I have finally caught my h with the ow.

Funny, I don't even feel hurt over this anymore.
The lies and deceipt that h kept pulling on me hurt more than this.

The rotten thing is I am enjoying this. I was right and there is no way he can continue lying about everything.

but i must remember that something i did caused him to seek her out.

oh well, i will enjoy the pleasure of being right for now, there have been too many days of pain and heartache and i can finally enjoy something even if it is only for the few hours until h gets home.

I am sorry that you confirmed your suspicions. It is not wasy, but your right in feeling better that you know the truth.

Have you confronted him yet? Remember to stay away from LBing and Plan A!!

Good luck and stay here for support!

Many Prayers,

Le

Hi uofmfan,

Did you just find your husband with OW today or yesterday? I don't think it is rotten to finally get *validation over what you were feeling. In a weird wacky way it is helpful not to be in the dark anymore. You feel like you have your sanity back instead of wondering,"Is he with the OW,am I imagining things, does he really want a divorce..." Yada yada yada.Now you know.

And I'm sorry(I hope I don't get bashed for this statement) at SOME point in our relationships,after trying to meet their needs and jumping through hoops and Plans xyz,that if he/she continues the behavior that causes pain,manipulation,deceit,betrayal,distrust and stay seated on the preverbial fence and play mind games or remain standing on the bridge that is in the fog instead of walking off of it(inaction),then unplug,disconnect and hang up on that hurtful person and move on with life.IMO.

We can only change ourselves.Be leaders,not followers.

Hmmm,whats for dinner tonight??? Ought to be gooood! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

October

o & o
no confrontation yet. tried to call when i was still in the area but no reception. (hmmm, i've called h a few weeks back and had the same problem!) so i did leave a vm at his work. he finally called back 1/2 hour ago, but didn't seem to understand what was going on. told him we needed to talk about where he was today and he said not now, we'll discuss it when i get home. i don't want to lb, but do i ask him to make a choice? (her or me)

october
i'm sure h was there last night while i was out visiting my d since he was gone when i got home early. i didn't go check then, tho, since it was risking my survellience of him. he has been leaving for work an hour early almost every day for weeks now. i have been trying to catch him but usually sleep through since i am not very coherent at 3a. i haven't wanted to set another alarm since h may catch on. i finally woke myself up this morning. so drove to an address that i had from his phone bill, one he denied two months ago and threw me off the trail by the two of them using a cell phone. (doesn't show up on the bill)

yes, the time may come to jump ship but now that i have my sanity back, i can remain in plan A for a longer period of time. Plan B will be much easier also, now that i have proof.

The boys and i are making homemade pizza tonight. Would it be wrong to consider putting snake, eel, and spineless fish on it? (in honor of h!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

UofM,

I don't think making him choose would be a good idea.

The counselor that I was seeing when I found out, told me to tell him . . .

"I am sad and hurt to find out this is happening. I would like to go to counseling to work on our marriage. However, if you continue to see the OW, I will have to ask you to have respect for me and move out of the house."

This does not meen that you have to Plan B. You can still Plan A, it just isn't going to allow him to be a "cake eater".

Please stick with us here and let us help you through this! It really sucks and I am sorry!

Many Prayers,

Le

thx for the post o&o
that is just my taker talking on the choosing. i can probably figure out the answer right now anyways since h sees her almost every day now. plan A it is and i am off to see some family members tonight. It hurts me more to do this as I have had a very good relationship w/his family and i'm sure they will blame more on me than necessary. but everyone needs to know. it will make it much harder for the a to continue. (h's brother lives a few blocks from ow) we have been through one A many years ago, but hid it from everyone. I'm sure my h will be pissed at me for telling but my first concern right now is to make it known to others.

All the comments you said in your post I have pretty much said other than having the validation of the ow. (i used the fact that he was gone all the time instead saying he was w/ow) he knows that i want us to go through counseling.

H called me about an hour ago and said he is working late (lame excuse but its ok now!) So, I figure we may not even talk about this tonight. i have to take my oldest to an activity about the same time h will get home. typically he will be asleep by the time i get back so I will wait and let our family and friends do the lb'ing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

uofmfan,

Sorry you got the confirmation, but it sure feels good knowing that you are not imagining everything, doesn't it? I hope you have a chance to talk as soon as possible. Do you think this might change his talk of divorce? Sometimes uncovering the affair and bringing it to the cold light of day makes everything look very different.

ok. confrontation has occurred!
i still kind of feel this is an lb since i am disagreeing w/h over who he can see.

