OK so my husband admitted finally to having an EA on Thursday, I was so upset I changed the locks, he stayed to talk then got so mad at me told me I forced him back to her. So he went to leave and wanted to take the gun and I was against and he called the cops after we had a little altercation. He threw/push/tripped me and I wound up on the ground. He called to get me in trouble and they took him. He says he is disgusted by me and doesn't want to see my face. I bailed him out yesterday and he left last night. I have been feeling sick for about a week and then realized I was late. I took 2 pregnancy tests and both came back positive. I told him and he said I was lying and I would do anything to try and get him back. I am not THAT desperate. God doesn't give you want you can't handle right? I told him I would save him a sealed test and pee on it in front of him. Ha. What do I do? Should I go ahead and file for child support? He has left and doesn't look like he is coming home. Anyone know about this, any web sites I live in Florida. I always wanted another child, perhaps not in this situation but I feel like God has a hand in this. We had so much trouble getting pregnant the first time and she was born premature and this time all it took was one unprotected time on one "date" and bam. Wow... MY biggest fear is not that he will leave me so much but that I will have to bring this little angel into the world by myself, I won't have anyone to share the kicks and the hiccups. Please any advice would be great.

My D-day was in early August. I found out in October I am pregnant also. My wh suggested abortion initially. You can do this with or with out him. I am in Georgia and do not know about child support laws in Florida but if you need the money from him and don't think he will help willingly call legal aid or your lawyer and find out what you should do. If he is pushing/tripping you....do you really want him home?

Protest yourself and your children (unborn included)you can do this. I didn't think I could but I am now 4 months along and taking it day by day.

Hang in there. You are in my prayers!

BH

Wow, I am so glad there is someone else out there, my D-day was 10/22 and the only time it could have happened was 11/1/03 so I guess we have concieved post d-day...he said he is done, him going to jail was my fault and he can never forgive or look at my face. He think I am pyscho, how am I supposed to act? Normal? Honestly though I am done with this, I just want him back. I miss him and I am so sad right now, I don't want to raise this baby by myself, I don't want to go to the doctors by myself, I just don't want to be alone anymore. I am so tired and drained and just feel like I am going to lose it any moment...I have never felt like this before, I want love and I am losing everything. I guess I am a bit depressed right now. Help....

Sweet, have you talked to your parents yet? Now's not the time to try to shoulder all this pain yourself. You need to open up to them and to anyone else who you respect and trust. I know you must be terribly frightened and hurt by all this. Accept that you're not a superhero (this week, anyway; next week maybe you will be! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and call in reinforcements for you, for your husband, and for your marriage and family.

Don't go all nutty about how awful your husband is. Just ask for your loved ones' help and support for all of you. If you know any clergy, do the same. If you don't know any clergy, now's the time to meet some. Pick out your favorite religious institution and go walk into their doors. They will welcome you anytime, no matter where you've been and no matter how you got there.

And read read read everything in the concepts part of this web site. It'll help you understand a lot of what's going on.

Make sure, too, that you keep in close contact with your doctor. Make sure that he or she is aware of the stress you're under so that they can keep closer tabs on you than normal.

Sweet - Congratulations on your little one to be. Right now take care of you. Let your H stew in his own juice. He is talking fog talk and does not deserve you. Ignore him and start thinking about a happy FUTURE. Get to doctor and get checkups. This is an awful time to be pregnant, but sometimes God surprises us. Take care of yourself and remember that this too will pass. Someday you will look back and realize that through all the sadness, you were blessed with a wonderful gift.

Where should I go for plan b info, I just wrote him a long e-mail (he won't take my calls) saying how I can't give him time if he keeps coming by....I feel strong during the day but when night comes and the baby is asleep I feel like I am losing it...my doctor approved short term disability and work actually suggested it so I am going to take a week or two off to figure things out...does anyone have any ideas on how not to call him?

