Hi, I'm new to this forum. I found a partial ripped up receipt from a hotel which is near my husbands work on the floor of his car. It was dated 11//28/03, 2days after a surprise birthday party he had for me.
When I confronted him tonight, he denied doinng anything wrong. Said he didn't have sex, an affair or anything with anyone. When I asked what was this ripped up hotel receipt doing in his car he first said he knew nothing about it. Then after my bagering him, he said it was none of my business and not to worry about it. I told him I needed to know why this receipt was in his car, he kept repeating It has nothing to do with me and it is none of my business.
When he came home the evening in question, he had been drinking some but looked awful (more than I have ever seen him) his eyes were so blood shot.
He didn't have much to say to me and conversation
was very minimum. Next morning(11/29) he was aloof, short and somewhat critical of me.
What is very baffling to me is that for the past year our 20yr marriage has been so wonderful. All my friends just marvel at how we get along and how he seems so much more attentive to me and my needs. It's not that he was an orge before he just wasn't very demostrative.
Also something that caught my attention is that we were out w/ my best friend & her husband a few times w/in the last 2months and it was something my friend asked that I thought perhaps inappropriate. We were drinking both times, the first tiime she asked me in private, "do you satisfy your husband? I was a little taken back but said yeah. The next time 1 1/2 months later she asked my husband in front of me (she was pretty drunk) Does gigi satisfy you? My husband said yes. I told her later that I thought it was an inappropriate question to assk my husband, she was a little offended that I took offense. Anyway, I'm confused, but I think he was in that hotel room, most likely with someone and I don't think they were watching TV.
Help me sort this out, please.
Thank you all in advance.

Gigi- Well all of the signs are there. WS's suddenly have unexplained hotel receipts, they are aloof, cold and critical, and they deny everything, even when there is solid proof. It sounds like it could be your friend. I don't know, but I have never asked a friend something like that, even a very close friend. But start in Plan A. You can search for Plan A or look at one of the links that Redhat posts. If you get any more evidence, don't confront H, as he will just get more careful. Expect him to be distant and start blaming you. As awful as you feel, you are lucky to find this site. There are lots of caring people who have been through infidelity, and tons of good information. Hang in there and keep posting.

Dear Believer,
Thanks so much for answering me, your few words helped me not feel that perhaps I'm not going nuts. I hate liars, and I just can't tolerate the lies. This morning he told me to "just trust him on this". Yuck, I hate being in this situation, I wish it would all just go away & I wouldn't have to be so consumed with thinking about it and wasting time. Well at least the house is getting cleaner. I know I don't know for sure if it is my friend, but I find I am a little uncomfortable talking with her. I did call her and cried on her shoulder when I found out, now I wished I hadn't. Oh well, it can't be undone. But I would hate to find out it wasn't her and I had these thoughts about her. I'm feeling so guilty.
Well I will find my way to Plan A.
Thanks again!

Gigi - "Just trust me on this" gives me chills up my spine. That is the same thing my H said to me. We were happily married 7 years when my H said he needed some space and started going out alone. Like a dummy, I let him go. This was in March. I told him I was worried, and he said "Just trust me on this, Things will get better, I love you, We will always be together, Nothing is going on, Blah, Blah, Blah. I found out later that he was already going to motels, dancing, out to eat, camping, etc. with neighbor whose H was called up for active duty. All the signs were there - his like of interest in sex (with me, that is), hours away from home, unexplained money gone, no interest in going anywhere with me. But I just kept believing him. In July I started noticing that the neighbor was gone the same times as my H. One day I got the mail before H and opened credit card bill and found motel charges for 6 days in July - during the day when H was supposed to be a work. I also found out he had a cell phone that I didn't know about. When I confronted him he lied - said I knew about cell phone (which I still have never seen). I LB'd big time and threw him out. But I just couldn't stand all the lies. And he lied so sincerly - to me, his sister, his kids, our lawyer, that everyone believes him. In the next couple of months he continued to try to get back with me, saying OW was out of the picture, but she never was. Finally I went into Plan B, and am much happier now, although he and OW are living together. Anyway you need to start in Plan A. It is extremely difficult to do when you know you are being deceived. When you feel like LBing, come here and we will listen to you. Also don't tip him off when you find any evidence, he will just get better at hiding it. Don't tell your friend anything. If it is her, a pattern will develop (them being gone at same time, strange comments, her telling you only something that H knows, etc). If it isn't her, she doesn't ever have to know that she was a suspect. Hang in there and try to do a good Plan A, and come here if you need help.

Yes, it sounds like he is having an affair. People who are trustworthy do not say "just trust me". They are perfectly willing to let you verify anything and everything, because they have nothing to hide. Click on the link in my signature line for information on how to proceed. Pay particular attention to the Plan A links.

Dear Believer & John,
Thanks for your words, it really helps to validate what I am feeling, sometimes I want to believe the "nothing is going on" "don't worry, this isn't about you" "youre wrong, you're making a big deal about nothing" though he still refuses to tell me the truth why he was in that hotel that day but he did change the story from none of your business, it doesn't involve you to "I got it for a business meeting that never took place"
I said since when do business mtgs take place in a regular hotel room? And why didn't you tell me that when I first asked you, instead of the 2hr ordeal we went through, he replied "because it was none of your business. Then the silence starts.
I went to see a pyschologist this evening, just to be validated again(see I'm doubting myself).
She was very good & suggested marriage counselling if he will go(I thought about that already,) but at least there are a few in the same practice-d/t insurance purposes. I will keep reading the info on this site(so helpful) and will be approaching husband w/the counseling-
I could just hear it now "Why conseling, there's nothing wrong) RIGHT!
Thanks again!

Gigi- Stay in Plan A. Read all about it. It is very hard to do. If this was a business meeting I would think he would save receipt for his income tax. Don't believe him. Give it some time and you will know more. But don't tell him or girlfriend. Just pretend that all is fine, and something else may pop up. You have a plan (Plan A) and he doesn't. Hang in there and keep posting.

Believer,
I can't believe what I am doing, as day by day gets a little better I seen some clarity with a little reading I did. It was empowering to me to see myself a little clearer as I was focusing on myself. I see that I became too comfortable, a little lazy, and have put on some pounds over the years. I'm at least 60pounds overweight. I am unhappy with what I look like especially after seeing myself in the birthday party pictures. I am making a consciencious effort to get moving, excersize & take care of me. I began to feel better. I haven't lost focus about OW or spouse
and I even talked myself in going on this trip we have had planned for 3months, we are leaving tomorrow. I didn't think I could, but now I know I can. Not sure what will happen as he said if I was going to go on this trip and badger him we weren't going to go. I told him I may have some moments but I will handle them. We have talked but he still cont's to say none of my business.
Brought up receipt found & he became so angry........ yelling at me. I calmed him down, and we talked again. Of course denial of affr still exist.
I will post after trip.
Thank you so much for being here.
Gigi