I wanted to post an update on my situation.

Some of you might have recalled that I was having difficulty gettin my WS to admit that she had had an affair... it's been a long bumpy road.

I while ago she admitted the EA component of this, but denied that there had been anything physical. That changed yesterday, finally.

My plan A actually worked out. Despite advice to the contrary, I continued to discretly keep an eye on what my spouse was up to...of course since I had already exposed some of the "Evidence" before she was being very careful. I had asked her to break contact with the OM which she reluctantly agreed to. Things had been going well, but there was still some strange behaviour on her part (secrecy etc with cell phone). I just got the cell bill the other day and found some discrepancies. Some snooping also revealed some new e-mail accounts which I checked..and found that she had indeed still been in contact. Other information there was also undeniable.

I immediatly initiated a Plan B and informed my wife that I was going to move out. This had immediate results; she finally admitted that a PA had indeed occured, and I got the complete details on everything surrounding this matter. Since the OM has moved far away there is little chance of them getting together. She agreed to call him (with me listening) and told him that she would not be speaking with him any further.

This has been a huge mantle lifted off of both of our shoulders..despite the terrible details of what I had to hear, it was finally a relief to get it on the table. She said much of the same thing. Finally on to recovery phase!

My advice for people in similar circumstances is to not give up too easily; the addiction of an affair can be a difficult thing to break. If you truly love your spouse than stay with the plan... it will work if given a chance.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rippedin2:

"Finally on to recovery phase!"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa! Has she willingly agreed to MC(marital counseling) with an MB oriented professional like Steve Harley or Jennifer Harley Chalmers from Marriage Builders Counseling Service. or Penny R Tupy from
Save Your Marriage Central and to a marital recovery plan based on The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage ? I'm not saying that you can't recover you marriage without these professionals guidance but it will be a lot, lot easier for you two because they can help you two taylor a marital recovery plan specifically to your situation making BOTH of you work on rebuilding the marriage. Without a marital recovery plan there is the likelihood that the marriage could return to the conditions prior to your W's affair, and that is certainly bad for the future of your marriage. Keep in mind that recovery is a lot harder than an ongoing affair, just go check the recovery forum to see what I mean.

Ripped,
I know how you feel. Per my signature line it took my W 18 months before she could tell me the truth. Long time for false recovery.

Are you going to continue with some MCing?

cwmac

Ripped: you aren't gonna like this, but fore-warned is fore-armed: Recovery is the hard part. I had the same reaction as TMCM. Honesty CAN be the start of recovery. But there are a whole lot of other things that need to follow, as enumerated by TMCM.

Thanks Guys;

I guess my post did sound somewhat premature in terms of expectations, however I'm making sure my expecations are realistic in this. I guess I'm just elated that there had been some major progress in this matter.

My wife has agreed to some form of MC, which we are currently investigating and evaluating. In the meantime we've agreed on two of the important principles (radical honesty and joint agreement) and are avoiding rehashing what has happened until we are in C. There's a lot of healing to be done, and questions answered. I plan on hanging around here and bouncing things off people from time to time to "compare notes".

I am very glad I found this resource on the internet!