I'm wondering....can you tell what type of affair your spouse had...just from the info he/she gives you? Can you tell if it was emotional or non-emotional?<P>What if they tell you that they didn't have feelings for the OP. Can you really believe them?

yeah- i can trust her when she tells me that he filled a void that i wasn't filling with her anymore.<BR>textbook stuff-t wished she didnt feel the need to get the divorce.<P>it was an emotional affair that went into a sexual affair.<BR>she works with the scumbag- that still bothers me even it aint any of my business anymore.

My H was an emotional and sexual. He swears up and down that he was not in love with her. But that is hard to believe since it was ongoing for a few years! She said he never said he loved her, and whenever she would mention them moving in together he would get nervous and change the subject. But, I know he loved her, and that is the hardest part, because I can't imagine loving another man...IT SUCKS!

Notrust,<P>i aws told that it was a non-emotional entanglement on H's part, and became even more non-emotional when the OW started talking about love, vacations together next spring...meeting our kids......<BR>as soon as she was getting 'attached', H was flipping out...she was the one that talked every day before it got sexual, about the benefits of an affair...how she prefered it because she got to keep her own life, and married men could fit in where and when she wanted them to...a little controllingaspect to her nature, so anyway, here was this woman telling him how great these unemotional attachments are to this guy who really believes his wife is going to leave him (even before the affair...long story)...and figured he had nothing to lose....<BR>she also asked him if he and i broke up, if he would be faithful to her....H told her (and she verified this) that he would not be in a committed relationship with her..or anyone else for a very long time...that if i left him, he would be destroyed....and would prefer to be alone for a long time.<P>I believe him.<P>I've KNOWN him for 13 years, she saw what she wanted to see for only 3 months.<P>hope that brings a little clarity...<P>Dylan

I don't think you can be so sure. For me it started as lust, moved to emotional / spiritual and back and forth. I've tried to be honest with my wife but it's really difficult to go into great detail. For me the hardest thing is admitting to the "feelings" I had for this woman. I don't think you can necessarily know for sure. I suspect, like me, the affair was much much more emotional than the spouse wants to admit. Human being have this inner need for love and being wanted. I think that need, in reality, is stronger than the need for sex.

Go to <A HREF="http://www.affairs-help.com" TARGET=_blank>www.affairs-help.com</A> <BR>and take their quiz about the 5 types of affairs. I think you find the quiz under "assessment" or somesuch. I found it very helpful!!

Hi All!<P>Thanks for your replies...<P>Covenant: Sorry she is still working w/OM and that she is seeking the divorce. But, it ain't over til it's over...there is still the chance for reconciliation. She'll find out that the grass isn't greener on the othe side. Best of luck you.<P>trying_to_4give: I can understand your feelings on this. How can someone be involved with another for years and not feel anything. Is it possible? I hope things are going better for you. Hugs....<P>Soulloss: My friend...thanks for your opinion on this. Sorry you have a psycho on your hands. I hope she gets lost soon. So manipulative...pretends she doesn't want a committment, but in reality, really does. Isn't that the way it works? The OP always seems to have another agenda in their minds...yet our spouses are so blind to them. They get sucked right in. Anyway, hope your day is going better than it was yesterday.<P>bongo: Thanks for your perspective on this. You are probably right. A betrayer (forgive the term), doesn't want to admit the feelings they have for OP because they don't want to hurt their spouse anymore than they have. In addition, the betrayer doesn't even want to believe that they can have feelings for someone else other than their spouses.<P>Jenny: thanks for the website address. I checked it out and my H falls into the category as "conflict avoider." He wouldn't confront me with the problems and this is where it landed us. We are learning from our mistakes now.