Hi, my original post was "At a loss for......"

For the past two nights we have been talking and I guess now she feels comfortable with telling me some horrifying details of her and OM.
I was SHOCKED <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I can not believe she said some of those things to him. Somewhere in the early evening, she tells him that she likes him. He ignors her, she says "look at me, I really like you!"
Now I can buy that because for a young guy to pursue a married woman, I knew she had to have given him the green light.
Now she tells me that at sometime after that she tells him, "I wanna F**k you", again, he acted like he did not hear her. So she tells him again.
This is VERY SHOCKING for me.
I guess I am just venting, I don't know what to do with that information??
It has almost been the hardest to digest so far.
She also stated that he had 4 O's on Sat. night! And kept coming back to her for more, and she was "so sick" that night, yet let him.
I feel like I was blown back a couple of weeks after hearing this.
I do not want to start LB'ing over this, cause I want her to be able to keep telling me everything she feels she can.
Any advice?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She is telling you this???? Wow. I could not handle my spouse telling me this type of hurtful stuff. That would definitely be the END for me. I would be outta the marriage. Who could ever trust them again after seeing just how far down in the gutter thier heart and character is.

You opened Pandora's box against some pretty good warnings that you may not hear what you expect. Now, you have to deal with it. Perhaps you ought to put more time between the affair and when you get into this type of detail - if you do at all.

The wound is still very raw right now, I don't think you should really be rubbing salt in it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now I can buy that because for a young guy to pursue a married woman, I knew she had to have given him the green light. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Obviously you are not a married woman. Especially for guys just looking for a meaningless ONS, I've noticed that just wearing my wedding band is interpreted as a green light to pursue and proposition by LOTS of young men.

<small>[ November 26, 2003, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: cpx ]</small>

Chris

I don't know how you can stand what W has done. Your a better man that me. I would have tossed her out the door. People can be so hurtful....I am amazed at how low we human's can go.


Edit: Chris - I am sorry for the comment about tossing your W out the door. I too reacted to the information she provided to you and I was wrong to over react.


Beau

<small>[ November 26, 2003, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: SonofWF ]</small>

Chris - Well you are finding out things you probably would not want to know. But remember, your wife was drunk, which definitely seemed to have decreased her inhibitions. She also has told you she falls for losers. I think that some women (because of their history) get pleasure out of a kind of masochistic relationship. They may like to drink, and then get down and dirty. Continue in Plan A. Also keep in mind that affairs for women are rarely about sex. I have read a lot about this, and I know from personal experience. Let's just put it like this: my H is not great in the sack, but OW is madly in love with him. Her H is 15 years younger than mine, and cute, and fit. So although your wife is giving these details, it probably has nothing to do with sex.

Chris,
It's actually very sad and speaks alot to how she truly feels about herself. (not good)

My FWH is recovering from sex addiction. He would tell you that it is easy to get what you can in the moment and it's all about the sex, no feelings. That's what makes it sad for me. She allowed herself to be used and abused, so to speak. She even invited him to do so.

She needs IC and love of herself and forgiveness from you when you are ready to be in that place. Then she will work on forgiving herself, because if she isn't already there, she is going to hit rock bottom with how she feels about herself.

Good luck!

All,
Thanks for the replys and again, encouragement.
I told Renee going into this that I have alot of love, the love of Christ, and that IS THE ONLY THING that has gotten me through this so far, and I know it will in the future.

I am so amazed that when I go to her with an open heart, she comes back to me with one.

Her Brother was in the house, drunk, and passed out on the other side of the trailor (yes I said it, they live in a trailor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , go figure). He is dense to the world around him and does not understand this whole thing anyway.

Regarding Renee's seperation of sex/emotions.
She went to him, obviously, on Friday night, and I would almost "give" that to her for being drunk. However, she went back Sat. night when she was "so sick" from the night before, and they did it all over again. Now I understand that once a certain behavior is acted on, it is way easier to act on it the second time. Drunk or not.
She says she treated him like it was no big deal, sex only, but when she got home, she realized emotion was involved. The things he said to her during. The caring touch, etc.....
I really don't think much of his actions/words anyway. After all this he states that he "wiskey dicked her all night long" to the brother's wife. I think I am more pissed at the way he talked about her after the fact, then the fact itself!

A better man, no, just a man trying to move on and repair something that I should have never get this bad in the first place.
I need to know ALL details. I read another guys post in here where his wife did not tell him everything till almost 2-3 years later. He said he felt like he accepted something and agree to deal with it, not really knowing what he was dealing with.
Yes it is hurtfull, but I need to have all the chips on the table, so I now what I am dealing with.
chris~