I was surprised yesterday afternoon to find a card from H in my mailbox. In addition to the normal Christmasy stuff, inside it said, 'YOU'RE THOUGHT OF OFTEN DURING THIS TIME'.<P>He also wrote a note which said, "As always, my thoughts are of you and I miss you. Please forgive the pain I have caused. You are the innocent bystander caught unjustly in my life going to hell. You didn't deserve anything that has happened."<P>H doesn't sound too happy, does he? I just don't know what to think anymore. Other than, I wonder what OW's card looks like??

sid- where are their heads at ?

Cov,<P>I think we all know where their heads are! We're just patiently waiting for Medic to finish with his "tool". How much longer, Medic?

Sidney, just a quick question, do you think that now that he has a full time job and is working that his self esteem level is returning to a point where he thinks he may be worthy of you? Not that you didn't think he was worthy before but maybe he didn't think he was and that's why he went with OW? I don't know, just a thought.......God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Bren,<P>Yeah, I'm sure that's a big part of it. He felt soooo worthless due to the fact he was not working. Many times, he referred to himself as a "flea". For some reason which I will never understand as long as I live, he could not bring himself to go out and get a job while he was living at home. The only thing I can figure is that he felt he had to "compete" with me, & was not able to get a job close to what I am making. (a male ego thing) I told him time & again, that it took me 17 years to get to where I am at. I didn't start out making this kind of money. <P>Anyway, yes, the fact that he got a job right away, and has a prospect for another, even better one probably has boosted his self esteem. But, now he has dug his hole so deep. I just wonder if the fantasy is starting to tarnish. And he's beginning to think, "Oh my God, what have I done?"<P>Who knows? Anyway, I am in a Plan B, although I have not formalized it yet with the official letter. Will be doing that after the holidays.

I'm glad that your H gave you that card. Maybe he is beginning to wake up from his fantasy world and starting to see the reality and ugliness of it all. He is probably realizing that the grass isn't greener on the other side.<BR>

NT,<P>Yes, I am wondering if that lush, emerald grass he saw in the distance has turned to be brown crabgrass?<P>Although, I believe it won't matter which pasture he heads for, the grass is going to turn out to be the same. For, the problem is not with the grass, it's with HIM.<P>Until he resolves his personal problems, he will not be happy with ANYBODY.

Sidney, <BR>I believe my H is going through similar issues. When his affair started, he lost all pride in his work and let many people down. We own a businees together and he repeatly lied to our employees, spent elaborate time on line talking to OW, ran up several hundred dollars of bills on his cell phone. So much of this had NOTHING to do with his relationship with me, he was going through some kind of midlife crisis and was losing his self respect. As he got deeper into his own issues, she was there online and by phone to say whatever he needed to hear to boost himself.Of course she was not living with him, seeing the drinking, the laziness, the lack of concern for anyone other than himslef, etc. I admittedly did not do enough of that. But I was also busy keeping the business afloat, keeping the house and kids together, and trying to take care of myself as well. After living through this, I am not sure I could go back to that. I guess I need an adult relationship, not another child. <P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

Susan,<P>I know exactly what you mean. For the past five years, I have been struggling to keep us afloat. Putting in lots of overtime. And, he just kept sinking deeper into LaLa land. I knew it wasn't good for his self esteem, but the more I tried to get him to find a job, the more he dug in his heels. My needs were not being met, so I found it very difficult to build up his ego, so to speak. Then, along comes OW who tells him he's the best thing since sliced bread. She was unhappy in her marriage, & since he was unhappy with himself, it was very easy for him to blame his unhappiness on the marriage.<BR>I've gone over this a million times in my head, & I can see where I might have contributed to the 'environment' for infidelity, but I simply cannot see much that I could have done any differently. If anything, I should have been the one to have the affair!!!