I just read and responded to Mia's post - written for all the world to see (well at least everyone here in this forum) I cannot believe the kindness you all are displaying to this OW, who stole my sense of self worth and destroyed my family in the process. Why are you all "praising" her for coming to her senses? <P>I have so many unresolved questions that my H refuses to answer - (protecting his precious Mia) A half hearted appology is what I read, and I will not accept it! Why would I want to let her off the hook so easily?

Dear Tired Lady,<P>I can imagine how betrayed you feel now! We are your friends, and we didn't know who's OW she was. <P>I know this is the hardest moment in your life. Confronted with your worst fears, anger, and hate. <P>I am sorry if I made you feel more betrayed than ever by encouraging her to be here, but I think some of the most beautiful days are when a sinner (yes adultery is still a sin in my book!) is sorry.<P>I know you have a lot to work through, and you will in your own time. We are still your friends, and understand. <P>

I am new to this forum and have just began posting today so I am not really familiar with your situation. I did however read Mia's post and your response and I understand your feelings having been betrayed myself, but I also understand Mia's since I have had a chance to speak with my H's "OW". (I wrote about it today) I think that if you have questions that your husband won't answer than maybe she will. It's worth a shot. My H's "OW" answered all of mine.<P>------------------<BR>

I know you are really upset by this, i don't know how you could not be, at this moment. But i think when you have had a minute to digest it, you will see that it is easy for us to cling to any hope that the OP who wrecked our marriages would show even a drop of remorse. <BR>Mia *appears* to have done so. <P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by love WAS blind (edited August 24, 1999).]

I think Mia was wrong to come here Tired Lady, I am with you. She has spied on your thoughts as you try to recover from what she and your H has done to you, and thinks saying shes sorry here, on this forum to you, will make it all better. I am sorry you are having to deal with this now. I wont applaud her for breaking it off now.<BR>Please remeber , YOU are better than HER. She has to live with what she has done to you.Unfortunately you have to live with what she has done to you. Again, I am sorry this has happened.

Tired Lady - I do know how you feel. I'm sitting here wondering where my H is since he moved out, knowing he could be w/ her, knowing that he took her to OUR spot on Sunday and nothing, no apology can lessen that pain, but....<P>What the op's do is wrong. No one can or does condone that. And I have enough resentment to handle 20 ow's. But, if it's true, I'm terribly glad that MC has come to her senses and realizes what part she has played in your pain and your life. And she's got a lot of courage to admit it here.<P>I hope that things work out for you, just as I hope they work out for me. And I know, just like you do, that nothing can ever erase what we're going through, it'll be w/ us forever. I want to encourage anyone who comes here with the thought of "doing the right thing", even though it's late. <P>I certainly didn't mean to add to your pain and I apologize if I did so. Our breaking points are too close to the surface these days and we've been through more than our share already.<P>Lori

Tired Lady,<BR>I can imagine by having "your OW" here that you feel betrayed all over again. I personally think it was VERY inappropriate for your H to discuss you with OW and especially for him to reveal where you were posting about their affair. <BR>Only the OW knows if her regret & apology is sincere. Perhaps AMHARRISON is right, maybe she'll give you some much needed answers. <BR>However, if "my OW" was here I would feel much the same way you feel. I would feel as if my privacy had been invaded. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. <P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Hi Tired Lady,<P>I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I, too, agree with the other's who say maybe she could give you some answers. I just think her posting here was completely inappropriate. I got the feeling that she was looking for a great big ole pat on the back. I couldn't give it to her. This is your personal haven and to have her invade your life yet once again, must make you feel very violated. I am so sorry. <P>I just saw this post after I responded to hers. I, for one, couldn't commend her. I just couldn't do it. If she wants to apologize to you via a more private means, then so be it. Coming here wasn't the way to go about it. What's left for her to take, your children? UGH! This one really ruined my night.<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

TL - we must have been posting at the same time - see my post to you - sorry if my other post added to your pain. :-(

