away because of the guilt that they have.
cwmac