I have a few questions and some of you seem to know a bit.
I posted a few days ago that my H got into a drunken stupor last Friday night and stayed out all night and wound up having a PA with this "woman" that he claims to not know.
We are trying to work things out. He hasn't had anything to drink since then. He seem sincere in wanting to quit drinking. I took the advice from some of you and asked him to go get tested for EVERYTHING. He said no problem. He initially agreed to counseling. I have found a couple that are in our area, are reasonable($$) and are recommended. How soon should we start counseling?

Also..... I know this sounds freakish but, I am having physical feelings for him. I want to be close to him, I want him to hold me. I don't know where this is coming from. I should be completely turned off by him and what he did to me. Don't get me wrong.... It pis%$# me off that he did what he did. Am I not dealing with this?

Being betrayed puts you on an emotional rollercoaster - so no, your feelings of wanting to be close to him are very common. There are lots of different motivations for that - "reclaiming the territory" is a common one, for example. An hour or a day or a week later you may feel quite different. Try to remain calm. (OK, I know that is pretty tough right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) Start counseling as soon as possible. If you haven't done so, read the links I gave you. My wife and I were about half way through the book "Surviving an Affair" together, and had taken the Personal History Questionnaire (PHQ) , and the Emotional Needs Questionnaire (ENQ) by the time we had our first meeting with an MC. He told us we were already heading in the right directions by the time we got there.

The journey you are on is truly a rollercoaster.
I can tell you that right after I found out about my H's affair - we had the most intense physical relationship - like never before. I was charged sexually and I couldn't get enough of him and vice versa - even though he was still very emotionally tied to the OW. I too just wanted to be close and I suppose it was a way to keep communication open with the one thing I knew he would respond to - I say this in hindsight of course cause at the time I just couldn't explain it.

Believe me - the emotions ran the gamut - over and over again..hence the old rollercoaster analogy...

Thank you for your "words of wisdom". I thought I was going crazy with these STRANGE feelings.
What is the general opinion of having a Pastor for a counselor, (not my own).

I think that, unfortunately, whether someone is a pastor or not is irrelevant. I say unfortunately, because I believe Harley's principles are consistent with what the Bible teaches about husbands and wives, but most counselors, whether they are Christians (including pastors) or not, do not follow those principles. IMO, about 80% of what Harley says is based on I Peter 3:7, and 100% is based on "love your neighbor as yourself" (Yes, I know that I Peter 3:7 is instructions to husbands, but Harley does write to a male audience, and in this case, I think what is good for the gander is good for the goose - in the NASB, I Peter 3:7 starts out with "In like manner", referring to the preceding instructions to wives.)

Anyway, I included the links on counseling in my first response to you (they are also in the link in my sig line), because I really think you need to ask the kind of questions they suggest, and not go to a counselor who doesn't give you the right answers. Better a competent pagen that will teach you how to follow God's commands, whether they acknowledge them as such or not, than a Christian who will teach you something else - or nothing.

<small>[ November 14, 2003, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>