Tired Lady -- I posted this on Mia's thread, but I felt I should copy it here as well.<P>God Bless<P>_________________<BR>Tired Lady -- I am so sorry for you. I don't know how I would respond if one of my W's OM showed up here on this forum.<BR>Mia -- Why did you choose this forum to "confront" Tired Lady? While it is true that we have betrayed and betrayer and ocassionally the OP here on this forum, I know of only other other case where the OP has come and tried to confront the betrayed spouse, In that case there was an immediate gathering around the betrayed party. I gather that you have gone back and read enough to know what would happen, so you chose to hide who you were from us, and gave the details necessary for Tired Lady to recognize you. In the mean time many responded to you with what I believe were well ment intentions. They ended up causing even more pain to Tired Lady who now feels as though she were betrayed by thos of us here she has turned to in an effort to understand, deal with and heal from the pain you and her H have caused her. I simply do not understand how you could do this. If you really wanted to come confess to being the OP and get help and understanding, then you shouild have stayed anonymous. You should never have done it the way you did.<P>I just do not understand<P>Tired Lady, I hope that you will not hold this against those who have tried to be your friends. IMO, Mia went out of her way to illicit the responses she did knowing full well that it would hurt you. I am sure that no one would have intentionally caused you pain.<P>I will be praying for you Tired Lady.<P>God Bless<P>

TL:<P>I have tried to appologize to you in person, even by phone on several occasions. You know I have tried. It has always been you that has not wanted to have anything to do with hearing what I had to say or you simply hung up when I would call and say please let me talk to you. I know you feel more anger and hurt than I can imagine. I wish, god, how I wish I could transfer all your hurt feelings my way. But I can't. I really can't undo what I am responsible for. I do accept the wrath that everyone here is throwing my way. I am only 1/2 responsible for all of this misery. Your H is also responsible with the events that have transpired over the past few months. <P>I have known for a while now that what I was involved in needed to stop. And in a moment of strength and courage I finally did the right thing. I am not patting myself on the back here. I'm sincerely saying I'm sorry, TL, that I couldn't muster up that courage to have prevented this from ever happening. <P>For everyone else here, you are very loyal and true to TL for being her friends. I can read that in all these postings. Had I known back then what I know now....well hindsight is wonderful isn't it?<P>There are several people here who think I could provide you with answers to questions your H won't. I would do that if I knew it would help you but you are the the only one who can answer that question. You have my phone numbers. If this is a way to help you, then call me. I will be as honest as possible with any questions you may have.<P>I will continue to ask for your forgiveness TL. I was wrong. I hurt you. I know I did. I know all the I'm sorry's in the world won't be good enough for you. <BR>

I feel so sad... <P>TL,<P>My sympathy goes to you. I couldn't imagine how you feel at the moment but I could relate to what I'd feel if my H's OW showed up here and been reading things I wrote cuz part of the reason me staying, reading and learning here was because this is an anonymous forum. I wouldn't want my friends knew who I am, how I feel and our story, I definitely wouldn't want my H's OW knew all the things I felt. My prayer is with you.<P>Mia,<P>I am glad that you are feeling remorse to what you did and yes, it was partially TL's husband's fault as well. But Empty Shell was right, I don't think it is correct to confront her here. You would only add the pain TL already felt. There is other way in expressing your remorse feeling. I admire you for trying to talk and ask for her forgiveness, but if I were in her shoes, I don't think I would want to talk to you either. The damage has been done and the scars are still fresh. Your good faith would only like adding salt to her pain.<P>Saskia

Mia,<BR>I think apologizing to Tired Lady was a good thing to do, but doing it here on this forum, was wrong. This is a place she came to to share her feelings about you and her husband with the people here,the only place probably that she could open up, and we could help her. You should not have been "spying" on her here. What was going thru your mind when you read your posts? I would find it hard to believe if you said you did not get some pleasure out of it. Having her say that her H loves you, they continue to have problems,would she have said all of this to us, if she knew you were spying? I think not. You violated her privacy. You violated her, her home, her marriage.<BR>I feel so bad for her that you have decided to appear here, and have all of us read about this.<BR>If she comes to you with questions, do the right thing, and answer them,honestly. She needs honesty from one of you, and she is not getting it from him.<BR>Please, I beg you, stay out of her life, away from him. I know you said you have broken it off with him, but we all know how that goes. Withdrawl sets in, and you just cant stand it. Then you need to talk. Then you just need to see him " one more time". and next thing you know, you're involved again. If you really really are sincerely sorry for what you have done, let him go and for good. Do not continue to cause more pain to her. Refuse to see him. Forever. Learn from this, and go on with your life.<p>[This message has been edited by patty co (edited August 25, 1999).]