I really do do well during the day but this going to bed by myself is killing me...Maybe I need to have an affair, I know that would just cause more problems but what is the point anymore? I think he wants me to have an abortion but it is not the baby's fault we were not responsible! I can understand if you were raped but not in this situation, I feel it would just cause me more emotional stress in the long run and I would never forgive myself...I'm not thinking clearly...I found myself running red lights today and pulling out in front of people and I was almost t-boned tonight....Someone help me out of this emotional fog...

sweet - What you are going through is normal for someone who finds out they have been betrayed. I was so distracted that I went through a stop sign and got a ticket. Right now you have to slow down and take care of yourself. Most straying partners come back to wife. Your husband is mad right now because of his guilt. They usually try to blame everything on partner. Also he will say mean things, try not to take it personally, they all do and say crazy things. Read on this site about Plan A, it is too early for Plan B. You can find it by going to search and typing in Plan A and Plan B. Also some posters here have links to it in their posts. Sorry I don't know how to do the link thing. This will be a miserable time for you, especially being pregnant, but you will get through it. There are lots of people here that are doing fine and your marriage can be even better after this. Do get some help in establishing child support and support for yourself. Also it helps to exercise, eat right, go out with friends, and do activities, even if you don't feel like it. And try to calm down so you don't get into an accident. Remember that when involved in an affair, these people are almost like addicts, so expect crazy behavior. You probably will not even recognize your H. He will not act like himself. Please keep reading here and posting here. You will get lots of understanding, support, and help. HUGS to you and little one from California.

I, too, got a speeding ticket when all this exploded upon me too in the spring. I even saw the speed trap ahead and didn't slow down. All I wanted was 10 seconds of letting loose since I used to rally drive. I wanted to be able to have control over something for a few seconds. I paid for it.

I am really concerned about you. You cannot be distracted while you are driving. You might as well be under the influence. You have two little ones who depend on you and need you. What's going to happen to them if you get into an accident?

I know the nights are hard. So many times, my H has preferred to sleep in the couch upstairs to sleeping together with me in our bed. It really hurt me to know that he was directly above me by choice.

Maybe once your son goes to bed you can read some self-help books or do projects around the house. Or maybe that's the time you can vent here. You need to detach. Even if you have to tell yourself that he's away on a trip or something.

DETACH, DETACH, DETACH...It'll save your sanity. Besides the stress can't be doing the baby any good.

I believe God has given you the gift of life within you for a reason. He certainly does not make mistakes when it comes to children.

Having an A is definitely the last thing you want to get caught up in. As hard as it is and maybe as much as you long for someone's company it will only leave you feeling even more empty and unfulfilled then you may already feel. Plus it may give your H cause to think the child is not his.

The way the plans work is to do Plan A for as long as you possibly can and only as a last resort move to Plan B. The reason is you want to leave a good impression upon your WH before cutting off communication. If you leave a bad taste in his mouth, that is all he will remember about you during Plan B and will probably gladly not come back. You have to leave him with good thoughts of you, not bad ones.

There is always adoption, I know there are many many families who would gladly have a child that cannot normally. My WW and I weren't able to have children without invitro and had thought about adoption.

How can I do Plan A if my WS is not even staying at home? He won't tell me who he is staying with, just a friend's apartment, he won't answer my calls and he turns off his phone at night so he doesn't have to deal with me (his quote); I don't want him to come over tonight to see the baby, not because I don't want him to see the baby but because I can't bear for him to come home and then leave so easily like it doesn't bother him...I asked him last night when he was here if he missed home and he said yes, but it is the home and his daughter that he misses, he would stay home if I wasn't here ...Nice huh?

There just seems to be no hope, I just got off the phone with the OB and he said due to the medications I was on I will have to go for genetic testing for this baby...more to add to my stress...God doesn't make mistakes right? He won't give me more than I can handle but I feel like all I can handle is going off the deep end..So WS is on his way home...fun fun to be mean and cold as usual...I bet he is still seeing his stupid OW I don't know...I am just so hurt right now and so sick of crying...I look like crap, that will really turn on my WS...Sorry I just needed to vent and being pregnant is not helping this emotional roller coaster that I am on...

Sweet - Just hang in there. Most WS's come back. So you will have to have genetic tests, God has planned this child for a reason. Your H will be unreasonable, they are all in the fog. Ignore what he says. You are chosen to have this child, and you will get the strength you need. Hang in there and don't give up. Someday you will look back on all this, and it will be like a bad dream. Your marriage can be better than it ever was. Please take care of yourself, daughter and unborn child. You will get through this.