I got a message today from someone that works at the same company as my H. She told me that some people in my husband's department told her that he had an affair with one of his female employees. She gave me this woman's name and said she is the plant whore. I asked my H about her before because when he told me that he had an A, she was the first person I thought of. He denied any involvement. Who should I believe? He has already admitted to two PA and one EA and gave me their names but he denies there are others. What should I do?

Since he has already had several affairs, it has to be tough to believe him. Did he 'confess' the other affairs himself, or were they discovered with overwhelming evidence before he would admitted? Past behavior is the best prdictor of future behavior.

There's also the possibility that whoever left you the message is lying, to intentionally inflict harm on you, your husband, your marriage, etc. Could this person have a grudge against him, and be capable of such an atrocious thing? I would never have thought that someone would do this, but it actually happened to me.

A few years ago, someone left a message on our answering machine, claiming she was my girlfriend. Honest to God, I have never cheated, and never would. Well, my wife heard the message, and things have never been the same since. After the initial shock wore off, she believed me, but it left unresolved problems, and caused tons of trouble in our marriage, which affects it to this day.

I never thought there were such evil people in the world, who would stoop so low, and do sooooo much damage, but there are.


Good luck and God bless you,
- Steve

<small>[ December 04, 2003, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: Hwkeye ]</small>

My H admitted one PA affair on 9/17/2003 but swore there were no others. He later admitted another PA affair less than 4 weeks later, after I discovered the last OW had a STD which he knew about. I had asked whether he used protective when he admitted the A on 9/17 and he had not but he promised I had nothing to worry about. I got tested anyway. I found out about the EA from reviewing his cell phone records. He didn't consider that an A because it had not been sexual but he was sneaking away with his cell phone to call her house. He didn't think he had to tell me about that one. He still swears there were no others.

If I were in your shoes, it would be hard for me to believe my Spouse considering the circumstances and how recently things occurred.

I wouldn't blow off this message from the co-worker as nothing. The co-worker may be genuinely concerned for you and what's happening behind your back. I know I was when I informed OM's W about the affair he was having with my WW.

One way to measure the depth of involvement is how defensive your H gets about this particular woman. Would he care if you reviewed his cell phone records, email, etc? If you were to show up at his work, would this woman act differently towards you considering you shouldn't even know her?

What was the motivation behind the person who called you? Is it possible if it was a she that "she" was one of the OW and is now angry at your WH?