Two years ago, I cheated on my husband. It was a one night affair. I was suffering from emotional deprovation. I felt as if I was the least of his priorities. He was gone for 6 months due to the military and he didn't even call or write. All of the wives I met, spoke to their husbands regularly and he barely called. This one night, some of the guys from the police academy I was going through asked me to go out and so I did. Needless to say, I ended up sleeping with one of the guys in my class. Afterwards, I felt the biggest pain in my life. I couldn't believe what I had done. I felt as though I didn't deserve my husband. Though we'd been experiencing problems, to my knowledge he had never done such a thing. <BR> When my husband came back, I just told him that I wanted a divorce and that I didn't love him anymore. I felt so shame and I just thought I was trash. He deserved better! It was so hard to forgive myself, but I just couldn't tell him the truth at that time. the last thing I wanted was a divorce, but I said it because I didn't think I was worthy of his love. After a month of portraying that I wanted a divorce, I finally broke down and told him about the one night stand. He was outraged and told me to get out and leave. He said that after a month of him trying to get me to stay, how could I tell hime something like this!<BR> That very same night, he called me at my girlfriends house of which I went to stay. He told me that he wanted me to come home. I came home and he told me that he missed me, he loved me, and that he wanted to work things out. From that time on, I walked around as if I was in a glass house. Iwas so scared that anything I did wrong would make him leave. <BR> After about three months I found out that I was 2 months pregnant. He seemed to be happy. Things were going okay until I was about 5 months. He started to go out practically every night. He seemed so mean. We stared arguing routinely. There was time that he'd come home 2,3,or 4 in the morning. He'd go out of town with his friends on the weekends all the time. And whenever he was home, it seemed as if he was avoiding being alone with me because he always brought one of his friends home. <BR> I didn't handle this very well at all. I was very emotional during my pregnancy and though I know I had a reason to be upset, I would throw everything out of proportion. It was about 2weeks before I was 8 mo pregnant when he told me that he wanted a divorce. at that time I totally lost it. I tried hitting him and everything. It was a mess! I still hadn't forgiven myself from my past mistake and he kept telling me that he was not leaving me because of that. I just couldn't accept it. I'd rather he'd left me when he found out, not 8 months later. Needless to say the stress caused me to go into premature labor and I had my daughter during one of the weekends he was away. He got there the next day, but I had to have my first baby all alone.<BR> this year he was gone for 6 months and we agreed that this would give us both time to think on what we want. He got back about three months ago. We've live apart since then. He says that he still loves me, but he doesn't think he'll be totally happy if he stayed. He says that he doesn't close his mind to the fact that our marriage could work, but as of now, he still wants the divorce. I love him, these past 6 months, I got much stronger than I was before and I still want things to work. We've remained intimate since he's been back. I don't know, I really don't know what's going to happen. In April, it'll be a year that we didn't actually live together. At that time we can file for divorce. I want it to work and he knows it. He gives me mixed signals. I believe that he loves me. He'll be really nice to me at time. Then, he'll get distant. Sometime I don't think he knows what he wants. Or am I just clueless. I've learned to be complete in me and love me, but now my question is where do I draw the line betwen faith a reality? How do I know if its over? Can you believe today's my anniversary and he chose to spend the holidays with his family (dad, sister,ect..) instead of me and my daughter. His excuse was that he needed to get away from the military and get a break. He said not to take it personal, but I think that's selfish. Our daughter is one and its actually her first Christmas that she can open presents. I'm just confused and its hard right now. <BR>

welcome jaime-lee!<BR>wow, your story sounds very familiar.<BR>no- you are not insane, as i am sure you probably feel that way. your husband is being selfish-yes.<BR>it sounds to me like you both have alot of unresolved issues from your relationship- PLEASE- stay and post, read all that is here, make some freinds and post, vent, ask questions, etc.<BR>Merry Christmas to you and your daughter- it is tough but you will make it, beleive me.<BR>also try <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcebusting.com</A> for some more advise- you'll see alot of famaliar faces.<BR>why you had the affair is obvious- you craved attention and affection and wasn;'t getting it from H. god knows, i am one of the betrayed spouses- forgive yourself, it was a mistake, learn and grow. <BR>take care and come back often.

Welcome <B>jamie-lee</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards... like yourself) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! As a starting point... even if you are apart... start with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have had affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on... This applies to both wayward and betrayed alike.<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>It most definitely dosn't have to be over!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

jamie-lee....<BR>dont you just love the military.....they preach how important family is and then do nothing to help keep it together.<P>My husband is in the navy and we have been apart a lot and he now dosent know if he wants to be married....he is involved with a coworker and everyone knows this yet nothing has been done......we have been seperated for 2 months.....I just want my family back as you do....you are in my thoughts!<P>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>