Ok, I just found out my husband had an affair. He left on a trip with 2 of his kids that we were both suppose to be on. I don't know if I should have done it, but I told his kids about the affair. They are 16, 15, and 13. I didn't want them to think that I wasn't going along because I was mad about some little thing. I found out today from his daughter that he is mad that I told them. I guess his ex confronted him when he went to pick them up. Now, I don't even know if he'll want to try to work on things when he gets home. Was I wrong?

No Patti....you weren't wrong. Of course he's mad, but you are not responsible for the fact that he has disappointed and upset his children by exposing his affair and being honest. He won't like it, but my guess is that his anger will fade pretty quickly assuming you can control the love busting and not allow him to get a reaction from you with his anger. The children have a right to understand that you are not rejecting them, and they are old enough to know the truth in this situation. Wait and see how it plays out, and don't lose hope just yet. He may react differently when he has some time to think about it....they usually do. BTW....I hope you don't mind me asking....but it's important....how did you two meet....were you the other woman in his first marriage? I'm not making judgements, but it affects the dynamics of things.

<small>[ November 30, 2003, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Hi,
No problem asking. We met over the internet, but no I was not the other woman. We were both divorced and single. After 2 failed marriages, actually terrible marriages, I was finally happy. I have never been unfaithful...ever. I am so hoping that you are right about the time. I can't believe that I went from so much anger and not knowing whether to reconcile or not, to this....praying and hoping that HE will want to work this out. I feel bad for telling his kids NOW, but at the time it felt the right thing to do. I did not want them to think it was me being mad at them for eating in the living room, which is exactly what the boys thought. I did not want them to think, "poor dad" he has to take us on this trip alone because Patti's being a b*tch. Plus, I'll be honest, I wanted him to hurt too. I feel so bad.

Patti

Exposure is often used to stop the affair. There is no reason to lie about the fact that H is having an affair. Pressue from family and friends can play a big part in bringing closure to the affair.

You should reading "Surviving and Affair" by Harley. You will find the information very helpful in understanding why affairs begin and how you should deal with your situation.

keep posting

Beau

Thanks Beau,
I will get that book. I did read about that too on here. I didn't do it for that reason though. I just got a call from his sister in law and they are about 4 hours away. I guess I will find out soon what the plan is. Please, everyone pray for me