Tired,<P>I know you have unresolved questions but do not ask Mia. I have talked to a couple of the OW in my life and it proved nothing. One of them actually had the nerve to suggest that we were in a contest and should fight for him. I point blank told here that I never had to fight for a man and I was not going to start now. She could have him. Funny thing once he saw some daylight he did not want her.<P>Try and do some nice things for yourself today. Know that I am sending you happy thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry she yet again invaded your life. Seriously discuss this with your H he has no right to fill in the OW in what you do and where you go.<P>{{{{{{{TIRED}}}}}}}}}}}]

Tired Lady, <P>It's a double-whammy for you. Not only was Mia spying on your initimate feelings in this forum, but your H betrayed you by even telling her anything about it! How are you going to handle this with H at home? I'd want to flip out, I know, but of course you're not supposed to love bust. I'm curious how you tackled this with him.

Mia's Choice- <BR>I think the best way to apoligize to Tried Lady is to let her and her husband get through this time together...alone. By having any contact with her, even though it's well intended, will hurt her and you. I think if I had contact with my OMs wife to explain and answer any of her questions would only be for my own selfish needs and to meddle even further into their marriage.

TL,<BR>I apologize if my posting to Mia hurt you in any way. I reacted from my perspective--I've never received an apology from the OW for the 1 1/2 years she's been involved with my H, even the time she and I talked, she was not remorseful, only "I don't date married men." Oh. She only has sex with them, no date necessary? Remembering that conversation I have an empathy for your being confronted here with half-truths and perhaps lies.<P>I did not think of the trauma of her reading your posts, only that a OW whose intent to end the affair was a good thing. I am sorry.

TL, your anger and hurt are understandable. Also, there is also the loss of anonimity. <BR>Overall, it looks like you have won your H back and Mia is out of the picture. All of us here at MB, Betrayed and betrayer alike are trying to understand what happend to cause this and how to deal with it. Mia came with this in mind but I don't think she should have made it so obvious who she is. <BR>Tl- Your anger should be directed at your H. He's the one that broke the vows you shared. If it wasn't Mia, it would have been someone else.

I agree that Mia should not have included so many indentifying specifics in her apology, but I would settle for any apology from my H's OW, no matter how imperfect.

TL, <P>I completely understand your anger. I suppose the hurt is so recent that any attempt by Mia for an apology is probably falling on deaf ears. Fighter brings up an excellent point though, one that took me time to understand. If it hadn't been Mia, it probably would have been someone else.<P>At some point in the healing process, forgiveness is necessary to move on. I have forgiven my W's OM eventhough I have never received an apology nor do I expect one. You have an opprotunity to actually experience that apology and remorse. Many of us never know if the OP is remorseful for their actions. Don't lay all the blame on Mia. Your H is responsible too. If you stay with this forum, you will come to understand the thoughts and feelings of betrayers. At first, I was very critical of them. And rightfully so, I was betrayed. I was filled with anger toward the OM. In reality, my W was the one that broke the vow. So, I focused on healing the bond between me and my W. Affairs are so complicated. Lots of lies, lots of deception, lots of many wrong things. <P>It is unfortunate that Mia's apology came through this forum. It should have come through direct contact. <P>Since all situations are different, I can't tell you what to do. I know your pain is so new that anger, revenge, and bitterness are more in your mind than forgivness. I can only suggest that you give it time. Focus your energy on healing yourself and then your marriage. <P>God be with you during this very troubling time.<P>SHA