I tried to talk to his brother and sil last night but they were out. brother called here wondering what was up. so last night h was getting quite nervous over the situation. keeps asking me over and over why did i stop to see them. i just say that i wanted to visit. (it is rare, he never makes a point to see family, so i haven't tried to upset him by going over there either) this is really bothering him that i stopped by to visit them. is it the guilt?

i couldn't bring myself to sleep w/him last night, slept in the chair and i knew he would wake me up when he was ready to leave this morning. (2 mornings of 3am are getting to me already. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) I took a minute to wake myself up and told h that i knew where he was heading to this morning. of course he wanted to try and twist me up but i was able to verify so he got a little testy! blame, blame, blame to me. says he never lied until recently. only lied because of me. can't deal w/our situation anymore. most of it sounded like all fog talk. he is still adament on getting a div. Actually, he even said that since our state has the 'no-fault' clause, what he does doesn't matter. instead of saying that it matters to me (and risk being disrespectful), i told h that it is a test to my faith.

He is trying to tell me that this is just a friendship. I didn't tell him anything about what i saw (which wasn't much!) but I will let him stew about that. H said that I have my counselors to talk to, he values his friends opinions more. (he keeps going on and on about how counselors will twist everything up and play mind games - wait, that seems to be what my h keeps doing to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Then, he started in on me about my friends. How i went to a guy friend's house way back when and he found out about it from my daughter. that's impossible. i value my marriage and will not visit any of my guy friends' houses. (I only have two male friends, one m, one div 2 yrs ago and I really avoid seeing him even in public so that my h will not get the wrong idea.)Then he tried to say he had kept track of days and dates of when i have lied to him. (which i can see is another lie, years ago he kept telling me the same thing about his ex, said if he ever used all the info he has on her, he would get custody of the kids. She still has them and its been 10 yrs) H is still upset over the fact that i was checking up on him, so i said that i would expect the same from him if the conditions were reversed. boy, could i see the heat rising off of him this morning. (and i hadn't put my glasses on yet!!)

I told my h that i would start sleeping upstairs and then i went back to bed. he storms around the house and says 'so i guess that's all we are going to talk about?' i got back up and said i was sorry, 'did you have something else to say' he just said 'forget it' and stormed out.

well, i am still feeling better about this being out in the open. I don't know if i can fill any of his en's right now, but i will do my best to just work on the lb's.

<small>[ November 14, 2003, 04:06 AM: Message edited by: uofmfan ]</small>

I am sorry for the pain that you are going thru. I pray that you can stay strong and that God brings you peace.

I really admire how calm you are. I have always told myself that if my FWH had a second A that I would kick him out on the street and procede with a very ugly D. But then if it were to realy happen, who knows. I pray that I never have to find out.

As far as telling his family about the A, I also get along great with my FWH family and took great pleasure in telling them. Most of all because I needed their support. I also wanted them to know that it was him screwing the marraige all up, not me. I was not afraid to tell anyone. It was amazing how much support I got from his closest friends and family. I often wondered if I would regret telling everyone, but even now I am glad I did. It has actually opened the eyes of many marriages to know that an A is possible in every marriage. (Everyone always thought we had the perfect marriage.) I have seen communication open up in the marriages of friends and family members. If our year of misery can help other marriages, I am glad.

Hang in there and keep us updated!'

Le

!!!

<small>[ November 14, 2003, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: uofmfan ]</small>

I am still feeling pretty good today. i'm waiting for the pain of all this to come back, but hoping some of the worst is over. It hurt so much to suspect that my h was running around while he should have been taking caring of my oldest s when his father passed away. That thought still gets me, that s has lost a father and a stepfather at the same time, but it doesn't hurt quite as bad as it had.

The patience i have now is all due to my youngest s. This may seem odd, but his disability has proven to be a blessing in a lot of ways. i always have the worry that my older children will be jealous of the time and attention that he gets. but they tell me not to worry about that, he needs all the attention we can all give him. i think most of his progress in the past couple of years has been due to my patience in his learning and the love and attention he gets from us. he really is a joy to most of us and i truly wish my h could see the wonders of this child. i will only state this here (would never say it to h) but h's neglect in building a bond w/s is hurting himself in many ways.

I have realized that by telling my sil that i will be broadcasting to the entire town. she is the town's biggest gossip, but i think i am ready for that. even if our story gets a little mixed up, h still has to face up to it now that it is out in the open.

I am off to enjoy a beautiful day here in Michigan, (sun, 50°, and my forecast looks bright! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> )
take care, i will be back later.

Hi uofmfan,

More power to ya!! I hope you have the strength to believe that you can and will be ok,no matter what.

I too "broadcast" my husbands affair to all our family,not friends though and it was the best thing I could have done at the time. Not only were they all livid at what he had done(secretly gleeful about that now) but they rallied around me for support when I needed it most.It also made the affair impossible to continue and feel "good" about since he knew that everyone was taking care of me and would make it impossible for him to return home without getting things "Straightened out" with me. Confirmed what an *** he was and also the homewrecker,as I like to call that person(sorry no regrets) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I actually thought that Christmas was going to be a real bummer this year but hey, I have done so much growing inside in the last week that I actually went to look at Holiday crafts and enjoyed it! I didn't even think about WS at the time.

I hope you are enjoying the crisp Michigan air,good luck with tonight.

How was the pizza by the way? Did hubby enjoy his eel slices? Heehee

October <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />