I just found out my W had an affair a month ago. I found out about it through a mutual friend. She says it lasted about a month before I found out about it. It has pretty much devestated me. We have been together for 10 years (high school sweethearts), married for 6. I thought everything was fine. I took good care of her, I worked hard to support our family, cooked, cleaned, did everything she asked of me. She says she has no feelings for him, that he gave her the attention she wanted and things just happened. After I confronted her she went to stay with a friend, and I chased and begged her to come home, which she did after a few weeks. We want to try to work things out, but I don't know if I can ever believe anything she tells again. How do I get passed the resentment of what she has done to me? Does the pain and anger ever go away? I can't even be intimate with her without thinking of her being with him. It repulses me to know that someone else has been with my wife. I guess I just want someone to tell me that things will get better, that our marrage can survive this.

Hello Helpme.

Sorry that you are here and what you're going through. I found this place to be a life saver because I resisted talking to family and friends.

Yes, your marriage can survive. Things will eventually get better: the trust will someday return; the resentment and pain will start to fade. I'm only beginning here too but there are others here who have recovered.

It takes time and alot of effort.

You will need to get marriage counselling (if you are not there already), and try to get the book "Surviving an Affair" which can really open your eyes to why this kind of thing happens and how to get through it.

Keep reading articles on the site here and good luck.

cpx

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: cpx ]</small>

Well you've come to the right place. There are many caring people here who will give you sound advice based on their experience. The road ahead is long and hard but you CAN do it.

My immediate 2 cents is:
1. Pray earnestly by yourself and with your wife about the challenges before you.
2. Read everything on this site. It'll give you a lot of insight into what's going on in WW head.
2.5 Consider both indvidual and marital counseling.
3. Read Surviving An Affair and Torn Asunder (slightly more Christian emphasis.)
4. Post and read messages her and tell us a little more about yourself so people can give you a little more appropriate info.

The unfortunate truth is that just because you know about the A doesn't mean that it is over. It is a very positive sign that your W wants to work on the M though.

Your questions are about does it get better. I believe that it will but it will be a long time. I am still haunted by the physical logistics of my WWs A and have been to the medical doctor for testing because of her blatant recklessness. Others have assured me that trust will improve but no time soon and the physical will take care of itself too, but with time. She probably kissed someone else before you...not the same but related.

I wish you luck. You aren't alone and many here have had experiences like yours. It's no fun but I still believe that God can work miracles and that He is doing good work in me through this.

Best wishes.