Well, we talked last night outside plan A, did not get anywhere. We both stopped it, feel asleep.
Today, a new day. I told her my plan, she said she felt the senserity is due to my diet drugs, I reassured that I am being honest and sencere. She believed me. Renee has never seen this side of me, shoot, I have never seen this side of me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I disclosed to her all I knew, lovingly, and she listened. I told her what ever she needed to know, I would tell her. I told her some of my feelings, and it has been a good day.
Half way through the day, and so far so good!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Thank you all for being so Biblical and supportive.

I have requested a couple of EM from her. She understands where I am coming from with them.
I have expressed some unfullfilled EM of hers, she agreed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
More to follow

Chris - A quote from "How to Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat:
"Husbands must be prepared to actively pursue their wives and win them back. But the wife should never be allowed to feel that he is doing this out of duty. Only love will have the force to prevail over the warring emotions that have brought an unfaithful wife to this point."
And - " As the Church is Christ's body, so the wife is, in a sense, the husband's body. Public opinion and her temporary indiscretions and foolish behavior could not change that eternal fact. "He who loves his wife, loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it." (Ephesians 5:28-29)"

Renee has always told me that I tell her nice things because I have to, I am her husband. I told her I was sorry she felt that way.
Anyway, things are going OK.
I was disturbed that she deleted the internet history/files from this morning. I think she was snooping through email from the past.
Who knows. God does. God is on my side in this salvation of my marriage.
Chris~

Ok, now I'm confused. Are you in Plan A or is the Affair over? Plan A is a strategy for ending the affair. Can you please describe what you are doing?

Thanks!

Well,
I shared that I have the guys email p/w, and after he talked smack about her she says the affair is over, but HAD to see what a jerk he really is through his email.... yeah right I was thinking. Against my better judgement, I gave it to her.
Now the guy really is a jerk, he calls himself the "sex bomb" on his personals add.

But feelings of rejection from me, then straying to him and being doubley rejected is WAY too much for her pride. Especially since he is 24 and she is 30.
So today, our Internet history was deleted, and I see that she had a "cookie" for entering his email and personnals add.
She is not through with him.
I guess I am in the Plan "A" to gently get her to end this and see that I AM THE ONE STILL HERE FOR HER! with love and care ofcourse.

Sorry to confuse all~

Good job Chris. Hang in there. Your situation seems very optomistic to me. Stay in Plan A and she will come around. Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

Good News!
Last night Renee saw me on here, she wanted to see my post and I minimized the screen. I was affraid she would be mad at a question I posted "should I contact the OM"?
Anyway, radical honesty, I let her see. She asked when I posted it, and I told her it was a struggle I was having in my head. Not knowing.
She appreciated the honesty.
We went to bed at 9:45, talked till midnigt, and by investing in her, from my heart, with honesty, she told me everything. She shared with me intimate details that I was struggling with, and "had to know". I pretty much knew what happened, come one, this is MY WIFE for the past 10 years, and we have been together 11. So, I know how she opperates.
It was a really good night. We talked, no hurt, no LB's, just honesty, and repair.
I really feel I can move on with the affair, and I think by showing her my love, she can sink into my arms more settled now. Sounds cheezy, but like I had stated before, this is a side she has not seen in me in over 8 years. I have not seen it.
I really feels nice, to be nice to her. Listen to her, and let her knowl that I am not going anywhere.
This morning was better also. She actualy slept in till almost 6:30. Something she has not done for months now.
Thank you guys for coaching me through this. Renee says it too, this post board is a God sent!
Chris~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Great news, Chris and Renee. Now get busy with the job of making your marriage better than you ever dreamed it could be. There's lots of hard work ahead and there will be ups and downs. But together, with the Lord's help, you can do it. Tell Renee to sign up and start posting if she wants. She will get lots of understanding, comfort, and good advice here. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Believer,
Thank you for the encouragment.
She has seen what a tremendious support network this has been for me.
I think she would find comfort in knowing that folks going through this, and TRYING to make things work, not pretending "all is OK" might just help her.
She indentified this morning that she always goes for the looser, drunk, non-follow-through type, just like her father. And even after 11 years together, even when she strayed, she still chose that type of guy. She was clearly hurt by this. And states she really has not learned, but I think today, she did.
Chris~

Ok, so Plan A then. Have you eliminated your LBs? What ENs of hers are you meeting? Have you exposed the affair? Why or why not? What is her answer to your negotiations for her to end the affair and send him a no contact letter?

Hey Takola,
We are in plan A, she was tired last night and not willing to read through it. So I am treading lightly. I got her to be radicaly honest last night, very shocking to me that getting rid or LB's does this.
I think I have gotten rid of my LB's. And her EN are not clear, again, I am treading lightly. I don't want to burn her out so soon. She is doing great.
Last night, I told her about a detail that I knew about, she denyed it and was ready to call the guy and tell him he was lying about it.
She was mad! I simply said, "ok, if you are being honest with me, than I have to accept your honesty". She said, ask me again. I did, and she said it was true. She was very, very ashamed over this and hid her face. She felt really, really bad, and it was not a huge deal to me. I was honest, she was honest.
About her calling off the OM. I did that the morning after we hit our knees (D-Day), and took care of it. She wanted to know what I said, I told her, she said it was good. I know she wanted to do it, I did not know back then about plan A, and thougth I was doing the right thing.
I told her if she wanted to write, or call, I would support it. She does not want to, feeling that the smack he talked about her, she does not owe him the courtest of any contact. I feel she has to to close it out. I will stay supportive and encourage her to do this.

About the contract, I will print it out at work (no ink at home, kids burned it up),and we can ease into it this long holiday weekend.

She does not fully trust me (over my deciet I used to gane info on exposing them), and I do not trust her fully yet. I will not watch her unless she does something to warrent it. I can read her like a book.

I have feelings over this from the past with my permissiviness and the OM in the first place. I talked "code" to her, just in a way she did not understand clearly, regarding the OM back in the day. I can tell if she is straying in her thoughts and actions.

Thanks for the support Takola~
Chris~

Chris and Renee - If you can, get the book "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carder. It is a Christian book and he writes about "the message of the affair." He gives a list of messages that may or not fit. The message of the affair is something that the WS felt, but was unable to communicate. It is very important to understand, so something like this will never happen to you two again. It also has good information on reconciliation. Good luck and take care of each other.

If the affair is truly already over, then you need to be in a recovery plan and not Plan A. These are very similar except that Plan A emphasizes ending an affair and a recovery plan emphasizes rebuilding love, trust, and marital compatibility.

Your W does not really need to write a no contact letter if no contact already is in place, enforced, and you are comfortable with the way things are. A no contact letter has many purposes, one of which to reassure the BS that the affair actually ended. Others are: establish no contact with the OP and state to the OP that the affair was a mistake and wrong.