I cheated on my wife of only 6 months and she now wants to divorce me she doesn't want to try to work it out. What can I do?

Sorry, I am feeling too sad today to give you any words of encouragement. I hope you can prove to her that you are vey sorry and that the two of you can make it work. Good luck to you and to her.<BR>Nancy

I'm afraid that when you did what you did, you put your marriage in the hands of both God and your wife. Trust that it IS in good hands and pray. Other than that the only thing you can do is be loving and kind and hope for the best.<P>------------------<BR>Hanging on by a Thread

Reading your profile, I see this affair was more the last straw rather than the whole problem, right?<P>To be honest, you made some really bad choices and now you are paying the consequences.<P>Words are cheap now, but what can you show your wife to show her you understand your mistakes, you are taking ownership of them and are taking steps to resolve them?<P>Have you learned any great life lessons that will change how you will live your life?<P>Best of luck!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Welcome <B>AdamC</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! As someone who has wants their marriage to work you need to start off in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> right away...<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here! Not even for betrayers(waywards) like yourself...<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on... This applies to you as well as your wife!<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We can give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>You're, relatively speaking, newly married... most(but not all) people here have been married much longer. I admire your desire to keep your young marriage going... It isn't going to be easy... I strongly suggest getting the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A>... perhaps... a copy to your wife(W)... as a pre-Christmas or Christmas gift... After reading it yourself... see if it applies to you!<P>Trust isn't something you can win back in a day or a week or a month... You need to work on first accepting he fault of what you did... and gain her accpetance of a chance to rebuild... It will take he some time to to this... Check out everything here during that time! <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

wlecom adam- a lot of help here. read, post, ask questions- and visit often.<BR>yeah, it sounds like there are other problems present here- perhaps try <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> for help with those issues.<BR>

Hi Adam. Welcome to MB. Just you being here, shows that you sincerely want to work on your marriage. You will receive a lot of good advice here.<P>Just one question...I was reading your Profile. I don't understand why the OW was calling your wife's uncle's house to talk to your wife. How long did your affair last? Are you so sure that the OW didn't know about your wife? It doesn't make sense to me. It sounds like this OW is manipulative. I hope you can see that and the ugliness of it. I hope you won't go into withdrawal for this OW.<P>Your W is hurting and is devastated. You will have to compensate for the pain that you caused. Do you have the book, "Surviving the Affair?" If you read that, it will be a great help to you & your wife. It will help you understand what both of you are going through and how to rectify it.<P>Maybe you can get your W to this site also. Then she will see that there is still hope at your marriage working out. Keep posting and getting advice from here. There are a lot of good people here who will help you. Best of luck.<P>

I can totally relate with what you are going through. I've been there. As a matter of fact i'm still there. I cheated on my H , and after two years it's still not where I want it to be. All I can say is, if you want it to work, hang in there for as long as you can. There are so many reasons why people cheat, but no excuse for it at all. I finally was able to forgive myself about three months ago. God is a forgiving God. Allow him to be there for you right now, because your wife needs time. It's not going to be easy if she leaves, nor if you try to work it out, but you have to allow her to vent and stick with it if you want it to work!