Hi,
I am brand new here. I found out 3 days ago, that my husband has been having an affair with a co-worker here in MY house and in MY bed while I'm working (I work 12 hour nights as an RN). He was fired from his job in Sept, but has been seeing this girl since July. She is married also. He had shown me no intimacy for a few months, but was starting to get playful with me again. He didn't admit the affair, until I tricked her into a confession. He had to leave on a trip that we were BOTH suppose to go on for his son's football league. My problem is, I always thought that if I were in this situation, my decision would be an easy one...OUT THE DOOR. But, it's not. I can't believe that I still love the guy. He comes home monday, and my plan is to see what he is willing to do to save the marriage. He already told me he would do whatever it takes. I want counseling, no contact with her, and Church to be a part of his life. The problem is, how do I know that he is sincere about doing it for US and not for just a place to be? Plus, I can't get past the fact that he was "faithful" to her. Have any of you felt this way? This is so new and still very raw. I can't stop these outbursts of crying...but it's all on hold until he comes home. Any thoughts would be so appreciated.
PS...I've always thought I was taking such good care of him...always told him I loved him, and we both were very aware of what the other's thoughts were on infidelity.

Someone who is more able to help will write to you soon, however I feel your pain. I also found out 9 weeks ago my husband was having an affair in my home. We are working things out. Read everything you can here on this site. It sure helped me. The crying will come and go. You will be numb for awhile. I am also a nurse, and had to try and work a full shift while going through all of this. Sleep is also something you will lose for awhile. You will sometimes feel like the pain is more than you can bare. Hang in there. Marriage can work out with the both of you if you both are willing. Keep me posted.

Thank you. The pain is unbearable. The only thing worse would be to lose a child. I tricked the girl into thinking she was emailing my husband, but it was me. She stated that "you constantly tell me how much you love me and how happy we'll be together" Did that happen to you? I can't get past that. He insists he does not love her and even told her on the phone in front of me....of course under my suggestion. But, I don't know. He is out of work. I asked him if he planned to leave me when he found a job, which of course he states no. I can't believe how miserable I am...and to think he made me so happy. This is my third marriage. The first 2 stunk and if it were either of those hubbies, I don't think I would have cared. But, I have been the happiest ever...even my family thought so...and now this!!

My H had some online cybersex and I did pretend to be him once. The woman kept telling me she was sorry but she has tried to call him since. My H had two affairs (that I know of), one two years ago with "the perfect one" he calls his soulmate, who never hurt him, and the resent woman who he worked with. I found tonight that he was still calling "the perfect one" once a week right before I found out about his affairs. I am waiting for the next phone bill to see if he is honest. You see, trust does not come easy and from what I understand it will take time.

I could of written your post as I have compared the hurt to the death of a child. If losing a child hurts more than this, I would not live through it.

Focus on fixing what is in your marriage after the other woman is out of the picture. That helps. I had a goal all along, and followed advice from this site.

First, tell HER husband - you would want to know, wouldn't you? Second, click on the link in my signature line.

I want to say one more thing. One of the main reasons I did not divorce my wife when she confessed her affair to me is because I did not understand why she did it, and if I divorced her I would probably never know why, and might find myself in the same position some years down the road. Not an appealing idea. While Harley's books did not completely explain why she had an affair, they DID explain what was wrong with our marriage, and how to change that.

John, I have told her husband, actually it was one of the first things that I did. She asked me not to, she wanted to be the one, but I went ahead anyway. I knew she would never tell him. I felt so sorry for him. He came over here and picked up the emails that I got from her (she thought I was my husband). He is a recovering alcoholic and his family is worried that he will relapse. He says he won't. I told him, do not let her ruin you...it's not worth it. Apparently, she has done this before. I was also told that she is a "partier". I don't know what my husband was thinking. I feel like my life is draining away from me.